1/2PM Conversation in the Car (Usagi/Mamoru)

[Chiba Mamoru]

Mamoru simply grinned at her in amusement before saying, “I like you just the way you are. You don’t need to be dominant. Unless of course you wanted to be, then by all means try.”

He was a little disappointed that they had arrived at their destination right then as it saved Usagi from having to answer her. Mamoru was curious as to what she would have said. Still, the evening wasn’t over and so he didn’t stay disappointed for long.

Mamoru stepped out of the car and looked around him curiously. He was a little surprised to find himself at a hotel, but understood the moment Phillips spoke up. He certainly hadn’t ever been here before, but he had heard of the place. He followed Usagi inside, impressed with what he saw. Phillips was definitely right, he did have good taste.

Once they reached the top floor, he gazed around himself even more impressed now that he was actually at the bar itself. He glanced Phillips way with a grin and said, “Lazy or not, this is a great choice. Certainly not one I would have picked myself so I’m glad Usagi let you choose.”

Mamoru turned his attention back to Usagi with a smile. “As promised one drink coming up. As for the bossa nova, I suppose that’s an acceptable punishment.”

[Neo Queen Serenity]

"I think I can dominate when needed," Usagi teased, but of course that wasn't true at all. She really could be a pushover, unless of course someone she loved was being hurt. Then she could step up. But not so much for herself.

Usagi busied herself waving to a few people and heading to the bar, as Phillips returned Mamoru's grin and thanked him for the compliment. "And now, I'll leave you two alone. I'm always nearby should you need me, but I doubt very much you will. Enjoy."

Usagi waved to him, enjoying the sudden privacy. Since the patrons here had been exposed to her before, they weren't staring like everyone was in Starbucks, and were content to chat amongst themselves. There really were advantages to going to exclusive places...

"Should we get food to go with our drinks?" Usagi asked Mamoru. Food actually sounded quite nice. "Because, I know we had a huge dinner and dessert and then coffee.... But I'm already hungry again."

[Chiba Mamoru]

Mamoru grinned and couldn’t help saying softly, “I’d let you dominate me if you really wanted to.”

He nodded toward Phillips when the other man responded to him, however most of his attention was taken up with watching Usagi heading over to the bar. It would be nice to be able to enjoy her company in privacy. He could really say the things he wanted to say without having to worry quite so much about his words ending up in the media the next morning.

Mamoru couldn’t help chuckling at Usagi’s question. She was hungry again, despite having eaten a large dinner and desert and then drinking coffee later. Obviously some things would never change, his Usako would always be food crazy. He shook his head in amusement and said, “We can order some food.” He wasn’t particularly hungry, but he didn’t mind eating a little more. “I still say they aren’t feeding you enough over at your palace though.”

[Neo Queen Serenity]

"Makoto is a wonderful cook and takes good care of me," Usagi insisted stubbornly. It wasn't her fault, or even Usagi's that stress had a way of just melting off pounds. It was amazing how much calories one could burn just by having to worry about the entire world.

Usagi plopped down at the bar, snatching up a menu and perusing it.

"I'll have the lobster tempura, the oysters rockefeller and shrimp cocktail," she said, deciding to order three appetizers. "Oh, and a Singapore Slinger. That'll be on him," she said sweetly, pointing to Mamoru, and slid the menu over to him. "Take your pick."

[Chiba Mamoru]

Mamoru rose an eyebrow at her when she was stubbornly insisted that Makoto was a good cook and that she took good care of her. “Easy dear, I didn’t mean to insult you or Makoto. I was only teasing you. Things have been hectic lately, I know that. Don’t get defensive.”

He grinned at her before taking the menu and looking at it for a moment. “I’ll have the lobster tempura and the shrimp cocktail, as well as a Long Island Iced Tea.”

Mamoru set the menu down and returned his attention back to Usagi. He studied her quietly for a moment, just enjoying being in her company. However, he knew that someone needed to carry on the conversation and so he asked, “So what have you been up to lately? Beyond the usual I mean.”

[Neo Queen Serenity]

Usagi nodded. It wasn't so much that she was insulted personally, as she was hyper about Mamoru commenting on anything that might reflect poorly on one of the senshi. "I wasn't trying to bite your head off, just saying. I'm also sensitive about my weight right now. The whole world calorie-counts with me," Usagi sighed. "And you would think that with all that I do eat, I would get fat, but it's just the opposite. I can't seem to eat fast enough to keep weight on anymore."

She waited calmly as Mamoru put in his order, listening to the live band play. They were very good-- she had learned to appreciate jazz after saving Yusuke Amade. That had been the first time she had gone into a real club-- with Luna attempting to pose as her stole. She had ordered a non-alcoholic drink-- that had been no fun!

