1/2PM An Improving Book (Usa/Mamoru)

[Neo Queen Serenity]

Once the check had been settled and Usagi had her things, she braved the crowds with Mamoru. It was absolute chaos outside. The entire street had been sectioned off, and people were screaming at her. The paparazzi were whipped into a fine frenzy at the sight of Mamoru and Usagi together, in public! Every movement she made set them off yelling and jostling each other, but luckily they were held at bay by the barricades that had been set up, and security.

Her own detail had closed ranks around them as they walked, and they were closely hustled to the waiting vehicle. Usagi cringed at all the noise, it made her so nervous to be under this much raucous scrutiny.

"Hey, tilt your head up, look at me, Serenity!"

"What are you two doing together?"

"Both of you-- look at me, look at me! Over here!"

"Hey, Usa, if you look at me maybe I can feed my kids!" Usagi's head snapped up in the direction of the paparazzi photographer, who just laughed and started snapping photos when she stopped. They always did this, always said those things, and she fell for it every time. "That's good, darling, just keep on smiling-- there we go," the paparazzo gloated as he kept snapping away as she flashed a fake smile his way, even as her stomach lurched.

Agent Phillips, who was right behind her, gently put a hand on her shoulder. "Usagi, you shouldn't be out in the open. Keep moving, don't let him exploit you," he said quietly. It was only because of his close proximity that she could even make out the words over the din. She nodded, averting her gaze and allowing herself to be hustled into the armored vehicle, sighing with relief once the door was closed and they were on their way. The streets they traveled on had been cleared of traffic, and she could vaguely hear the sirens of the police escort that had been dispatched.

She wasn't much conversation in the car, her head glued to the window as she watched her old neighborhood go by. Usagi couldn't help but exclaim as she saw new and different things, pointing it out to Mamoru and the agent in the car, whether they wanted to hear it or not. Eventually they arrived at the bookstore, which had also been cleared, and there wasn't as much of a crowd there. Usagi was quickly escorted inside, and glanced around the well-lit store. She wasn't familiar with the layout, even though she had been here in the past. She could ask for directions to the self-help section, but where was the fun in that? "Let's explore," she said happily. She hadn't been inside a bookstore in months!

[Chiba Mamoru]

After settling the check, Mamoru followed Usagi outside instinctively bracing himself for the chaos outside. He remembered the advice Lucan had given him on his way out of the jail and he intended to follow them tonight as well.

Stick close, don’t react, keep walking, don’t touch them, don’t answer them, and don’t lose his cool.

Of course just like that night, this was a lot harder to put into practice then it was to think about. For the most part he could ignore them. The questions were pretty much what he had expected. It was easy to ignore them when they were simply asking questions about what they were doing together.

However, he stiffened angrily when he heard one of the photographers mentioning being able to feed their kids. This was designed specifically to bother Usagi and because of her kind heart she was unable to ignore the man.

Mamoru couldn’t help glaring at the photographer, but he forced himself not to react in any other way. He even kept himself from attempting to shelter Usagi or comfort her in anyway, knowing that this would only cause more trouble in the end. He simply swallowed his anger down and followed her into the armored vehicle.

Still once they were safely in the car he couldn’t resist asking, “Are you ok Usa?”

He continued to watch her carefully as she chattered on and pointed out the different sights of the old neighborhood, responding whenever there was a need to do so. By the time they had reached the bookstore he was able relax once more simply because there wasn’t much of a crowd.

Mamoru glanced around the bookstore, realizing that he hadn’t been in here for awhile. He wasn’t certain where the section was that they wanted and was about to suggest they ask for directions. However, before he had even opened his mouth she happily suggested exploring. That certainly wasn’t the most efficient way of going about things, but if it made her happy then he was more then happy to do as she suggested. Besides, it would allow him more time to spend in her company ... that was a good thing.

“Exploring sounds fun ... which way first?”

[Neo Queen Serenity]

Inside the car, Usagi glanced at Mamoru curiously. "I'm fine." The photographer was long forgotten by now. It had happened to her so many times that she didn't think much about it once the event was over.

Usagi beamed back at Mamoru as he agreed to explore, but blinked when he asked what way. "Hmmm..."

She put a hand over her eyes and slowly spun around, randomly stopping and pointing. "That way!" Usagi giggled, snatching up Mamoru's hand and heading in the direction that she had pointed. Other patrons of the bookstore were staring at them, but kept their distance, at least for a moment. Usagi noticed that they made their way through the true crime and then the mystery section. Those weren't her type of books, so she ignored them. Though really she was a manga kind of person, any store was a good place to be right now. She never thought she'd get so giddy over books!

Once through the mystery section, she found that she was in romance and slowed way down. Customers in the aisle, all women of various ages, blushed profusely when they were caught browsing the steamy novels by the Queen of New Earth! Most of them made a quick exit, which was fine for Usagi, as she looked over the shelves.

"OK, this is the section that's even more amusing than the Self-Improvement aisle. At least the Self-Improvement aisle is dignified-- romance novels? Totally not." She giggled, glancing over all of the shiny, glossy covers of men with long hair, impossibly fine six-packs, holding thin women with even longer hair that all seemed to be in various stages of undress. Some of the positions looked downright awkward, too. "Harlequin romance novel covers are the worst! Oh my God, look at that!" Usagi snatched up a book. "We really have gone international here, it's an English romance novel about a Canadian mountie!" She stared at the picture. "I have to admit, it's a nice looking uniform..." She shelved the book.

