1/2PM An Improving Book (Usa/Mamoru)

[Neo Queen Serenity]

"Says you," Usagi smirked. "I think you can have too many. They're awfully heavy and hard to move... I gave away so much manga when I moved into my apartment, just because I didn't want to have to carry it downstairs and to my car."

She shook her head at his pouting, smiling all the while. "Well, I can't make it too easy for you! Besides, I could learn a thing or two as well." Usagi told herself to keep the flirting on this subject to a minimum-- she really was going to make it too easy for him. It felt so natural to tease and act like this, but she was making it sound like ending back up with him was inevitable. It wasn't, and she couldn't give the wrong impression. "Mm-hmm. What, you want to bet on it, or something?"

Once at the cashier's, Usagi blushed at the attention directed her way. The boy stared for so long and so intensely that she began to fidget slightly, beginning to wonder if she had something in her teeth! She gave him a small smile, and said hello, but he was gawking at her in such a way that made any friendly conversation impossible. Usagi found herself slowly inching behind Mamoru as he directed the boy's attention to himself and he started to ring up the purchases. She opened her purse and took out her wallet, furrowing her brow. She hadn't really had to pay for anything personally in about a year. People purchased things for her, and either took it out of her government 'salary' or from the income she derived from private investments, investments she had made with said salary. But going up to a cashier and swiping a card? That hadn't happened in just about a year. Usagi pulled out her old credit card, the one she got in college. She had paid it off long ago-- when she was Queen-elect people would randomly freeze her assets until she assumed control over the financial system, and so she had maxed out the card. However, it was clear now, so she could use it. Her brow furrowed as she looked at the expiration date. "...Or maybe not," Usagi muttered. She never remembered getting a new card in the mail. Setting it aside, she pulled out her debit card. She didn't really use that checking account anymore, but there was enough laying around in there to pay for the books. But the card had expired seven months ago! Usagi laughed nervously, setting that one aside. The other checking account? Also expired. Her savings account card? Expired. Usagi groaned, and then set her purse on the counter, leaning forward to smile sweetly at the cashier. "You take personal checks, righhhtttt? Please? The address on the checks is a little outdated, but I can give you my updating billing address, and--"

"--No, no you can't!" called Phillips. "Your billing address isn't the same as your physical address." Usagi's brow furrowed. This was true... "...And it's billed to your financial advisor, who's address is classified. And anyway your account and routing number on the check are also classified."

"...Damn. Well, what about the mail? Where did my updated cards go?"

"They're probably with your aides."

Usagi pouted, and gave Mamoru an apologetic glance. "This is so embarrassing!" How was she going to pay for this? Maybe she could call someone to quickly run by with cash... I've been out of the normal world for far too long!

[Chiba Mamoru]

“That’s just being lazy,” Mamoru shook his head and returned her smirk. “Though I suppose it also makes sense in a way. After all, I’d hate to run out of room just because of the books I keep.”

He grinned at her, enjoying banter between them. However, his response held a trace of seriousness. “I wouldn’t want you to make it easier on me Usa, not really. Like we said earlier, we’ve both got things to learn. It wouldn’t be ...” He paused a moment searching for the right word. “Honest I guess, or maybe real ... I’m not sure.” His smile brightened as he added, “Not a bet so much as a statement.”

Mamoru continued to stare at the cashier for a few moments more to make certain he got the message. When the cashier rang up the books, Mamoru relaxed and pulled out his wallet to pay for his share of the books. He paused however when he noticed Usagi having trouble. He rose an eyebrow as he watched her go from credit card, to debit card, to checking account, and then to Agent Phillips telling her that she couldn’t use those.

He continued watching quietly until she turned back to him with an apologetic glance. Mamoru smiled and shook his head. “Don’t worry about it Usa, I’ve got it.”

[Neo Queen Serenity]

"It's not lazy, it's practical! I didn't want to throw out my back by hauling boxes of books downstairs!" Usagi protested, but she let the topic drop after that. He was only teasing, after all.