Her drink placed in front of her, she took a sip, staring at Mamoru blankly as he asked her what she had been up to. "Do you seriously expect me to answer that?" Usagi blurted out, until she realized how rude that probably sounded. "I mean... It's a fair question, but..."

She struggled how to put this in words, desperately trying to think about to figure out what she really had been up to. But even the morning was completely fuzzy. In fact, the afternoon wasn't all that clear either. She just remembered lots of busyness, and then taking off an hour early to get ready for the evening. Only Mamoru's phone call stuck out at her from the blur that had been her day, only because it had been so unexpected and so unusual.

Usagi remembered New Year's day pretty vividly- there had been more than enough drama that day to stick out at her, but the rest, save the broken engagement, was just an even bigger blur. She pinched the bridge of her nose, trying not to show how unsettling this all was. "...Just the usual, I think. Because I really can't remember."

What a stupid answer! She felt so embarrassed. Why couldn't she even remember what she was doing twelve hours ago?

[Chiba Mamoru]

Mamoru nodded, accepting her answer. “You really shouldn’t be sensitive about your weight, as far as I can see it isn’t really any of the world’s business.” He gave her a wry grin before adding, “but I guess it’s one of those things that can’t be helped when you are in the public eye. Whatever you do, the world believes it is their business no matter how private you might like to keep it.” He paused a moment before continuing a little worriedly, “As for eating and still losing weight, it’s the stress more then likely. You need to find some way to unwind even in the most stressful situation. A guess a good break would really do you good.”

He took a sip of his drink when it was set before him. Mamoru was a little startled at Usagi’s first response, but his surprise turned into concern as he watched her attempt to figure out what she had done before. Immediately he reached across the table to lightly lay his hand on her arm and murmured, “Usagi, don’t fret so much. It’s ok. It isn’t really that big a deal. I remember back before, well just before ...”

Mamoru didn’t care to mention the breakup simply because he didn’t like thinking about it. He figured she’d understand what he meant and so he continued, “Things were always so busy that it was hard to remember what went on in the last minute, much less the previous day. Now you’ve got even more stress to deal with. What with the New Year’s ball and well everything else, it’s no wonder that your days have blended together. That happens sometimes, don’t worry about it.”

[Neo Queen Serenity]

"Yeah, everyone says that," Usagi muttered. "'Just ignore it.' Except you can't, when it's in your face everywhere. And then your advisors tell you that there are lots of little girls all over the globe who want to be just like you and you have to project a good body image in order to be a good role model... I'm everyone's mother, apparently. Every 13 year old that develops anorexia is my fault, now." Usagi shook her head. "Thank you, Dr. Chiba," she said dryly. "I do take breaks, you know."

She wasn't sure what it was about Mamoru's touch that suddenly brought tears to her eyes. Her fingers moved from the bridge of her noes to her temples as she rubbed them. Maybe she was starting to get tired-- it was a feeble excuse for the emotions that were brought to the surface.

Usagi nodded slowly at his words, simultaenously feeling so very grateful and yet resentful that he was so understanding. It felt good to be told it was only natural, it was okay, and yet the conflicting emotions it brought to the surface were not what she wanted to be feeling right. They should be happy. She was not being happy enough.

"You're right, of course," she agreed readily, though she internally cringed at his last words. 'That happens sometimes, don't worry about it.'

"Except it's not sometimes," she said quietly before she could stop himself, but in such a small voice that she wasn't sure if he could hear her or not.

[Chiba Mamoru]

There wasn’t anything he could really say that would make that better. Usagi was right, people were always going to be watching her and wanting to be just like her. There were going to be people that would blame her because of how their children turned out. Finally he just said, “Regardless of that Usagi, you can’t take on everyone’s problems even when they stand there and blame you. You have to take care of yourself or you won’t be able to be there for them when they need you to be. Just be yourself, you’ve always been in good shape anyway. They can’t ask for more then that can they?” He sighed just a little and said, “I know you take breaks here and there whenever you can. I was actually referring to your vacation and you taking a good long break away from everything just being as normal a person as you can be. It’ll be good for you.”

He frowned a little when he caught the shine of tears in her eyes, but he wasn’t at certain as to what put them there. Was she really that upset?

Mamoru barely caught it, but he did hear the quietly spoken words she uttered at the end. His frown deepened, his eyes darkening in concern for her emotional and mental well being. She was hurting and there wasn’t anything that he could really do to help her. He sighed softly before drawing her close, unable to resist attempting to give her some small comfort.

He dearly wished that he could shelter her from everything bothering her, take her away from all the stress that she was living under, but there wasn’t anything that he could do. She was the Queen of the World, everyone looked to her for everything. Things were always going to be rough on her. In a thousand years when she was use to ruling, things would still be rough on her because she would still be the absolute power. The one person that people expected to always be perfect, always be right there whenever they needed her.