"You're probably dying in here, aren't you? I'll hurry up..." she walked forward, glancing at the novels, and then suddenly stopped, pointing. "LOOK!" Usagi exclaimed loudly. Even her security detail, who were all suddenly very, very interested in scrutinizing everything but the books themselves ever since she wandered into this aisle (even the two females seemed slightly uncomfortable to be there), whipped around to look. They blanched at the cover, and looked away, but Usagi was still staring.

"Call me crazy, but that guy looks just like Nephrite!"

[Chiba Mamoru]

Mamoru studied Usagi quietly for a moment, concern evident in his gaze. However, she did seem to be fine and so he shrugged and nodded murmuring, “I’m glad then.” Apparently he hadn’t needed to worry terribly much as she seemed to have moved passed the incident. These kinds of things must have happened so often to her that they didn’t phase her nearly as much as they once might have. He wasn’t certain how he felt about that, but there really wasn’t anything to be done about it.

He couldn’t returning her smile with one of his own. Usagi’s smile always could light the dimmest recesses of his heart and this time around he was going to make certain she knew it in any way he could. However, his smile turned into a smirk of amusement as she put her hand over her eyes and spun around to figure out which direction the most adoringly childish way. She also never failed to amuse him. It was definitely a pleasure to see her so giddy over something as normal as a shopping trip when he knew she had been stressed over all of her queenly duties for awhile now. He really should have suggested something like this long before a breakup shook him to the core. Why couldn’t he have figured out all of this on his own long before he had to learn the lessons in the hardest way possible?

Ignoring the other patrons as they stared at them, Mamoru glanced with mild interest at the true crime and then the mystery books as they passed them. He really hadn’t bothered to explore any bookstore except to head to the sections he knew best. It was an altogether new experience to just browse through the bookstore for the fun of exploring the place. At any rate, mystery books didn’t really hold much interest for him other then being something new to look at so he didn’t linger over much.

Of course the next section that Usagi led him to held even less of an interest for him. In fact for a man that had been reluctant about public displays of affection, the romance aisle was the very last place that Mamoru wanted to find himself. He gave a silent groan as Usagi slowed down, clearly interested in these books. Flushing just a little, he gave the women scurrying away a cursory glance in an effort to make certain none of them were any of his colleagues. He would never ever live down the humiliation of being caught browsing the romance aisle by any of his co-workers, or for that matter Motoki and the Shitennou. That was an experience that he didn’t particular relish, of course he was uneasily aware that any one of those women leaving in such a hurry could and probably would gossip to other people. Still he was here for Usagi and she was evidently enjoying the books and so he made the effort to grin and bear it.

Mamoru glanced over at the security detail who were doing their best to look everywhere but at the books, including the females. Flashing them a smile that conveyed both sympathy and mutual understanding, Mamoru muttered a faint, but amused, “Cowards ...”

He then actually picked up one of the books to look at it before flushing once more at the picture of the barely clothed woman. Mamoru quickly shoved the book back at the shelf, dearly wishing he could be anywhere but standing there. Unable to disguise the faint hint of distaste in his voice he asked, “Usa, you actually read these things ... do they actually have stories worth reading?”

Mamoru gave her a wry smile when she mentioned that he was probably dying in here. “Dying is not exactly the word I’d use, but I wouldn’t want to rush your fun Usa. Don’t worry about it, enjoy your day. I’ll live.” He followed along behind her, instinctively keeping a furtive look out for anyone he knew ... he did after all still have his pride and reputation to worry about. When Usagi exclaimed loudly he was unable to resist looking at what had caught her attention. However, unlike the security detail he didn’t immediately look away.

Once again he reached forward and picked up the book, bringing it closer to better view the picture. After a moment, he nodded and muttered, “You aren’t crazy Usa, that guy does look like Nephrite ... more then that, I think it is Nephrite.”

[Neo Queen Serenity]

Usagi was too busy scruntinizing the books to hear Mamoru's remark, nor see his sympathetic glances to her security team. But they were not unaware. Agent Phillips just smirked at Mamoru, taking a step closer. "I heard that Chiba. You're darn right I'm a coward. This job is hard enough on family life as it is, I'm not going home to my wife at midnight only to have her ask 'how was your day?' and I have to reply, 'well gee honey, I spent the evening I picking out romance novels with the Queen.' I may be an ex-Green Beret, but I'm still whipped."

"The sad thing is that he's just as whipped with Lucan as he is his wife," muttered Agent Moss under his breath, who had been eavesdropping.

"There's a reason he left me in charge," Phillips just smiled.

"Naw, I heard you two served together," Agent Kubo whispered back. "Afghanistan. Battle of Tora Bora."

"Now, now, boys, settle down," Usagi said absentmindedly, just barely tuning in as she studied a pirate romance, complete with a woman being held from behind by a man who's shirt was gaping open, and he was tugging at her corset. Her hair was flying in his face, and her leg was wrapped around the main mast. Usagi turned the book sideways to study the picture further. "Is that even anatomically possible?" she asked Mamoru, giggling at his question.