Usagi nodded at his words. "I agree with that," she offered with a small smile. It wouldn't be fair to either of them to make it too easy-- they were both going to have to work-- she'd let him work on them-- Usagi had work to do on herself, work that had nothing to do with Chiba Mamoru.

Sighing with exasperation and putting her things back, Usagi nodded slowly to Mamoru. "Would you, please? I'm sorry about this, it's the first time I've even had to chance to really buy myself something in person. Crazy, isn't it? I promise I'll get you back when we go to the Palace later on... In cash," she said dryly. "I doubt you want to set up an encrypted wire transfer via escrow account in the Bahamas... or whatever the procedure would be."

She zipped up her purse and glanced at the magazines for a moment while Mamoru was finishing up. Once that was done, she headed across the store to stand in the coffee line at Starbucks. Unlike the cashier's, there was actually a line here. She queued up patiently, until an employee stepped up and offered to let her jump to the front of the line. Usagi refused. There were other people waiting, and she wasn't such a prima donna that she had to skip the line just because she was the Queen. No way.

And it moved quickly enough. She stepped up to the front, ignoring the stares. "Hey there! I'll have a venti vanilla latte with extra foam, two pumps mocha, one pump caramel, extra shot of espresso, made with 2% milk and with whipped cream on top. Please? Thank you." She stepped aside so that Mamoru could order.

[Chiba Mamoru]

Mamoru shook his head and murmured, “I told you not to worry about it Usa. You don’t have to pay me back. It’s not that big of a deal ...” He placed his wallet back into his pants pocket and picked up the bags containing the books. “I really didn’t mind getting the books for you.”

He followed her across the store to the coffee line in Starbucks. Mamoru nodded in approval when Usagi refused to jump to the front of the line. He was glad that she hadn’t changed so much now that she was the Queen.

After she had ordered her vanilla latte with all the extra stuff in it Mamoru shook his head and murmured teasingly, “I still say that you can’t call that coffee, with all that sweet stuff can you even taste the espresso in it?” He turned back to the counter and said, “Whatever the coffee of the day is, venti regular please. Thank you.”

Mamoru waited until the order had been filled and he had paid for it before leading the way over to a table in the corner. Ignoring the stares and the whispers from the other customers, Mamoru pulled Usagi’s chair out for her and waited for her to sit down before taking his own seat.

[Neo Queen Serenity]

"If you say so," Usagi replied, though she still felt a little guilty that he paid for all of it. New books weren't cheap, even in paperback. Had they been dating, Usagi would not have even thought twice about it-- she had always known how to get Mamoru to spoil her, and growing up with her mother staying at home, she had always picture the boyfriend and fiancé as the provider. It was living on her own, and becoming Queen that changed her opinion, especially considering the financial circumstances it created for her. Living alone with Luna in an apartment had taught her just how expensive things could be, and how to budget, though she had been known to try and mooch off of the senshi now and then. Being Queen and overseeing the vast global economy meant that she was essentially the provider for the government, and the employers, gave her a different prospective on things. Still, she couldn't help but enjoy it when someone else paid. It was nice to be treated.

"That's kind of the idea, not to taste that bitter coffee, but to get all the caffeine," Usagi replied back. "And syrup and sugar taste awesome! So does foam," she said, smacking her lips at the thought of it.

She followed him over to the table, thanking him as he pulled out the chair for her, and took her seat, resting her elbows on the table and looking around. The attention from the others made her slightly uncomfortable, but she tried to ignore it. Part of her detail was near them, another two agents were standing near the counter, carefully watching the nervous employees prepare the drinks, making sure there was no sleight of hand involved.

Usagi leaned back, letting out a sigh. She was not looking forward to heading back to the Palace, and now she had nothing to say to Mamoru, at least for the moment.

"See, that's the problem with coffee and coffee-shops," Usagi finally remarked. "They're supposed to be filled with beatniks spouting poetry, and I have absolutely nothing to say that would be scholarly, illuminating, or remotely erudite."

[Chiba Mamoru]

“I like the taste of that bitter coffee. Adding all that syrup, sugar, and foam would ruin the taste for me, but each to their own I guess.”

