Home Again! (1/4, afternoon, open)

[Kaioh Michiru]

(I'm going to assume that Haruka is here, but until we get one, she's just unavailable...)

Michiru was glad to be home, though she had to admit that the palace did not entirely feel like home yet. She missed the house she had shared with Haruka, Setsuna, and Hotaru. She missed the privacy, though the people were all still here - thankfully.

The Senshi of the Sea did worry about Sets. She suspected that the Time Senshi would have to return to her orginal duties soon enough. However, until that happened they were a family unit within a larger one.

She grinned as she finished packing and left their suite to find Hotaru. She had missed her daughter, and while she'd gotten to spend New Years with her love, she still missed having their daughter.

She found herself wandering the palace, not really sure where Hotaru would be, and considered just going to see Usagi. They could make their full report later, but they had not been out of the reach of news, and she was definitely concerned with what she'd learned. Haruka had been about ready to come back immediately and find out what Mamoru's problem was.

Having made up her mind, the artist and senshi headed to Usagi's office, hoping to find the young queen there. Somehow she had a feeling what she needed more than anything else was simple support.

[Neo Queen Serenity]

Just another day at the office.

Usagi sighed for the third time as she listened to Hikari's and Maria's story. She had tried to hired some of the brightest political minds to staff her government. Unfortunately, brilliant political minds also came with massive egos. That was why she trusted her Chief of Staff to carefully balance those egos with the greater interests of the organization and the mission. But Hikari couldn't handle everything, hence she was leaning on her desk and wondering how to get these two diplomats to behave.

She saw a bit of aqua in her peripheral vision and looked up, surprised to see Michiru coming into her office.

"Michiru-chan!" Usagi exclaimed, straightening up and rushing over to the Senshi of the Sea, all diplomatic prima donnas utterly forgotten. "You're back! Did you have a safe trip? I wish you could have been here for the ball..." Usagi blathered on, not bothering to rein in her excitement. Nor did she think about all of the things that Michiru must have seen in the news-- she was simply excited to see her.

"Can I get you something?" Usagi asked, waving away her staff. "Make yourself at home."

[Kaioh Michiru]

She chuckled softly at Usagi's simple enthusiasm at seeing her. There were some things that Michiru hoped would never change, and Usagi's effervescence was definitely one of them. For all that Michiru was a ruthless warrior when need be, protecting some of Usagi's innocence, what could be protected as queen, was one of the things for which Michiru would always fight. This was why her eyes did not miss the tension of all three women when she walked into the room.

"It was safe, and we would have loved to have been here for the ball, but we'll always go where you need us, Usa." She grinned warmly, "But, I don't think that's what you need to hear right now. We'll make a full report later."

She took a seat and crossed her legs at her ankles. "Some tea would be nice, but honestly I wanted to talk, and see how you're doing. The news... well, we've been worried about you, Usa." She frowned slightly, "And I know how hard this past year has been for you..."

[Neo Queen Serenity]

Usagi nodded in understanding when Michiru said that the report could wait. As long as there wasn't an emergency, she was fine with that. Usagi had had enough reports for the day-- why add one more? Though, she was a bit more interested in what the outer senshi would have to report than the stuff that had been coming across her desk earlier today. "I certainly appreciate all you've done on this matter," she said with simple sincerity. She knew she could always count on the senshi to go above and beyond the call of duty, but seemed to be something the outers did, the intensity with which they regarded it, that was unique to them.

Closing the door to her office, Usagi walked over to the counter where the mini-bar was. She could get filtered water, hot or cold, or serve herself a beverage, though most times when someone came in she had one of the aides do it for her, the important guests liked to be waited on. With Michiru, however, Usagi was far more comfortable serving her herself. She opened one teapot and pressed the red button, watching steaming hot water come out in a stream. She winced as Michiru mentioned the news, mental cursing herself for being such a ditz. Bringing back the teapot as well as a selection of teabags in a box, she took a seat opposite the other woman.

"Yeah, it's been a parade of horribles these past few weeks," Usagi sighed, wondering what she was going to get hit with this time. "You must have thought I had gone barking mad. Between the broken engagement, Mamoru getting arrested, my stunt in the bookstore..." Yeah, maybe Michiru had come to have her committed. Usagi knew that wasn't true, but she was acutely aware of how out of control things must look from the press. Michiru knew better to swallow it all, but she deserved an explanation as much as the rest of them. Usagi just wasn't sure how many more explanations and justifications she could provide. It was like there was a finite amount in her, and after having to tell Hotaru...