"There's a reason they're called bodice rippers, y'know. This is basically porn for women. I've read a few of them, but I prefer manga. It really depends on the author," Usagi explained. "If I'm going for a romance-y type book I probably stick with the chick lit instead of straight up smut. Some of them can be entertaining-- you just have to realize that they're fantasy-- they have to be, all of them are written by women for women. If you take them seriously, you'll get some bad ideas in your head, such as 'jealousy cures all relationship problems' or 'running away is a great way to make us realize our love for each other, especially if I'm a: pregnant, b: dishonored, or c: in mortal peril.'"

Usagi reached out, plucking another volume from the shelf at random. "'Ravished By a Rake,'" she read the title, looking over the regency-era book, featuring a blonde woman snatched up into the arms of a man in a waistcoast, with white breeches that were far too tight. "'She was society's most celebrated debutante. He was its most reviled rogue. Together their passion would shock the ton.' Hmm. Interesting description." Usagi flipped open the book, choosing a page and cleared her throat, holding it out in front of her. "Neo Queen Serenity presents a dramatic reading!" she announced, soliciting barely disguised groans from her security team.

"'...Lady Evelyn Grey's vivid green orbs flashed and she tossed her head in scorn at the villain's comments. He dared to insult her! The daughter of the Viscount of Westchester! Her full bosom heaved with indignation. What would the gossipers say, when she was caught alone in a room with that devilish rake, the Duke of Kenshire! He was a liar and a cheat, scorned by society. Despite his hefty income of 15,000 pounds a year, he could hardly be trusted, after the deflowering of poor Mary Fields. No lady who wanted to keep her honor would dare be caught alone with him!

"'And yet, his obsidian eyes flashed back at her, and she felt slightly weak. It was obvious why women continued to fall into his bed. He lifted his cleft chin and pushed back his brawny shoulders, the sinew rippling beneath his finely starched linen shirt, his buttery breeches smooth and supple over his muscular thighs. Her breath quickened, ample décolletage straining against the thin muslin of her gown. Evelyn's lips, the color of rubies in the sunlight, parted, and her sooty lashes fluttered.

"'Maximilian Rhys, the Duke of Kenshire, stood at his full height as he regard that infuriating vixen, the daughter of the Earl of Westchester! The woman had a beguiling exterior that belied her inner spunk. And yet, her defiant attitude only awoke a part of them that had been dormant for far too long. Her viridian eyes were glistening and her lips were parted, head tilted back to expose the perfect creamy expanse of her beautiful throat. Despite their insulting conversation, he felt a fire in his loins for her that he had never felt before, a desire so consuming that it would drive him to the brink of destruction. She was society's most prized jewel, but he, the hated Duke of Kenshire, the rogue of the ton, would possess her!'" Usagi broke off at that point, beaming. "Oh, boy, only 19 pages in and he's already got 'fire in his loins' for her!"

Usagi managed to lower her pointing finger at Mamoru's admission. "Really?" she asked in disbelief. "He actually models for romance novel covers? I want that job! He's like the Fabio of the 21st century? Wow!" She picked up the book. "Maybe I should get this for Mako-chan. Actually, I think this book deserves a dramatic reading." However, she tucked it under her arm.

"You know, I never thought that I'd see a Shitennou in the Aisle O' Smut. I wonder if that's what he really looks like with his shirt off.... Actually, I think YOU should buy the book, Mamoru! It'd be fantastic blackmail material," she hinted mischieviously.

[Chiba Mamoru]

Mamoru grinned back at Agent Phillips, glad for the momentary distraction of his location. “I can see how that might upset a wife.” He glanced in Usagi’s direction, a hint of wistfulness showing briefly in his gaze as he added softly, “Being whipped isn’t such a bad thing really. I’d certainly rather be a whipped husband, then a friend with only a slim chance of redeeming himself.”

He shook his head to ward off the momentary sadness before grinning once more as he heard how Phillips answered Moss’s taunt. “He’s got you there, besides I’m thinking most people do what Lucan commands. He’s a hard man to just ignore.” Mamoru glanced at Agent Kubo before glancing back at Phillips and asking, “Did you really?”

Mamoru returned his attention completely back to Usagi when she spoke up. He gently took the book from her so that he could study the picture for a moment before handing it back and saying, “Not to my knowledge ....” He smirked a little not able to resist adding, “Though it might be fun to try.”

He nodded at her explanation and said, “I guess entertainment value is a good reason to read any book, even ones like these.” Mamoru had no real idea as to why he was carrying on a conversation about romance books when all he really wanted to do was flee the area. The only thing he could think of was that it was a way to lengthen their night out, even at the risk of being mortified if someone he knew saw him here.

However the ordeal suddenly got ten times worse when Usagi decided to not only read him the title and summary of one of the books, she decided to read an entire passage. He couldn’t help copying the security team by groaning faintly. Was she doing this on purpose? Torture ... that’s what this was. She was trying to torture him in the most unimaginable ways, payback for all the taunts he had ever given her.

Mamoru stood there stiffly as she read, flushing a little as he continued to keep a furtive look out for anyone he knew. As he glanced around he noticed the other patrons watching interested from other aisles and suppressed another groan. Of course the queen reading a book was bound to draw attention, especially since she had announced that she was going to do it. When she finally stopped reading in order to comment about the ‘fire in his loins’ part, Mamoru muttered, “Heh ... that’s nice Usa . I understand why a woman might be interested in the book. I really do, but let’s read anymore of it ok ... please?”