Mamoru watched Usagi for a moment, wondering at the sigh. He had to admit that he was running out of things to say. In a situation like this he would normally just relax, drink his coffee, perhaps even flipping through one of his new books, simply enjoying his companion in silence. He didn’t need constant conversation to be happy, but he didn’t want to do that this time. He couldn’t leave it to Usagi to carry on the conversation. For one because he had the feeling that she wouldn’t want to do that and for another he was just enjoying talking with her.

“I don’t believe I have ever been in a coffee-shop filled with beatniks spouting poetry. I don’t need you to say something scholarly, illuminating, or remotely erudite. I’m sure there is something we can talk about ... for instance, you can tell me more about your vacation. You said Romania, why there? I should think you wouldn’t like the cold or if you really did want to talk about something scholarly I suppose we could get a newspaper and talk about one of the articles in there.”

[Neo Queen Serenity]

Usagi smiled and shrugged. "I've been in a few. The Starbucks crowd is more about tapping into the Wi-Fi on their phones or netbooks, more of the business-type people, though college kids still hang out here. Back at ICU, we would have tons of those types of coffee shops on the campus strip. Only without beatniks they would be filled with hipsters, especially on open mike night, where they would either recite emo poetry or make some kind of speech, and then all of the college bands would perform there during the evenings. And everyone would sit around in their ironic t-shirts, smoking and talking about how much they hated capitalism and globalization, even though they were purchasing coffee using their parent's money and are wearing t-shirts made in Guatemala. I never fit in there. I was too much of an optimist."

Usagi nibbled at her lower lip, trying to look anything but guilty at his question about Romania. "Uh, well, it would be... very beautiful in the winter, with the Carpathian mountains and all. And I'd love to see some of the castles..." Or maybe one in particular... "...And, um, I met someone who was from there, and he--" Oh shit, damn it damn it damn it Usagi you had to say he, didn't you?! "--told me about how nice it was during this time of year, and suggested it as someplace that might be fun for a vacation." She smiled innocently, or at least attempted to. It was probably written all over her face-- she wanted to go to Romania to vacation with a very handsome Prince Alexander in his very big and wonderful castle.

Usagi couldn't help but make a face at his remark about picking an article in the newspaper to discuss. "Ugh. Please, no, dear God, no. I do enough of that everyday, either in press conferences or amongst my aides and advisors. I typically read six to eight newspapers in a day, provided my day isn't overly packed with meetings or engagements. I'd rather avoid reading another one if I have to, and discussing what I have read already. Though honestly the past two days I haven't touched the papers, I've been extremely busy with the New Year, and all, and the staff didn't bring them in anyway." She figured it would just be more tripe on the suitors and the broken engagement, and if Hikari said there was nothing in there that she needed to see, Usagi believed her. "Why, is there anything particularlly interesting that I haven't heard about?" She was more than up-to-date on global news, as well as critical news here in the territory of Japan, but she often overlooked municipal or province issues, leaving that to the local governors and councils.

[Chiba Mamoru]

“Yeah, I don’t really think I could imagine you in a place like that.” Mamoru shrugged before gesturing around them and adding, “I don’t think I’d fit in there either. This crowd here is more my type, the business-type people that aren’t paying attention to one another.”

Mamoru rose an eyebrow the moment he noticed Usagi nibbling at her lower lip and trying not to look guilty, which she was failing miserably at. Why would she feel guilty about wanting to go to Romania? It was a logical question to want to know. She hadn’t ever expressed any desire to see Romania to his knowledge so why was she interested in going now in the middle of the coldest weather. Especially since earlier she had been saying that it was too cold for her to work outside.

He listened to her babbling on about loving to see some of the castles, trying to figure out why she was so nervous. It dawned on him however the moment she said the word he. Usagi gave him an innocent smile, or at least tried to, but Mamoru wasn’t fooled. It was written all over her face, the real reason for her sudden desire to visit Romania. A guy, if he had his guess it would probably be that blonde she had danced with at the ball, Alex if he wasn’t mistaken.

