1/6AM I'm fine, really! Ami/Usagi

[Neo Queen Serenity]

She had agreed to do this, for Luna. It still didn't make it any easier. Usagi loved Ami, but she hated doctors, or at least going to see doctors. They usually had terrible manners, or so she thought, and they always liked to play God. That was why she chose her friend as her primary physician.

But this particular issue was just as difficult to go to Ami to as it would be to any other doctor. First of all, she was sure that Luna was wrong, and everyone else was too. Even though things definitely weren't right, really, that didn't meant that they were wrong, either. Nope.

She came early in the morning, wanting to just get this over with, The sooner the better. She would prove to Ami, Luna, and anyone else that she was completely, totally fine.

Usagi insisted on being shown to a waiting room. She didn't want to skip ahead of other patients (if there were any) or anyone else who might need Ami's attention. She was happy to sit in a chair and thumb through National Geographic and procrastinate and hope that she wasn't noticed.

Don't notice me, I'm not here.... Lalalala, I'm invisible...

[Mizuno Ami]

Ami was not currently seeing patients beyond her sisters. She was too busy getting everything in place to finish her residency... last week. That wasn't being too big of a headache despite the little voice in her head that told her that she was cheating. She was also making sure that she had all of her notes on the administration of the hospital in order so that she could hand that over to someone else--after she figured out WHO.

She was also spending significant amounts of time studying the medical care situations of various parts of the world. While there were no countries any more, there was still a variety in the standard of care and the care available to those who were underprivileged and while Ami was relatively familiar with several situations, she felt a need to familiarize herself with the whole picture.

So the only one that Ami was expecting to see that day was Usagi, and when the nurse told her that she was here, she smiled and stood, going out to the waiting area to greet Usagi herself. "Usagi-chan." Her smile was genuinely warm as she greeted her, wearing her lab coat over a simple blue skirt and white blouse, and a pair of flats. "Come on back."

[Neo Queen Serenity]

Usagi mentally groaned as she heard Ami's voice, setting the magazine aside and standing up. At least her friend seemed to be in a good mood. That would make this easier. Usagi was always tense in hospitals and clinics, anyway.

"Ami-chan," she smiled in return. Despite her reluctance to be doing this, she was genuinely happy to see the senshi. Apparently her ploy to go unnoticed hadn't worked, not that she ever really believed it would. But she was hoping for more time...

"You must be so busy," she commented hopefully, following Ami back. "You know, this isn't urgent, or anything... I could always come back later if you want... Yeah I think that's a good idea, I'll just come back when you're not busy..." she blathered on, trying to talk herself out of this. However, her body betrayed her words and kept following, regardless.

[Mizuno Ami]

Ami smiled over to Usagi as she led her to the office. "Usagi-chan. Relax. I'm never too busy for you or for any of the girls. Besides, having a 'patient' will be a nice break from what I've been doing."

She opened the door to her office, not an exam room, though if she needed to she'd take her down to one of those after they talked a bit. "I tell you what, we'll go out for ice cream after this."

She gestured for Usagi to have a seat in one of the chairs in her office as she sat in the other. The Mercury Computer was sitting on her desk, ready for her to use it.

"So, let me clarify things. Yes, I know you're here because Luna's concerned. But what I'm interested in is how you're doing. How you feel." She raised a hand before Usagi could say she was fine. "You're under a lot of pressure, it's ok if you're not feeling fine. It's also ok if you are." It was important to her that Usagi understand that Ami was there to help her and make sure she was all right.

[Neo Queen Serenity]

"If you say so," Usagi gulped, looking around nervously, though she immediately perked up at the mention of ice cream, skipping ahead a step and snatching up Ami's arm.

"Really, Ami-chan?" Usagi breathed with excitement. "You'd go out ice cream with me? That's so great!! I haven't had ice cream for two days, and I'm absolutely dying for some, now that you mention it... Is it okay to eat ice cream before noon?" she widened her eyes at the doctor.

Once inside, Usagi took a seat, her nervousness returning. Just as Ami had expected, she first opened her mouth to insist that she was fine, but then promptly shut it as Ami kept talking.