He shot a glance over at a few of the romance covers, noting once again the scantily clad women before turning to glare momentarily at his companion. Mamoru couldn’t help snapping, “Absolutely not!” The idea of Usagi on the cover of one of these books wearing some of the outfits he saw on the woman was a terrible one, even if these books were generally only read by women.

Realizing that glaring and snapping at Usagi once more might not go over very well with her Mamoru gave her his best apologetic look before laughing nervously and saying, “I mean ... you wouldn’t really want to do that would you Usa? I’m sure it’s not all it’s cracked up to be ...”

Mamoru stared at her incredulously when she suggested that he buy the book. Did she really think that he was going to carry this book all the way over to the register and actually buy it? Even if it would make fantastic blackmail material, he wouldn’t ever be brave enough to do such a thing. How the heck would he explain that if someone he knew actually caught him buying a romance book? That would be ten times worse then just standing here in the aisle. “Usa, do you really think I’m going to walk over there and purchase this book? Fantastic blackmail material aside, I’d never hear the end of it if I were to be caught buying the book. You buy it and then give it to me so that I can blackmail him.”

[Neo Queen Serenity]

Phillips nodded in understanding. "Whipped is definitely better than being alone." He smiled faintly at Mamoru's wistful words, adding: "if I may be so bold, one thing I've learned in 20 years of marriage is that time and speaking her love language goes a long way towards healing wounds." He kept his voice low. Phillips was fairly gregarious, if professional.

However, at Mamoru's question about whether he served with Lucan, Phillips just smiled again, but something passed over his face. He was an open man, far more open than his employer, but war stories were something personal. "It wasn't just Afghanistan," he finally replied thoughtfully. "Tell you what, someday I'll buy you a beer with my boss and we can both tell you, it's as much his story as mine. But yeah, that's how we met, and how he recruited me, so to speak. When I first got this call, I just about turned him down. The world was falling apart at that point, and even with Serenity's accession to the throne, with all of the people who would undoubtably be hunting her, I wasn't about to put myself in the kill zone. I had a wife and kids to think about; joining up in the 'early days' would have been put us all in danger. But-- like you said. He's a hard man to ignore."

Unaware of their conversation, Usagi took back the book from Mamoru once he answered her question, lightly using it to whack him on the shoulder. "Listen to you! You really are just as pervy as the next guy! Is that an invitation?" she laughed.

"What, you don't like my dramatic reading? I thought it was very elucidating. How else are you going to learn about these things if I don't enlighten you? I thought the English accents was a nice touch, don't you think?" she asked slyly. Now that he was a bit more demonstrative about his discomfort, she was taking the opportunity to tease him about it.

Usagi jumped as Mamoru snapped at her, sending him a furtive look. "Geez! I wasn't serious. But if it's good enough for Nephrite, why wouldn't it be good enough for me, eh? I mean, I would get to pose with incredibly hunky men holding me in incredibly romantic positions for prolonged periods of time, in outrageous period dress. It would be like adult Halloween everyday."

"Usagi, I would warn you to be careful. Once word gets out that you're here, we could be seeing undercover reporters showing up with wires. Whatever you say could be showing up in the papers tomorrow. I've already watched three different people filming your little reading on their cellphones."

Sighing, Usagi stuck her tongue out at him, and he just shook his head at her. "Fine, don't come crying to me when it has 500,000 hits on Youtube before you even go to bed tonight."

She rolled her eyes but smiled. Phillips was probably right, but she was still having fun, and the public would probably think so too, or at least so she hoped. The press, on the other hand...

"Don't be such a baby, Mamoru!" she objected when he told her to buy the book for him. "Good grief! It's not like I'm sending you out to the front desk with tampons! If men can buy condoms with a straight face, you should all be able to handle purchasing a romance novel. I bet the cashier wouldn't even notice the title. And if anyone would catch you, you just sweetly say that you were buying it for them because it seemed like their type of book, and then ask them if they want the clerk to giftwrap it before you give it to them."

Rolling her eyes again, she hugged the book to her chest and marched out of the romance novel aisle, passing by Sci-Fi, which she also ignored. "Stop me if you want to see anything," Usagi told Mamoru politely, after all she had dallied long enough in the romance novel section. However, she hoped they didn't pass by the Physics area, she'd probably never get him out of there.

[Chiba Mamoru]

Mamoru nodded at Phillips’s advice, though he didn’t say anything more about it. He was grateful for the advice, but he still wasn’t comfortable enough with sharing his thoughts to carry the conversation much further. Still the advice was sound and so he murmured, “Thanks ... I’ll keep that in mind.”

He recognized the reluctance to talk immediately and felt just a little guilty for prying. Mamoru certainly hadn’t ever been one to pry into other people’s lives before, but he hadn’t been able to help himself. He hadn’t ever served in a war, well at least not a conventional one at any rate. He respected the men and women that did put their lives on the line to keep people safe. Mamoru also had a healthy dose of respect for Lucan and so the subject was an interesting one. “I’d like that ...”

Even though he had only been whacked lightly by the book Mamoru immediately rubbed his shoulder and gave her a mock expression of pain, muttering “Ow Usa ... you’re the one that asked for my opinion.” His smile broadened as he added playfully, “Would you like it to be?”