Mamoru tried hard not to react, after all she had every right to go off to a foreign country and visit with anyone she wanted, even if that was a blonde diplomat. However, he wasn’t able to prevent a flash of disapproval to ripple across his expression. Followed just as quickly by disappointment and pain before he managed to smooth his expression into one that was more neutral as he said, “That should be fun for you ... I’ve heard that it is a beautiful country, and the castles well lots of history there.”

Of course things went from bad to worse then as Usagi mentioned that she hadn’t had a chance to read the papers since New Years. Didn’t that mean she had missed the story about him and Motoki?

Mamoru’s immediate response was to withdraw. Hiding his panic expertly behind the stoicism that he had always hid behind.

She didn’t know yet. He didn’t have to tell her, maybe she’d be so busy she wouldn’t hear of it. There was a possibility that she’d never see the story. What she didn’t know wouldn’t hurt her right?

“Just more of the usual, nothing important ...”

His answer, just as vague and uninformative as it might once have been. Mamoru could change the subject now and she’d never find out, at least he hoped so. He was about to do just that when he remembered. The whole reason that he was not her fiancé anymore was because this is what he always did.

It wasn’t realistic to believe that Usagi would never find out. The press was bound to bring it to her attention, or even one of the other senshi. She would be far more hurt upon finding out that he had deliberately kept it from her and then he’d lose his chance at restarting their relationship before it even began.

Mamoru swallowed uncomfortably and closed his eyes briefly, searching for the courage he needed to tell her the truth. After a moment he reopened his eyes and said, “No, That’s not true ...”

He glanced away for a long moment before continuing, “The night before the ball I went out to visit Motoki. We visited for awhile and I told him the engagement was off. After awhile we went to a bar so that I could have a chance to forget my troubles for awhile. You have to understand I was really devastated at the time ...”

[Neo Queen Serenity]

"Yes, but I did like the sense of community that it fostered, unlike here," Usagi remarked. "What's the fun in sticking to yourself? Being out in public means meeting people! I guess that's one of the reasons I liked Crown Arcade so much, all different kinds of interesting people came in, and there were regulars so you got to know people... We met each other there quite a few times, after all."

She winced slightly at his expression, but it was fleeting and his words were neutral. "Well, nothing's settled yet. It was just a fancy," Usagi said, trying to explain it all away. "After all, Minako and Makoto and I were discussing--" cabana boys! And Johnny Depp! And cabana boys! And Johnny Depp! Well, I was thinking about Johnny Depp-- "--somewhere warmer, more tropical, more beach, more sun, with caba-- err-- very attentive poolside service, and-- WOW! Look at that, our drinks are ready, I'm just going to hop up right now and go get them!" Usagi stood up quickly, pushing out her chair and heading over to the counter. She picked up the drinks, brought Mamoru his, and seated herself, hoping that the break in conversation would be the end of that.

"Oh, that's good," Usagi replied when he told her there was nothing important in the papers. She sipped on her drink, but looked up as he said that that wasn't quite true. For a moment, her eyes darkened. Still, she was so easily fooled by him-- she really didn't know him that well after all. She had just accepted his word for it; she would have to learn how to read him better, to figure out when he was lying to her...

Usagi set her cup down on the table, listening attentively. When Mamoru paused, she leaned forward, lowering her voice in volume, though it increased in intensity. "A bar? What happened? You guys didn't get hurt or trapped, did you? The paparazzi..." she let that trail off, concern in her eyes. The press had cornered her often enough in the early days, and it had been a frightening experience each time.

[Chiba Mamoru]

“Crown Arcade was a great place. There are times when I wish we could all go back to those times. Those days were far less complicated, even while we were fighting for the very survival of the Earth, things felt less complicated.”

Caba? Poolside service ... cabana boys? He sighed softly but didn’t comment again, taking the time while Usagi went to get the drinks to regain his composure. There was no sense in badgering Usagi over that. She would do what she wanted to do and anyway she had every right to do so. He had promised not to stop her from being happy and if cabana boys or even going to visit that Alex in Romania made her happy then he had no right to make her feel guilty.