Maybe this wouldn't be so bad. Usagi sighed. "Well... are we talking physically or mentally? And I feel lots of things during the course of a day... Can you be a bit more specific?" If she was going to be honest, she needed more than just that general question. Society, not just her own stubborness, usually insisted upon an answer of 'fine' to the question 'how are you doing?'

[Mizuno Ami]

She chuckled and nodded, "I wouldn't want you making a habit of it, but on occasion, it's perfectly fine." She grinned amused that even with everything, Usagi was still Usagi. That made things a bit easier actually.

"I mean physically or mentally." She smiled warmly to her, "Some people actually experience stress physically rather than feeling it as an emotion. A constantly upset stomach, for example could be a manifestation of stress even if the person doesn't realize it. Though if you're experiencing any mental symptoms, I'd like to hear about those as well. Luna mentioned the possibility that you're forgetting things you wouldn't normally." Ami was not going to lie or hide anything.

"You also just ended a ten year relationship. You know you have my full support in that, but you went right back to work. That could easily be a coping mechanism, but it's entirely possible that you're also experiencing some, understandable, depression."

"And we both know that despite how much you eat you're losing weight. That's probably stress related. Even if you're not overly stressed, you're going non-stop and that is going to affect your metabolism. Are you sleeping?"

[Neo Queen Serenity]

"Oh good," Usagi said with palpable relief. "So I'm not doing anything really wrong when I do it. How about cookies? Is it okay to have a box of cookies before lunch? Or cake? Or cake AND ice cream? Or truffles..."

Usagi bit her lip, unable to stop the instant tears that swarmed in her eyes at the mention of her forgetfulness. "I'm normally forgetful," she answered, a little sullenly, looking down at her lap and swinging her legs back and forth like a little girl. But, she looked up at her friend, deciding to be just as honest with Ami as she was her. "But, it's not what it normally was," she confessed. "I've thought it's a bit abnormal... I just can't remember much of what I'm doing anymore. For example I can tell you that I woke up this morning and went for a short run, only because I know that I do that everyday, not because I remember doing it. I can't tell you what I did yesterday for work. The past year and a half pretty much seems like a big blur. I can remember if I'm asked very specific questions, but if I just try and think back, even very hard... I pretty much get nothing..."

She shook her head slowly as Ami talked about depression. She just didn't think she had that, not over Mamoru. "I've had ups and downs with that. Sometimes it hurts, sometimes I feel relieved. I'm still confident it was the right decision." She wasn't even sure what work had to do with it.

Usagi nodded when Ami mentioned her weight. It was true, slowly but surely she was shedding a kilogram or two, though other times she would gain. She didn't even bother to weigh herself anymore. "I'm sleeping, usually eight hours a night." She could get by on less and be perfectly fine, but just didn't like to. Her quality of sleep wasn't always the best, though.

Frowning, Usagi remembered something. She had told Michiru so she might as well tell Ami. "And... not sure if this is related or even counts, or whatever, but I got through a bottle of Excedrin Migraine about every two weeks."

[Mizuno Ami]

"As long as you're also eating healthily... it's not like you're overweight and need to watch what you eat." Ami chuckled, very familiar with Usagi's sweet tooth.

She frowned as she listened to rest of what Usagi had to say. She grabbed a pad and started scribbling down a couple of notes. However, it was clear that she was listening to what Usagi was saying, as well as noting her friend's distress. For the moment Usagi was not the Princess from the past or the queen, she was simply Ami's friend, and Ami needed to be able to help her.

"First, ups and downs would be natural. And Usagi, I agree that you made the right decision. It was yours to make, and I want you to know that I fully trust you. However, it sounds like you're dealing with it healthily." She grinned, "So, I see no reason to put you on anything for that or have you talk to a psychiatrist."

"However, both the constant headaches and the forgetfulness concern me. I know you're not going to like this, Usagi-chan, but I want to give you a complete scan. Yes, it's probably all related to stress, but I want to make sure that there's not something else going on." She smiled a bit, trying to keep Usagi from thinking the worse. "In all probability, what's going to happen is that as your personal doctor, I'm going to issue an order for you to take vacations and weekends. And honestly, if anyone has a hard time with that, they need to get over it. No one else has half as much on their shoulders as you do."

"I'm probably also going to prescribe you something for headaches. I don't like you using that much Acetaminophen... it's too easy to build up a tolerance. It's actually one of the most common medications in accidental overdoses."