Mamoru shrugged a little, glancing around once more at their captive audience before doing his best to ignore them. “It’s not that I didn’t like your reading, it’s more that I have a reputation you know. Standing here listening to romance stories in the middle of a public area, though very enlightening, just doesn’t really convey the kind of manly image that my reputation deserves.” He glanced at her in mock annoyance and added, “You are enjoying my misery aren’t you...”

He shook his head in exasperation and muttered, “There’s a big difference between you and Nephrite. I don’t care if Nephrite chooses to place himself in those kind of positions, but I’d rather not have to endure having you do it.” Mamoru glanced gratefully at Phillips as he took over and convinced Usagi that she should drop the subject.

Mamoru grinned and shrugged lightly. “I told you, it’s the image thing Usa. Buying a romance book just wouldn’t convey that manly image that us guys like to give off.”

He eagerly followed Usagi as she left the romance aisle behind. The Sci-Fi aisle held no interest for him, so he didn’t bother even glancing at it as they passed by. He nodded briefly when she told him to stop her if he wanted to see anything, glancing around at the passing shelves to see if anything caught his attention. Westerns and Children books held little interest for him so he barely glanced at those aisles. In an effort to learn more about his lovely companion because he really couldn’t recall if he ever asked her before he murmured, “Other then manga and romance, what other kinds of books are you interested in Usa?”

[Neo Queen Serenity]

Phillips nodded. "I'll ask him sometime, then. I probably could now, but I'd get chewed out for conducting personal business over the frequency." Being connected meant that it was never hard to get ahold of one's boss for any reason, but that could be a double-edged sword-- it meant the boss could always get ahead of him, too.

"I was asking for your expert opinion on whether it was anatomically possible, Dr. Chiba!" Usagi said, matching his look of mock-pain with one of mock-outrage. "Not on whether--" she flushed deeply at his question. "Oh, you naughty boy! Bad, bad, bad! Get your mind out of the gutter!" She accentuated each exclamation of bad with another hit of the book, but it still didn't keep the blush from spreading all over her face and down her neck, even tinting her chest and shoulders. Her playful reaction was a cover for the sudden fact that she felt very warm, and it wasn't just because she was blushing at his suddenly carnal insinuations. Mamoru had always been a perfect gentleman-- sometimes dense. For him to start throwing double-entendres at her-- well, it was flattering. Stimulating, even, but she refused to acknowledge that.

Usagi just snorted. "'Manly' reputation, eh? I think you and many other men confuse 'manly' with 'insecure.' Real men are confident enough to wear pink shirts, eat tofu, and deal with romance novels. Real men also are able to watch 'The Notebook,' just so ya know. In case it comes up in the future. 'Titanic,' too. Though you never had much trouble in the pink shirt department," Usagi remarked with a snicker. "Just because real men will wear pink shirts doesn't mean that you, specifically, should. Salmon is totally not your color."

She found herself sighing right back at him. "What's wrong with me doing it? It would be fun, what's to 'endure'? You wouldn't even be present! Don't tell me you would jealous?"

Westerns were totally boring. Usagi made a face as she walked past some of the sections but glanced up at Mamoru's question. "Actually, it was really after I got older that I started to enjoy books other than that. I'm still not a big reader. But I'll read some fiction, psychology books... memoirs now and then, even politics if the subject is near and dear to my heart. I still have a bunch of social justice and ethics books from my days as an intern. I still think that a bunch of people use books as an excuse to be snobs, but I've also come around to thinking that most of the classics really are worth reading, that they're classics for a reason. Books can put you in different situations where you sort of experience the situations that the characters or the writer is in-- and that helps you understand and empathize with other people. But given the choice between reading a book and actually being with people, I'll choose the latter every time."

She looked away for a moment as something caught her eye. In between the rows of books was a center display full of current events books. Usagi just stared at all the pictures of herself on the front. Titles ranged from Neo Queen Serenity: The Unofficial, Unauthorized Biography to Inheritance: Geopolitics Before and After the Coronation, or Eclipse: Power and Politics in the Age of the Senshi, even Tranquil Tyranny: the Neo Queen, Neo-Fascism and the End of Democracy.

For a moment Usagi swore that she was floating above herself, watching her body stand with Mamoru and look at those books, as if it was someone else in a movie, and not her. She took a deep breath, looking around as if she had never seen these people before. Instinctively, she found herself reaching for Mamoru's hand.

"Is this my life?" she asked quietly. "I mean-- is this really my life-- our lives?" Did the senshi ever feel as she did now? "This has to be happening to someone else, I keep telling myself that..."

[Chiba Mamoru]

Mamoru grinned and nodded. “Thank you. There’s no rush, I certainly wouldn’t want you to get chewed out for it.” He would enjoy listening to whatever stories both men would be willing to

“I gave you my expert opinion Usa.” Regardless of the fact that he was being hit and scolded in the middle of a romance aisle in a very public bookstore with an audience, Mamoru was having fun teasing Usagi in such a way. This was also something he should have done this long ago. Being a gentleman was all well and good, but he was definitely learning that showing how interested you were in someone was a good thing to do as well. Besides, watching the blush spread over her face, neck, and even her chest and shoulders was definitely an intriguing sight. Knowing that he could affect her in such a manner was a satisfying one. Mamoru suddenly snagged her hand gently and confiscated the book she was hitting him with setting it back on the shelf. Still holding her hand trapped within his own he said, “It’s not my fault where my mind is Usa. You are the one that has me standing in an aisle filled with books whose sole purpose is to do exactly that. You can’t blame me.” He released her hand and grinned at her, throughly enjoying himself.