Mamoru shifted uneasily when her eyes darkened, knowing that he had made her angry again. However, he continued on with his story. It was better to be honest right?

He sighed and ran a frustrated hand though his hair before saying, “Like I said, I was devastated and the whole point of going there was to drown away my sorrows and to forget my pain for the night. You can understand that can’t you?.”

Mamoru again shifted uncomfortably, ashamed of the entire night, especially what came next. “I can’t honestly remember how many beers I had that night. Anyway, we were waiting for the band to start when these two college girls came over. There was one that was .... a little friendly and I asked her to leave me alone, but she refused.”

He looked up at her, misery evident in his gaze as he silently pleaded with her to believe him. “I wouldn’t ever hurt you like that Usa. I promise I wouldn’t, even drunk like that. I wouldn’t ever do anything that would hurt you. Not like that ...”

[Neo Queen Serenity]

"Me too," Usagi agreed with a vehemence that surprised even her. "Things were difficult, they were never easy back then, and I'm grateful for the 'peace' that we have now, but... They were just a bit more straightforward. Evil was evil and good was good."

Slowly, Usagi picked up her cup again as she listened to him. "I can understand," she muttered into the lid before taking a long sip. After all, she had been doing just that the other night, and her hangover had lasted for all of New Year's day. She could hardly blame him in the emotional drinking department.

Her eyes met his as he begged her to believe him. Usagi, for her part, was having a hard time believing what she was hearing, not just Mamoru's take on the story. She again lowered her cup, and it traveled a very long journey back to the table.

"Mamoru... How could you hurt me in that way if we had broken up?" Still, the idea of a prissy college tramp in a micro-mini and ample cleavage crawling all over Mamoru annoyed her greatly. "Just tell me what happened, already." She didn't want his pleading or his excuses, she just wanted to know, especially since he seemed incredibly reluctant to tell her. At first he had even started to lie about it before correcting himself. There had to be more to this story than some slut pawing at him.

[Chiba Mamoru]

Mamoru nodded in agreement, only a little surprised at the vehemence he heard in Usagi’s voice. “It was easier to know what the right course of action was, most of the time anyway.”

He nodded briefly, happy that she could at least understand why he had been at that bar trying to drink away the loneliness. That still left the rest of what had happened that night for her to understand and forgive, but that probably wasn’t going to be nearly as easy for her to do. He took a sip of his coffee, savoring the burn as the liquid slid down his throat before setting his cup back down and continuing on with his confession.

Mamoru’s gaze shifted uneasily away from Usagi’s as he read her hesitancy to believe what he was telling her clearly in her own eyes. The lack of trust bothered him, but it was no more then he deserved. Hadn’t he begun this conversation by trying to lie to her? He had changed his mind and began telling her the truth about the newspaper, but that didn’t take away the fact that he had been going to lie to her about it all and pretend it never happened.

He flinched slightly at her words, it was barely perceivable but it was there. If she really wouldn’t have been hurt if he had gone off to be with Mayu only days after they had broken up then perhaps he had been wrong all along. He had harbored the belief that she couldn’t have stopped loving him so quickly, that he had a chance to restart things. That wasn’t to say that he didn’t believe her when she said she didn’t want to be with him anymore. It was more like he had believed that buried deep under the pain, anger, and confusion that she had felt there might still be at least a little of the love she had once felt. Perhaps he was wrong, or maybe he just didn’t understand love at all and he had a lot farther to go then he had thought. Mamoru’s startled gaze flickered back up to hers when she demanded for him to tell her what happened already. He nodded once before getting on with his explanation.

Mamoru briefly wondered how much he should go into. There were things that she didn’t need to know, that he could probably get away without telling her. However, the whole point of this was to be honest with her.

His coffee long forgotten, Mamoru drummed his fingers nervously on the table as he reluctantly continued. “She kissed me and although I shoved her away promptly telling her I was interested the damage was done. The paparazzi, that I hadn’t even realized was there, flashed their cameras getting pictures that don’t tell the full story. I know you know how that is.”