Mamoru kissed her brow and murmured, “I wish that I could make things better for you Usa. More then anything I wish I could take away all your worries and uncertainty, but I can’t. All I can say is that you aren’t alone, you have your friends and you have me. I’m not going anywhere, even if in the end all you want is friendship I’ll be there whenever you need me.”

Although he didn’t really draw away from her, Mamoru loosened his hold just a bit so that Usagi could easily pull away if she wanted. He knew that he was taking a few liberties there, but he just couldn’t stand the pain and uncertainty he had heard in her voice.

[Neo Queen Serenity]

"That's all I can give them, it never stops people from asking more," Usagi muttered in reply. Nothing she ever did would be enough for anyone, anymore. Was it just her? She couldn't live up to any expectations, often she went back to thinking that this whole thing was a mistake, a fluke. Everyone always needed more from her and she would spend the rest of her life falling short.

"I dunno," Usagi remarked as he mentioned a vacation. "It's a nice idea, but I feel guilty enough leaving the Palace for something other than a royal engagement or business trip."

She allowed him to draw her closer and kiss her forehead, sinking into his arms and just clinging for a moment. Usagi needed it, she had always needed physical comfort and affection, and she would soak it up from Mamoru if he cared to give it. Even after they had broken up, what was it about being in his embrace that was so soothing, that made her feel so safe, that she could tell him anything? And here he was, telling her that if all she wanted was friendship, he would be there for her. Wasn't that a test of true love? To love someone regardless of what they wanted or needed from you, to love them unconditionally, even if you weren't getting what you wanted? No matter what he would be there for her... She wanted to believe that so badly, to just rest in it for a moment, and forget about his betrayal and the Shitennou and all of her doubts about what he did and who he was.

She buried her head in his chest, inhaling shakily and vaguely noticing his familiar scent. It brought back so many memories... Mamoru had never been great with expressing his own feelings, but for the most part he could always be depended on to comfort her. Perhaps it was one of the reasons she felt so hurt the night they broke up.

Usagi wanted to tell him, in this moment, that yesterday she came very close to walking away from all of this. She wanted to say that quitting was seeming more and more attractive, that someone brighter and smarter and kinder to his or her friends should take over, and she would try to fade into obscurity. It was only the fact that another person would not be able to deal with Chaos in the way that she and her senshi would, that stopped her.

But she managed to keep it to herself, though she didn't move from his embrace. She just wanted this one moment to herself.

[Chiba Mamoru]

Mamoru shook his head stubbornly and said, “It’s more then a nice idea Usa, it’s a great one. You need a break. The Palace can rely on itself for a week or so. It won’t kill them to do so and you could always leave contact information with Hikari or someone just in case a real emergency should arrive.” He wasn’t thrilled with her possibly going off to Romania to be with that Alex guy, but he was really starting to think that she needed the break. If going there would get her the break she needed then he wouldn’t stand in her way. “You know the other government leaders all had their vacation spots that they could go to for breaks. If they were allowed to take vacations then why shouldn’t you be able to do so?”

When she didn’t pull away, Mamoru tightened his embrace hugging her closer. He stroked her back gently in a soothing manner and murmured into her hair, “It’ll be alright Usa. Whatever it is, everything will work out in the end. Things are so different then we expected them to be, but that doesn’t mean that it won’t turn out fine. They’ve got to ...”

[Neo Queen Serenity]

"I would have to do some Queen things no matter," Usagi muttered. "I imagine Hikari and one other aide would have to come with." He seemed so insistent. She sighed herself. "You think I need my own Camp David, then? You could be right." She just didn't know anymore. Usagi began to shut down a bit, just tiring of thinking and feeling this way and feeling guilty for even believing she could take time off, and then having Mamoru push her in the other direction. "You know what I fantasize about these days?" She confessed quietly. "I dream about going to Europe or America or something, and just buying a house. A big house in the middle of nowhere that would be all my own. And when I wanted to I could just fly away and stay at the house all by myself. And it wouldn't have so much as a landline. And I wouldn't take anyone with me, not even Luna." She loved her friends, and she loved being with people-- but even Usagi had her limits. These days the only place she could ever truly have any privacy was in the bathroom. Sometimes she would go even when she didn't have to, just to lock herself in and not be accountable to anyone for anything, just for five minutes.

Usagi squeezed her eyes shut as Mamoru held her close, not wanting to cry. She was always such a crybaby, and this was not the place for it, even though they had more privacy right now than they had had most of the night. "I wish I could believe you..." Usagi murmured in reply. Nothing had to happen. Nothing had to be 'fine.' And while she would adapt, and there were things she enjoyed greatly about this job, she just wished that she didn't disappoint so many people.