“I’ll have to make a note of that. ‘The Notebook’ and ‘Titanic’, I could probably handle watching those movies and tofu ... might not be so bad, but romance novels Usa. I simply have to draw the line there.” He shook his head and mournfully added, “Is my wardrobe really that bad that everyone chooses to make fun of it?”

Mamoru forced himself to be calm, after all Usagi had been kidding ... at least he thought she had been. Still the thought of her posted on one of those books really bothered him. He could have pulled the ‘it just isn’t very proper for a queen to do something like that’, but he had the feeling that would only upset her. He shifted uncomfortably before saying, “I’ll admit that the idea of you being on the cover of one of those books makes me a little ...” Mamoru paused momentarily before finishing, “well, ok a lot jealous. Please, don’t do it ...”

He listened carefully as Usagi spoke about what she read these days. Mamoru was rather proud to here her reading preferences. She had certainly come a long way from the girl he had met ten years ago. He nodded in agreement to her assessment that books put you in different situations where you could almost experience what the characters or the writer was in. He had never really thought about books helping you understand and empathize with other people, but he could see how they might do that. Mamoru nodded and murmured, “I can see how they might do that do that, though I’ve never really thought about it before.” He glanced over at her with a smile and added, “You’re definitely a people person ...”

That was when she glanced away and seemed to get interested in one of the displays. Mamoru glanced over to see what she was looking at and swore softly. Apparently they couldn’t even go into a book store without running into something like this. Although perhaps they should have expected to see books like this, it hadn’t ever really occurred to him.

When Usagi reached for his hand, he realized that she was really upset about this and quickly stamped down his rising temper. He needed to be clear headed to help her cope, being angry wouldn’t help anyone. He gently squeezed her hand to offer some comfort before saying, “These people don’t really know you Usagi, not the real you. What they write only scraps at the surface of things and even then they are misinterpreting what they see or even exaggerating things for a better story. You can’t think of these books as being who you are, or the life you lead.”

He tugged her gently into a brief embrace to try to offer even more comfort before releasing her again not wishing to make her feel at all uncomfortable. He made certain his hug wasn’t the least bit improper. It was only a brief embrace to offer comfort from one friend to another. “Usa, don’t worry about it so ... like I said, they aren’t the real you. You are a strong woman. You can’t let this upset you. It’ll only make things worse.”

[Neo Queen Serenity]

"It is so your fault! You can control your thoughts!" she lectured right back, but blushed even more as he snagged her hand and held onto it. The man was shameless tonight! First oogling her in the restaurant, now this! That look on his face, too, as he let go of her hand-- he knew what he was doing!

"Yes, it is. I hope you've gotten rid of the green jacket, I waited for years to get an opportunity to make sure it goes the way of the dodo bird," Usagi replied back. Now that they were no longer going out, she was a bit more liberal in her criticism. "You know how to wear a tux-- as long as it's black. Leave the purple behind, it makes you look kinda... gay. I think you'd look less gay holding a romance novel than you do in that lavender tux."

She found herself raising an eyebrow in surprise as he actually admitted to getting jealous. "I can't believe even the thought makes you get like that. How are you going to handle my potentially dating other people, then? I know that's a crazy question to ask especially after our dinner conversation, but... Well I guess I never thought you cared that much." About her being with other people. It just seemed to bring home the fact that he was serious about them getting back together. "Are you going to be seeing anybody else?" she inquired. After all, if she was considering it, he should have the opportunity to as well, even if he wanted to get back together with her.

Usagi just grinned at his remark. "People are what drive me, it's true. It's what motivates me. I have to admit that I never understood knowledge for its own sake, if I was interested in learning something it had to help someone else. Books are like that. I really didn't get into them for a long time because they just didn't seem social. I mean you can sit down and even read a manga with someone, and people are always willing to jabber for hours about the story... of course I didn't even realize there were such things as 'book clubs' at that time. It took me ages to figure out that by reading a book you can experience something with lots of other people-- the people who have read that book, even if you've never met them. It connects you to them. Still, it's not a substitute for being with people... I think I judged books unfairly because you have that stereotype of people who read them all the time have no friends."

Sighing, Usagi allowed herself to be hugged, leaning into him briefly, as much to get her physical bearings as to be comforted. "No, it's not like that. They have a right to write whatever they want to, I believe in the free marketplace of ideas, after all, and... well, it's important work, there are probably things in those books that people should know, but...." It bothered her less than the crazy press articles. Some people were writing crap just to stir things up and make a profit, but others were probably more academic about it. It was like that in the papers, too, she just saw it less, she supposed.

"I just can't reconcile it in my head. It's not that the picture they paint isn't me, it's that I can't believe I'm a person people write books about, I can't be the Queen of the world, it's just not possible..." How could she explain how she felt so separate from all of it, that much of the time it never seemed real anymore? She felt very out of control-- her identity seemed threated.

"Nevermind," Usagi sighed, frustrated by her own inability to explain, besides this wasn't something she really wanted to discuss, especially in a bookstore. "Let's keep going." Trying to put it in the back of her had, especially that unnerving moment when she seemed to snap out of herself, she blazed ahead into the next aisle, perking up. "Women's Studies! Well we made it into non-fiction!"