He hesitated fleetingly to gauge her reactions so far. However, not wishing to keep her waiting any longer, he proceeded on with his story. “Anyway apparently Mayu had a boyfriend that got upset at her shenanigans, though he blamed me of course. The guy came over demanding to know what I was doing with his woman. He didn’t even give me a chance to respond before he decided to hit me.”

Mamoru paused momentarily to rub his jaw in remembrance before shaking his head. Tone tinged with the shame he was feeling he continuing on,. “My judgement was ... flawed that night as I wasn’t thinking clearly because of the drinks. All the anger and frustration that I had been feeling came flooding back to me in that instant, doubled because of the alcohol and I instinctively lashed out at the man.”

He shook his head regretfully before saying, “Motoki tried to get me to stop, said it wouldn’t help. However when he stood up his balance was shot and he ended up tripping and falling into Mayu, dragging her to the floor with her shirt half down to her waist. Of course the paparazzi made the most of the situation, dragging both of them into a scandal I had caused. Luckily the rage I was feeling cooled after witnessing that or I ...”

Mamoru closed his eyes against the remorse for the entire situation. He didn’t know how far he would have taken that fight if his attention hadn’t been drawn to Motoki. He had been plenty angry and he wasn’t entirely certain he would have been able to stop with just knocking the man of his feet. It was like once his temper had been unleashed on Rei, he hadn’t been able to gain control over it, not until he had become aware how uncontrolled that temper really was. He supposed that was what happened when you kept things locked away inside, they tended to build and build until the pressure finally burst.

Sighing softly he continued, “Anyway, the police came and dragged Motoki, Mayu, the guy, and myself off to jail without finding out much of what was going on. Considering the fact that neither Motoki or myself had the kind of money needed to make bail, I called Lucan since he had told me that morning I could. He wasn’t exactly pleased with the situation, but he came and managed to get the officer in charge to drop all charges against everyone and they let us go home.”

Mamoru fell silent for a long moment before saying, “I never meant for any of that to happen. I certainly hadn’t meant to drag Motoki into something like that. He was only being a friend and trying to help. I only wanted to drown away my sorrows, the pain and loneliness that I was feeling, in peace. The media has had a field day with it though ...”

He looked up at her, once again unable to help silently pleading with her to understand and believe him as he murmured, “I’m not a violent man Usa, not like they are saying. That wasn’t the real me that night, that's not who I am ...”

[Neo Queen Serenity]

Usagi continued to just stare him in the eyes, watching and waiting as he continued. Her stomach flipped when he told her that this girl had kissed him-- and then he shover her off? She had a hard time believing that a drunk, spurned man would just shove off temptation like that... But Usagi also knew that the paparazzi loved to take advantage of moments like that. Either way it didn't matter, unless he was lying to her. It was possible that he was telling most of the truth, or at least contorting it to get himself in the best outlook possible. She wasn't sure what she believed when it came to this.

Giving one nod, she remained silent so that he could continue. However, at the revelation of this Mayu's boyfriend hitting Mamoru, Usagi's eyes widened and she was no longer able to keep quiet. "Oh my God!! Are you okay? Were you okay?!"

It was only a quick bite on her tongue that kept her from yelping aloud when he revealed that they had all been arrested. "Oh, my God..." Usagi groaned, raising her hands to massage her temples. Of course the media was having a field day with it! And she was worried about their reactions to her stunt earlier! This was ten times worse... The Palace probably had to put out some kind of statement... She couldn't believe that Mamoru, responsible, dependable Mamoru, had been arrested! Not to mention, she was once again the last to know... She'd have to have a talk with Hikari about keeping this from her. The staff probably was just trying to protect her, but she needed to know. As for Lucan-- Usagi felt a brief surge of indignation that he hadn't informed her of his own hand in the events, but then realized that she was wasting her time. He probably didn't tell her for the same reason he didn't tell Mamoru what she was up to.

"Well, thank you for telling me," Usagi said finally. She couldn't smile at him, she certainly wasn't happy about things, but she could accept it, and she wasn't angry or indignant.