"I would imagine reducing your stress will help with your weight stabilizing, though I am encouraged that you're sleeping. Without any sleep aid, I hope?" She should know if anyone had prescribed anything to Usagi, but she wanted to be sure.

"Now, before I run the scans, do you have any questions for me?"

[Neo Queen Serenity]

Something cleared in Usagi's expression as Ami told her that she made the right decision and she was supported. She had never truly thought otherwise-- Ami had been supportive from the beginning, but after recent events she needed to hear the words. "Thank you. Having you say that is the best medicine of all." She nodded when Ami told her there was no need to be prescribed something for that or be referred to a psychiatrist.

"Actually, I'm glad you feel that way. Even if that was the case I would rather go in for cognitive restructuring than anti-depressants; considering the risks I would be reluctant to get them before pursuing other options." This was one area she had familiarity with-- psychology had been her field and while she had never gone on to graduate school, she was well-versed in the risks and limitations of psychiatric medications. "And... I don't think I need a shrink for Mamoru, but you don't have to worry about me getting huffy about the idea." After studying it, she knew it was necessary and there was nothing wrong in seeing a psychiatrist or psychologist.

She did groan when Ami said she wanted to do a complete scan. "Well you did promise me ice cream afterwards..." Usagi muttered. "Just how 'complete' are we talking here? Labs?" she whined. "Imaging? What?"

Usagi turned faintly pink as Ami mentioned that it was too easy to build up a tolerance. She had actually considered taking more than the recommended dose, but didn't just because she had to report how much she had had and when she took things, even over the counter drugs, just in case there was an emergency and her doctor (Ami) needed the information.

She shook her head when Ami asked about a sleep aid. "Tylenol PM once or twice, but I hated how groggy I feel, and I haven't asked for anything that's not OTC; I really can't have most sedatives. I do fine by myself most of the time. I mean... I dream," Usagi admitted, reflecting on the many nightmares she had had over the past year. But she could hardly be alone; all of the senshi had endured so much due to their pasts and Chaos. "but who doesn't?"

Usagi thought for a moment when Ami asked if she had more questions. She didn't really have questions, but she was beginning to realize that she hadn't told the whole story.

Oh what the hell, just get out with it. It hasn't been so bad this far, she's Ami-chan, not a normal doctor.

"Well... Not really, just I haven't mentioned everything. I'm not sure if this is anything or not, but there's a good part of the time when I feel like I'm walking around in somewhat of a daze. Things just don't seem real, it often feels like I'm a long way away from everything and everyone, or I'm watching a movie. And there are moments when I'm convinced that I'm living someone else's life. Actually there are times when I am sure I'm standing outside of myself watching myself do these things, because I can't believe that it's really me that's doing them. I thought I would just get used to things, but it happens more than ever, so I just don't know anymore. It's rather annoying."

[Mizuno Ami]

"Just make sure you let me know if there is anything else, especially if you start losing sleep. Sleep and even dreams are important to our health. Dreams are important, even if it seems like that steal some of your rest. However, if they become so that you wake up more tired than you went to sleep, we'll need to see what we can do."

"As for the scans..." She grinned and gestured towards the Mercury Computer. "I know you don't like MRIs, and I feel like I can get a fuller picture with this anyway." It's not something that she would have used on any patient other than one of the senshi, but on Usagi she felt like it was a perfectly appropriately tool.

"Consider it a perk of being Sailor Moon." Ami winked to Usagi, wanting to set her at ease a bit.

"Hmm... That could just be from feeling overwhelmed. I have to admit, I feel that way sometimes too, but I'm guessing not to the same degree that you're describing. I think regardless of the scan, I'm going to be prescribing some rest, Usagi. And by rest I mean a real vacation and weekends where you're only contacted in the case of a real emergency. If we're going to be doing this for a millennium, than this is definitely a marathon not a sprint."

She stood and grabbed a scanner that was connected directly to the Mercury Computer, as well as calling forth the visor--something she could but did not do often without being transformed. "Just relax. Take slow, deep breaths in and out." She began the scan, focusing entirely on Usagi's brain to start with. If need be, she'd ask her to stand once she finished the brain scans.