[Chiba Mamoru]

Mamoru shrugged and continued silkily, “maybe I don’t want to control my thoughts though, perhaps I decided it was high time that I let you know how I really feel about you. Long past time actually.”

He frowned a little and couldn’t help saying, “I like that jacket Usa. I don’t want it to go the way of the dodo bird. It’s comfortable and I can’t always wear a tux. As for the purple tux, can’t we compromise a little ... I get rid of it and keep my jacket?”

Mamoru stiffened a tad, beginning to get a little uncomfortable with how the conversation was going. Did she really need to ask how he’d handle her dating other people? “I ... well to be honest, I’m probably going to get jealous watching you going out with another man. I couldn’t help feeling jealous watching you dancing with that blond gentleman from the other night at the ball, but Usa I promised to not stand in the way of your happiness and I won’t. Don’t worry about me, I’m a grown man. It’s not like I’m going to go start a fight with whomever you choose to date.” He gave her a hesitant smile as he added, “I’d just try harder to win your affections back.”

His smile slipped when she said that she never thought he had cared that much. Mamoru couldn’t really understand that. “I cared ...” He might not have been very demonstrative, but he had always told her he loved her. Hadn’t that counted for anything? He knew he had kept things from her, knew that he hadn’t shared all that he should. He knew that she felt as if she didn’t know him, but he had shared things with her. Small things it was true, but he had shared some of his thoughts and feelings with her. It wasn’t enough, he knew that now, but hadn’t she seen that he was at least a little more open with her? She had to know him a little bit better then that, didn’t she? He had felt more comfortable with her then he had felt with anyone else, even Motoki and he had known him for a lot longer then he had known Usagi. Why couldn’t she see this?

Then she continued on with her next question, and for a moment he just stood there confusion reigning supreme in his thoughts. Would he be seeing anyone else? Why would he do that? He didn’t want anyone other then her. To him there was no one else. True, if she was going to be considering dating other men then he had every right to date other women ... but did he want to? He shrugged, still feeling a little confused as he murmured, “I ... I don’t know what I’ll do ...” Mamoru shifted uncomfortably and added, “There isn’t anyone out there that could hold a candle to you Usagi, it’s not some other girl that I want. Would it be fair to them if I couldn’t put my heart into it?”

Mamoru nodded and murmured, “I guess I’m one of those book people. I’ve always loved to read something and gain a new knowledge of whatever I was reading about.” He gave her a quirky smile as he added, “Just think of all the stories you missed growing up Usa ... I’m glad you’ve decided to give books a chance.”

He nodded as he listened to her. “I think I understand what you mean. It just startled you ...” Mamoru hesitated as he listened to the rest of what she was saying. As far as he could see it went back to what they had been talking about earlier in the restaurant. She didn’t believe that she was someone that people wanted to write about, didn’t feel it was possible for her to be Queen of the world because she didn’t have enough faith in herself. However, he was uncertain how to say all of that. If he did she would only deny that’s how she felt or she would insist that she couldn’t be important had no talents and that she wasn’t smart. If only she could see the woman that everyone else saw, or at least every normal person. She was a vibrant and intelligent young woman that people did believe in. She had to gain some more confidence in herself.

Not knowing what to say and knowing that this wasn’t the kind of discussion to be hand standing in front of their audience, Mamoru just nodded when she wanted to let the conversation go. However, as he followed her he still worried about her. There had to be something he could do to make her feel better, he just wasn’t certain what it was.

“Women’s Studies ... while I like non-fiction books, I’m not sure I’ve ever entered this aisle either. Women’s Studies sounds kind of like something a manly man should avoid just like romance books ...” He gave her a teasing smile, glad to see that she was perking up a bit.

[Neo Queen Serenity]

"Is that how you really feel about me?" Usagi asked. "I know that for most of our relationship I wasn't exactly legal, but..." Well, he had been so reluctant to be demonstrative with her. She had almost turned getting kisses out of him into a game. This was just interesting... and flattering.

"I assure you, there are plenty of other jackets that would be both stylish and comfortable. You can't wear a tux all the time, but you can take the same sense of style... Flattering colors, crisp tailoring, quality fabrics... Not that... thing." Usagi repressed a shudder at the thought of it. "Like what you're wearing now. It's very nice." However, she rolled her eyes at what he said about the purple tux. "Oh, please. Tuxedos aren't supposed to be any other than BLACK! Or a white dinner jacket, but only in summer and semi-formal situations. They are NOT purple. Let Prince wear purple tuxedos, or Michael Jackson. You don't want to dress like Michael Jackson, do you? And even they wouldn't be caught dead in that green jacket."

Usagi felt another blush creep over her as Mamoru said that he had been jealous at the ball the other night when she was dancing. "Oh, you mean with Alex?" Usagi blurted out, and then mentally smacked herself, averting her gaze, looking down and playing with the hem of her short black dress. Way to go, idiot. You just revealed that you're on a first-name basis with the guy, or at least you told him to call you Usagi... and that you're slightly... okay, more than slightly, infatuated with someone else. "Um, yeah..."