"Uh, yeah..." Usagi looked down at her hands.

[Kaioh Michiru]

She selected the tea she wanted it and set the bag to steep in the hot water, smiling a bit to herself as she listened to Usagi. This is what she had been afraid of, and why both she and Haruka had been anxious to get back. She gently reached across and laid her hands on top of Usagi's.

"Usa-chan, what I want to know is if you're all right. I can't imagine you'd break off the engagement with Mamoru unless you had a very good reason, and you know that that is more than enough for me." She smirked a bit, "Haruka, of course, wanted to return as soon as we'd heard that news and find out what he'd done and how badly she needed to hurt him."

"I just wanted to make sure that you're all right. You've been working yourself so hard and now this." She shook her head, "I'm worried about you. Not about whether you're fit or gone crazy, but about you--Usagi-chan. The woman behind the queen the world sees and all the news reports."

[Neo Queen Serenity]

Despite her sudden nerves and anxiety, Usagi grinned at the mention of Haruka wanting to come back and investigate Mamoru. It was so typically 'Ruka, and it felt good to know that Haruka had been that worked up on her behalf.

"Thank you, Michiru, I appreciate that," Usagi said with a small sigh, releasing some of the tension. It felt nice to be treated like an adult and told that she must have had a good reason, and that was that. No second-guessing, or prodding, or advice, it reminded her of the day after when Ami, Makoto and Rei had just sat there in silence, supporting her.

"Am I alright?" She asked herself. "I don't know. I am most of the time. Mamoru..." she hesitated. "Well, I called off the engagement for several reasons, but the biggest one involves an old enemy of ours-- the Shitennou, who used to work with Queen Beryl. So that's been an ongoing issue, and... Well, working around that, and I've made some poor decisions lately. Or rather, I avoided making any decisions at all, and I'm learning that it may be a nice short-term coping mechanism, but it doesn't go so well in the long run."

[Kaioh Michiru]

"Perhaps not, but you have been making some difficult decisions for a while now. The world won't spin out of control if you take a bit of time to take care of yourself." When the tea had finished steeping she straightened back up and took a sip of tea, sitting there quietly without pressing her.

The Outers did not have much experience with the Shitennou. During the Silver Millennium, they'd only met them a couple of times, and by the time they reached the final battle, it had been far too late. When the Inners were fighting them in this life, she and Haruka were searching for the talismans. In some ways, the betrayal of the Shitennou was not that different from their own, though she would not attempt to assume that she knew what their motivation had been.

"The Shitennou?" She realized she'd need to find out more about that and if the Inners were all right, but right now, Usagi was her concern.

"Usagi, I don't want to offer you a lot of advice right now. I get the feeling you're probably tired of advice, but I will say this. If you don't take care of yourself, then you can't take care of anyone else, including an entire, rather needy, planet."

[Neo Queen Serenity]

Usagi wondered what Michiru would think if she told the other woman that she was sounding remarkably like Mamoru had the other night. Pushing that rather odd thought aside, she sighed again. "I may have screwed up, but I've only done the best I can, with the information I've had." With that, she put it to bed. They could always revisit the subject later. She wasn't sure how to reply to Michiru's remarks about taking care of herself. What did that even mean, anyway? Wasn't there a life coach somewhere that could dole out TLC like a prescription? There would be a tablet of forms and she'd get handed something that read: 'Take one night off a week and eat cherry cordials. Take more if symptoms persist.' Then she could take her prescription down to the sweets shop. Though, if that was true, Usagi wondered if life coach prescriptions would have to go through the same secretive process that getting a regular prescription involved. She nearly giggled at the thought, but managed to keep a straight face.

"Yes. Endymion's guard in our past lives, Beryl's generals in this one, then stones in Chiba Mamoru's pocket for the past ten years, with their soul's unwitting other halves walking around Earth. Mamoru, um... declined to mention this to us. He didn't know the Shitennou would reawaken, but he certainly knew he had them. Now Jadeite has awakened and so has Nephrite."