[Chiba Mamoru]

“Maybe, but you’d still be on a vacation for the most part. You’d get the chance to rest away from the pressures of being Queen at least for a little while. More then likely you’d have to bring along Lucan or at least his people as well, but you’d still get the chance to get away from all of this.” Mamoru frowned just a little at the mention of her fantasy. It was so very different then anything that Usagi had ever wanted before and it worried him more then he’d like. Still he certainly understood the need for privacy. When he had still resided in the palace, he remembered wanting to find places that no one could find him easily. That was what had led him to go swimming with Ami that day, the need to be somewhere that others wouldn’t expect. “A great big house in the middle of nowhere with nothing else around might get lonely after a while. Still, I can certainly appreciate the need for solitude and privacy in a world where you rarely get any.”

Mamoru continued holding her close and stroking her back just trying to give as much comfort as he could for as long as she would allow. Usagi was hurting and he wasn’t sure what to say to make it better. There really wasn’t anything he could say beyond what he had already been saying. All he could do was continue to let her know that he would be there just like he said he would. “Just remember you aren’t alone. No matter what happens, you aren’t alone in any of it.”

[Neo Queen Serenity]

"Yean, that's true," Usagi muttered. She hadn't forgot about security, she just thought it would go without saying. "I was telling Makoto and Minako at the ball that the only way I'll ever get Lucan to take a vacation is if I go on one myself." He would typically assign himself to her detail for trips, too, just because he always told her that she was that much more vulnerable when she was traveling.

"I wouldn't stay there forever," Usagi murmured. "Just a day or two. I would do whatever I wanted, with no one watching, or scolding, or judging, or getting jealous, or offended, or writing about it, or talking on the television about it, or getting advice on how I'm doing it wrong or what I should be doing instead. I wouldn't have to ask about anyone else's opinion. It would be just me."

Usagi nodded as he said that. It was her worst fear, after all, to be alone. But it was a fear that was quickly competing with another one, that perhaps, just maybe, other people would be better off with someone different, or without her. Or maybe she was doing more harm than good.

[Chiba Mamoru]

“Has Lucan ever relaxed and not been ready to spring into work if need be? I can’t say that I’ve ever noticed him taking a break from his job. You know when I called him that night that Motoki and I needed rescuing, it was three in the morning. The man should have been sound asleep and yet he still answered the phone sounding as crisp and professional as always.” Out of curiosity and a desire to keep her talking, Mamoru asked, “Would you take your senshi along with you if you did go on this vacation? It’s been a long time since the lot of you have been able to just be yourselves and not worry about anything but your friendship.”

Mamoru nodded easily and murmured, “I can see how that would be nice. The chance to do whatever you wanted without worrying over anyone else’s opinion is a privilege you don’t really get to enjoy. It’s one that ordinary people take for granted I think. They look at you, or anyone else in the spotlight and envy them, never once realizing that it’s a hard place to be in.” He sighed softly before saying, “I’d get it for you if I could you know, the house or even just a time that you could be by yourself with nothing to worry about.” His mouth turned up in the beginnings of a grin as he added, “I’d whisk you away from here to some secluded spot to let you bask in being alone if I thought I could get away with it, but I’m afraid Phillips might get a tad antsy if I tried.”

Mamoru’s response was to simply cuddle her closer, continue stroking her back soothingly, and murmuring reassurances in her ear. He sensed that there was something, some pain or fear that she was keeping locked away within her heart and it hurt him. It hurt to know that she had fallen so far away from the bright and hopeful girl she once had been and he hadn’t even noticed. This hadn’t just sprung up, these anxieties and fears of hers. They had taken a long time to build and he hadn’t taken the time to realize it. She had needed him and he had been so caught up in his own things that he hadn’t taken the time to notice.

In some dim portion of Mamoru mind, he did realize that even in a place full of people that were use to seeing the queen they were probably beginning to be noticed. After all even diplomats and other high officials were curious by nature and their queen wasn’t acting at all like her normal self. However, Mamoru didn’t particularly care at the moment. Let them gawk, Usagi needed to be hugged and cuddled. She needed to be comforted and to know that she wasn’t alone. She needed him at the moment and whatever strength he could give her and Mamoru wasn’t about to take it away from her until she herself drew away.

Although Mamoru hadn’t noticed his approach because he had been caught up with holding Usagi in his arms and trying to comfort her, the server eventually arrived at with the food they had ordered. He cleared his throat uncomfortably as he set the dishes in front of them before asking uneasily, “Is there anything else I can get for you? More drinks, anything at all?””