She wasn't sure what to do about this whole conversation. Mamoru had shown signs of jealousy before, when she occassionally flirted with other men. But to have him admit it, well... She just had never felt like much of a catch, it was like she was suddenly desirable, and the fact that he was jealous meant that he felt slightly threatened. He was really going to chase after her, instead of the other way around. Usagi still had trouble getting her head around it sometimes.

Usagi just nodded when he said he wasn't sure what he would do. "Makes sense, but if you're just going out with someone, there's no commitment, is there?" Maybe she asked because she felt guilty for wanting to see anyone other than Mamoru. Even if they had broken up, after tonight she felt as if she'd be betraying him in some way, even if she just wanted to explore. Their relationship had always seemed so inevitable, she was just rebelling against it, or, she told herself, just wanted to make sure. Make sure of what? That she really loved Mamoru? She didn't love him, she didn't know him. It was just that when she was with him tonight, it would be so easy to imagine herself in love again. She had to remember what he had been like the night they broke up-- what he could be like, what was beneath the surface.

Because, what would happen once he won her back? Would she just be wined and dined until she returned to his arms, forever? Would he stop working for her, stop wanting to please her? Would they stop communicating? No, this could not be as easy as she was tempted to make it.

In the Women's Studies aisle, Usagi just sighed at him. "You can't say that being here is unmanly, because this is the women's studies aisle. This is serious academic stuff. This is about the modalities of patriarchy, and all that. If you say it's unmanly for you to be here, I'll have to say that it's your patriarchal, chauvinistic male nature coming out," she teased. "And then I'll force you to buy and read a copy of The Feminine Mystique."

[Chiba Mamoru]

Mamoru nodded. “That and more ...” He glanced at her a moment before saying, “Usagi, I know that I haven’t been very demonstrative throughout our entire relationship but that doesn’t mean that I never found you desirable.” Mamoru hesitated a moment extremely uneasy with this kind of conversation here. “Always Usa, you were always on my mind even when I didn’t show it. There were many nights that I had to content myself with a cold shower, especially on those nights that you and ... well those nights that you stayed over.”

He shifted uncomfortably, not wishing to bring up memories of the little girl that would never exist anymore. Not so much for himself, but because he didn’t want to hurt Usagi with those thoughts. “As you said for most of our relationship you weren’t exactly legal Usa and then ... well I was trying to be a gentleman. I thought you knew that. I just ... I was wrong Usa, but like I said things are going to be different now.”

Mamoru shook his head, a little annoyed and amused at the same time. “Alright, alright, alright, if it’ll make you happy I’ll get rid of the jacket and stick to clothes more like these.” He gave her a look of horror and muttered, “No, I don’t want to dress like Michael Jackson ... I’ll throw out the tux the moment I get home tonight.”

He couldn’t help gritting his teeth just a little when Usagi mentioned the blonde by his first name. However, he forced himself to relax and take a deep breath before replying. “Yeah I guess, I never met the guy.”

Mamoru shrugged uneasily. “I guess not, but ... well we’ll see.” He really just didn’t want to think about it. Talking about going out with other girls while he was standing here on a date with the one person he really wanted to be with just didn’t sit right with him.

He pretended to shudder before saying, “Oh horror of horrors, you would really make me buy and read The Feminine Mystique even if I’d never live it down?" Mamoru grinned at her before adding, "Oh well, if you are going to be like that then I suppose we can go browse the shelves. Perhaps I'll even find something of interest in there ..."

[Neo Queen Serenity]

Usagi shook her head slowly in response. "You don't have to explain. I felt differently then, but now I've learned to appreciate your reserve in that area, at least when I wasn't legal. I wasn't ready no matter how much I thought I was, and even doing things other than that could have... lead to it, been tempting. I don't know. When I was older it might have been appropriate, but I always figured it was because you were either oblivious or just trying too hard to be honorable. I guess more than anything I wish I had more in a say in things, which is my own fault, because I would only drop hints instead of really speaking up about what I wanted. At the time it just didn't seem very romantic to ask your boyfriend/fiancé to give you some physical affection."

Usagi smirked. At least the Michael Jackson remark did the trick, she'd have to save that one for later. Maybe it would be less potent the second time around, but if there were any other fashion disasters, she might have need of it. "You're in public with the Queen of New Earth," she teased him. "If you're going out with me now, you have to look good. No more crazy green jackets or weird sweatsuits."

At Mamoru's dramatic proclamation about The Feminine Mystique, Usagi's eyes widened. "What do you mean, you'd 'never live it down?' Haven't you read it already?" she asked incredulously. Mamoru had been in school for a much longer time than she had, and cared about his education that much more, too, how could he not? "Didn't they have a diversity requirement at your school?! Everyone has to take at least one women's studies course!! Especially the guys! And they have to read these books, tons of guys read that book every year! It's a classic!"

Throwing her hands up, she stalked over to the shelves and browsed until she found it. "Here," Usagi said abruptly, thrusting the book at him. "Hold that." She knelt down again and then pulled out The Second Sex by Simone de Beauvoir and put it on top of the first one. She then piled on A Vindication on the Rights of Women by Mary Wollstonecraft, several books on radical feminist theory, Huguchi Ichiyo books, an anthology of Seito magazine articles, and then even a few fiction titles that were also filed under Women's Studies, such as 'A Doll's House' by Henrik Ibson and A Room of One's Own by Virginia Woolf. Usagi took no pity, even dropping a copy of 'The Vagina Monologues' onto the growing pile.