Usagi nodded in response. She couldn't disagree with that, it was very sensible advice. But as she had thought to herself just a moment ago, she wasn't sure what it meant anymore. She tried to eat right, exercise daily, and take her vitamins. She took breaks now and then. She interacted with people. What more did it take, really? What tangible thing could she do that would be 'taking care' of herself? The vacation had been talked about, maybe that counted. But even if that went ahead, she would still have to come back from vacation;.

[Kaioh Michiru]

Michiru raised an eyebrow and filed that information away. She would definitely need to find out if the girls were ok, preferably before this news reached her lover and harm was done. Of course, she and Haruka did not keep things from each other, so she'd just need to make sure that her partner waited before trying to take matters into her own hands.

"No one has said you've screwed up, Usagi." Well, no one whose opinion really mattered anyway.

She again sipped her tea, studying the other woman. She had been so bright when she welcomed her, Haruka's "kitten," bunny, their princess and messiah who saved the world with her love. But now, as Michiru listened to her, watched her, she was terrified that being queen was going to suck that light from Usagi.

"When was the last time you had fun?" She smirked, "Other than your impromptu performance of the Vagina Monologues..."

[Neo Queen Serenity]

"I say that I've screwed up," Usagi insisted. She knew she had, and she wasn't going to deny it. She was many things: naive, indecisive, neglectful, gullible... But she could always step up and admit her shortcomings. According to Mamoru the other night, she could do that a little too well.

Usagi giggled at Michiru's mention of her performance of the Vagina Monologues. "You don't think I'm totally nuts for that? I kind of did it on a whim. It was so fun though. Cliché it may be, but liberating, as well. I may have gotten lambasted for it, but I still think it was worth it in many ways..." Oh, she would never forget the look on Mamoru's face as long as she lived. Usagi forgot so much these days, but that would stick with her for a long time.

"I do have fun during the course of a normal day. Don't let the sturm und drang of the past few weeks mislead you on that. There are things about this that I enjoy..." It was just that she felt she was losing a sense of her own identity while doing much of it. She had already lost most of her ability to recall things. "I think I miss having time to myself. Not so much just having fun, as much as being able to do whatever I wanted to without feeling selfish or knowing that because I am, something important is waiting on me. I'd like a day or two to not do anything remotely productive. Actually I'd take one day just to sleep."

[Kaioh Michiru]

Michiru grinned as she placed her tea down to look at Usagi. "Then forgive yourself for it." She smiled warmly, "You forgive everyone else, effortlessly it seems, and for things that..." She shook her head, "For things that most people never would." It was long enough ago that she did not unconsciously rub her wrists at that statement.

"And no, I don't. All of us have had to grow up far too quickly, I'm glad that you are still able to do something spontaneous and ridiculous. Besides, when we heard that, we were both relieved. Somehow, under all the pressure, you're still able to find ways to be the Usagi we all know and love."

She reached over and gently squeezed her hand, "Then do that, Usagi. Sleep in, take a day off, do something for you." She raised an eyebrow before Usagi could protest, "I know what the future you saw told you, that we'll virtually live forever." Though Michiru was uncertain her and Haruka's place in that, since her understanding of every glimpse and memory of the 30th century was that they were not there. "But just because you have a long life does not mean that you're guaranteed safe from what stress can do Usagi. You need to recharge. And I know emotions can't always be controlled, but there is nothing at all selfish about you taking care of yourself. That's why I still play and Ruka still rides. Yes, that's entirely secondary to our work for you, but it helps us remember who we are."

She smiled, "And you don't need a lecture right now, so forgive me for that." She gently squeezed the queen's hand again before sitting back up and taking her cup back to take another sip. "I'm going to shut up now. I think what you need more, is for someone to listen without judgment or advice, so let me do just that for you."

[Neo Queen Serenity]

Usagi stared at Michiru for a moment before recovering herself and letting her expression go back to normal. The remark just took her by surprise. It was like she hadn't even considered forgiving herself. That, too, felt selfish, especially when she was certain people were still mad at her for things. It would be too soon. She could forgive herself after everyone was okay again, after she had completed some kind of emotional penitence, or something. She could be happy only when the people she loved were happy. She would stop punishing herself only when things were fine again.

Usagi shifted a bit, uncomfortable. "You know, I didn't think I'd ever say this..." she began hesitantly. "...especially since it's so illogical and self-defeating, and I've spent so much time telling other people it's wrong... I don't feel like I deserve to be forgiven... even by myself."