[Neo Queen Serenity]

"Well, I don't like them," Usagi grumbled. "I'm sure I have lots, but the ones I remember are the nightmares. Sometimes I'll wake up several times, and more than tired I'll feel just weird throughout the rest of the day, it's much harder to concentrate and I avoid anything that was in the dream. But that doesn't happen every night, only sometimes, and it's certainly not new, just a little more frequent."

Usagi perked up immediately as Ami gestured to the computer. "Oh, that's wonderful," she said with relief. An MRI, especially with contrast, would cause her no small amount of anxiety. They were loud and scary and she hated needles.

"Well, that's what I thought as first, too," Usagi said with a nod. "Just everything was so new and different, it would take awhile to get used to, but if that was it, when I've settled into a routine, then why does it happen more? It doesn't make sense to me." At least she wasn't completely crazy-- Ami said she felt something similar. "Have you ever felt like you were physically standing and watching yourself from a distance?

"I talked about taking a vacation, even before this, just haven't acted on it yet." However, Usagi was very skeptical about weekends. She would have to see on that.

Usagi took deep breaths as Ami instructed, even closing her eyes as the scan went on. There didn't appear to be any organic cause to her headaches or memory issues, but her brain was certainly not normal. Hippocampus volume atrophied by about 15 percent, while right anterior medial temporal region, including amygdala activity was markedly increased, consistent with her description of anterograde memory problems and dissociative symptoms, instead of damage to prefrontal regions as characterized by organic problems.

[Mizuno Ami]

Ami frowned as she looked over the results, her own head beginning to pound as she did so. How the hell had she let it gotten this bad? She should have been scanning Usagi on a regular basis, that much was clear to her, and she could not help but ball her fist slightly as she studied the readout on the Mercury Computer.

"I'm afraid I'm going to have to put you on anti-depressants, Usagi. I'm also going to have to refer you to a Psychiatrist." She sighed, trying to keep her tone even. The last thing she wanted was to add to Usagi's stress right now. "And I'm going to want to be running scans on you regularly from now on."

"Doctor's orders, you need to take a week off as soon as your staff can schedule it... I'll arrange it with them. And weekends... no more business on weekends unless it's absolutely necessary. And I mean crucial, Usagi. I mean, if you don't deal with it right now the world stops spinning urgent." Her voice broke no argument. She'd arrange it with Usagi's staff herself. Heck, she'd make a press statement if it was necessary. And if anyone was stupid enough to think that this made Usagi weak, she'd let them know just how ridiculous that was.

[Neo Queen Serenity]

Usagi opened her eyes, frowning slightly at what she was told. She didn't like it, but at this point she knew better than to argue. Ami was quite serious.

She looked down at the floor for a good moment. "Alright," she agreed quietly. She trusted her friend, and as much as the idea of meds bugged her, she supposed she'd have to at least give it a try. And she already promised not to fuss over the idea of a shrink, though suddenly it seemed much less appealing in reality than it did in theory.

"I think... I'll start that week after the ninth." She would rest up after her adventure with Mamoru, and not worry about staying out too late. Though a few minutes ago, she would have been willing to fight about taking time off so soon, suddenly it just didn't seem to matter much, anymore. Resisting would be counterproductive, and seeing Ami's face, probably futile.

[Mizuno Ami]

Ami nodded and wrote the script. Dealing with Usagi's medicine could be tricky, as there were things that did not need to be leaked out, but it was also necessary to keep very careful records. Ami would see to fulfilling the order herself so that there would be no chance of Usagi's personal information being leaked to the press.

"I'll have to seriously consider who I would trust with seeing you. I don't want you to go to just anyone. But this is not a field that I specialize in. I'll request that any changes in medication go through me, that way I can deal directly with getting them filled and reduce one possible leak. I'll have you set up with someone by the time you return from your vacation."

She also wrote a second script for a light anti-inflammatory that she felt would be safer for Usagi to use to deal with the headaches, though those were most likely connected to the other.

She forced herself to smile as she turned her attention back to Usagi, "Are there any other concerns or questions you have before we go for ice cream?"

She'd also send an appointment request to do a full physical of Usagi once she returned from vacation, but she knew her own limits and realized that there was not much more she could or handle professionally at the moment.