But his pleading with her that it wasn't him that night was downright irritating. "Mamoru-- I don't think you're a violent person." At least, not yet. "But can you tell me that it wasn't you the night that I ended the engagement, too? It's not like someone hijacked your body and mind during those events. You were you. Behavior is a function of choice," she said, quoting something she had picked up. "I hope you don't get mad at me for saying this, but... I think... or I'm beginning to think... that you have some serious anger management issues." She kept her tone light and nonjudgmental, but inwardly Usagi was worried. Part of the reason she broke off the engagement was the level and the intensity of rage that Mamoru showed her, and it was a decision that was being validated over and over again, the most recent time being right after she heard this story. The real Mamoru apparently had quite a temper, and it unnerved her.

[Chiba Mamoru]

Mamoru smiled just a little at her concern and nodded. “I’m ok Usa. It was only a bruised jaw, nothing to be concerned about. Don’t worry about it.”

He shifted uncomfortably as she groaned and started to massage her temples. This night had certainly taken a turn different from what he had planned. Why had he even mentioned the newspapers to begin with? That had been a bad idea, though keeping it from her would have also been a bad idea. He sighed softly and just nodded when she thanked him for telling her. At least she didn’t seem to be angry and indignant. That was a plus wasn’t it? She certainly wasn’t happy about it though.

Mamoru started to relax when she said that she knew he wasn’t a violent person, but then she went on. He sighed softly, no he couldn’t tell her that it wasn’t him that night. That had definitely been him that night, but then he wasn’t usually that angry. He hadn’t ever been before anyway, Rei had just upset him and then he had gone into that room already angry. Things simply escalated from there. He continued listening quietly. Anger management issues? He hadn’t ever thought so, but lately he had been finding it hard not to be angry. He had certainly been taking out his anger on Usagi’s staff while he had still been in the palace. In fact, hadn’t he just been thinking that once his anger had been unleashed he had been having trouble regaining control over it. Was it possible?

Finally after a moment he responded slowly, “No, no that was me that night, but Usa I was only ...” He gave her a weak smile as he added humorlessly, “angry. I’m not going to get mad at you for saying that Usa, you might be right. I’ve been noticing lately that it’s been harder and harder not to get angry at something.”

Mamoru hesitated briefly before continuing, “I guess years and years of not dealing with my feelings, bottling them up so to speak might have caused me to have a bigger problem then I thought.”

[Neo Queen Serenity]

"'Only' angry?" Usagi repeated back at him, her face drawn with the seriousness of her thoughts. "I told you the night of the ball... You were angry enough to scare me. I won't lie to you, since that night, you've only solidified my opinion with your behavior."

Heaving a sigh, she slumped down in her seat, hoping that her quiet tone of voice wouldn't carry. Who knew how much of this conversation could end up in the press; they definitely had an audience here, even if said audience was watching from afar.

She nodded slowly, agreeing with him when he told her that years of bottling up his feelings caused issues with being volatile. "I think that's right. Mamoru-- you need to find a safe way to express your feelings so it doesn't come out like that... not just with me but with other people. And you'll need more than self-help books for that." She didn't want to suggest that he see someone, she was sure he'd take that offensively.

"I'm sorry if I'm beating a dead horse, but I take this very, very seriously." She knew for sure that she would never be with him if he didn't find a way to work out his anger issues. Maybe they both needed to work on communication, but she wouldn't be with a man who talked to her the way he did that night.

Usagi recalled the discussion of enablers and the cycle of anger in psychology-- there was a building of tension, a breakdown in communication, and then an outburst. Then there was the honeymoon period-- the instigator would apologize for it, promise it would never happen again, blame it on someone else or the circumstances, or say it wasn't as bad as the other person imagined... And just a moment ago he had been saying that he had 'only' been angry.

Then there would be a period of calm, and then tension would be building again. She had been told that sometimes it took months to a year for the cycle to complete itself. She had never observed Mamoru go through things like this before, or maybe she just didn't know what to look for. Or maybe it was only becoming a problem for him now. Maybe he was just going through a hard time and once he dealt with it, it would never happen again, it would just be a few one-time mistakes. But she had to be sure, didn't she?

"Has this ever happened to you in the past?"