She giggled again a bit as Michiru waved away her worries. "I wish the rest of world could see it the way you do, that it's something to be relieved about. Well-- some of them did." She did make a name for herself with every woman that had ever performed in the Vagina Monologues.

Usagi thought back to the night that Rei told her about Jadeite's awakening, and how she offered to 'push around' the politicians just so that Usagi could have some time off. She thought that to take Michiru's advice she'd need that. "I'm such a push-over, though. I think I'll need to take Rei up on her offer to help me out. I can be guilt-tripped so easily. Theoretically I can, and have, taken some time off, but I always feel so bad about it that it felt like work, anyway." She nodded slowly as Michiru said that she wasn't immune to the effects of stress. It was doing things to her, she was beginning to realize, but how much... "I have a blind spot about that. I'm in the thick of it, have been and am now. I don't even really know all that it's doing to me. Every now and then I'll notice something... mostly my fluctuating weight or the fact that I'll go through a bottle of Excedrin every two weeks." Despite the subject, she smiled at her senshi and friend. "You know, I don't think I've mentioned that to anyone else. I didn't want to sound like I was whining."

Leaning back herself, Usagi sighed again. "I don't even know where to begin... Or if I'll be able to remember everything. And I'm afraid if I start that I'll jump all over the place." She had never been great at stringing together a coherent, chronological narrative.

[Kaioh Michiru]

Michiru frowned, a bit. She did not like that Usagi could not forgive herself. That was something that would need to be addressed immediately. As would her taking time off without feeling guilty about it. She'd talk to Rei and offer to help make sure that Usagi could get some time to herself. Whoever was making her feel guilty about it were a bunch of idiots. She didn't care what the future had shown, she was beginning to worry that Usagi was going to work herself into an early grave.

"I don't mind if you jump around, Usagi-chan." She winked at her. "I've definitely done much harder things for you than try to untangle a narrative knot. Just talk, and I'll listen. No judgment--unless you beat yourself up too much--and no advice unless you ask for it."

[Neo Queen Serenity]

"Thank you," Usagi said, with a vehemence that surprised her. Laughing it off, she pulled her legs up and tucked them under her. No need to be formal.

"Well, obviously you heard about the monologue so you must have heard that I was out with Mamoru," she just said randomly. "That's not the beginning, but I've been thinking about it. He told me he had something really important to say to me and I thought it had to do with the Shitennou so I agreed. Ended up being more of a date, and he said he wasn't going to let me go, he said things were going to change and he was going to win me back. I said he could do what he felt was right... I'm not sure if we'll get back together. It feels inevitable but there's such a distance. I just don't feel like I truly love him anymore, because he revealed himself to be a stranger. When I called off the engagement, he said something about us maybe not being destined after all. And I kept thinking, 'so that's what kept you here this whole time? destiny?' And now he says he loves me. Actually I'll see him again two days from now. You know, he's been the biggest part of my life-- I should say he's pretty much been my whole life, for so long-- that I'm still struggling with knowing who I am without him. All of this time, these crazy few weeks-- the time and the events in my mind all seem to revolve around Mamoru. I'm still shocked that I'm actually surviving without him. As hard as its been, I almost feel like celebrating that."

[Kaioh Michiru]

Michiru smiled. She doubted that the others were not trying to provide the exact same thing, but there were advantages to being the more distant Outers. They loved their princess--Michiru was sure she'd always think of Usagi fondly as their princess no matter how long she was Queen, but the Outers were able to maintain a slight distance.

She corrected herself. They were required to maintain a slight distance, she doubted Usagi would given them the lonely assignment her mother had, but it was still a core part of who they were. However, that distance meant that she was able to not get quite as emotional, and provide a more... neutral ear.

Though even she found it difficult to maintain her promise to not pass judgment. She wanted to hug the young woman, to tell her how very proud of her she was. To tell her that she understood the whole "destiny" dilemma, that she and Haruka had had to figure the same thing out between battles. She knew that if Mamoru and Usagi did get back together, they'd be healthy and certain. And if they did not, then that would also be for all the right reasons.

The Shitennou seemed to be in the center of all of this. There was more that Michiru needed to learn about that, but she'd go to one of the others for that. For now, she wanted to focus on Usagi. "Then you should." That was all the advice or comment she'd give, a simple affirmation, despite the fact that there was so much more she wanted to say.