Date at Tamakyu's 1/2 Evening (Usagi/Mamoru)

[Chiba Mamoru]

Mamoru had taken another bite of his dinner while he had been waiting for her to respond. However after hearing her very first words, the food that had tasted wonderful a moment before suddenly tasted like sawdust in his mouth. A flash of dismay crossed his face as he turned his full attention to her.

Honestly, he didn’t want to envision any other life without her in it nor did he like hearing that she had been trying. He clearly remembered his life before he had met Usagi and he didn’t want to go back to it. Was that fair though? Was it fair to put that much of a burden on Usagi when she wasn’t certain of what she wanted? She was right, at fourteen she had been little more then a child, though it hadn’t only been him to steal her youth away. She had practically grown up in a relationship with him. She hadn’t had the chance to experiment with other guys like a normal girl would have. The dismay quickly heated into a flash of jealousy at the thought of Usagi in some other man’s arms.

Mamoru might never have ever acted on his desires, but that didn’t mean he hadn’t had them. He had just tried to remain the gentleman, but perhaps he had waited too long. She didn’t seem to realize how much he actually did think about her on a daily basis, but he supposed that was his fault. He hadn’t shown her enough, but he really couldn’t handle the thought of her in another man’s arms. Even if that other man loved her, he couldn’t possibly love her as much as Mamoru did.

She spoke of traps and that the relationship belonged to other people besides the two of them. He couldn’t believe that. Whether they had taken each other for granted or not didn’t stop the fact that they were made for each other. They could make each other happy, they only had to work at it like any other normal couple.

Usagi seemed worried about hurting other people because of her decisions. Well, he wished she wouldn’t worry about it. If she was truly unhappy and she obviously had been then he was glad that she had spoken up. Although it had never really occurred to him, he would hate to think that she was with him only because of what they had in the past or what they had been shown in the future. The thought of losing Chibiusa was hard, but not near as hard as losing Usagi. It was Usagi that he was hurting for now and he aimed to get her back.

He set down his fork and took a moment to center his thoughts, a determined look settling on to his face. Although he had been planning on waiting, Mamoru was determined to get his thoughts across to Usagi before he lost the nerve to do so.

“Usagi, our relationship didn’t and still doesn’t belong to anyone but ourselves. Regardless of whether this person or that person has ideas on what we should or should not do, we are the only ones that can decide what is best for us even if it means throwing away the future that we were shown. Remember, it was never something that was written in stone anyway. It is not up to the senshi, or to your advisors, or even to the people that look to you to lead them to say what would make you happy. If you were truly unhappy then you had every right to walk away, because I would never want you to live a life where you weren’t happy.”

Mamoru paused before continuing, trying to give Usagi a chance to absorb what he was saying and to see how she was going to react.

[Neo Queen Serenity]

This was the second time this night that Mamoru seemed so intently earnest on her own happiness and self-image, or at least now, her image of what they had. Usagi set her fork down as well, taking in what he was saying, and slowly shaking her head in response.

"We alone make those decisions, that's true, and theoretically it belongs to just us. But theory isn't always reality. I can't pretend that other people's opinions don't affect me. It's one thing to say that, it's another to..." she sighed, Hotaru's contorted expression swimming before her eyes, as the younger senshi professed to not understand. "...to watch it hurt people. The future isn't set in stone, but it's firmly fixed in everyone's mind. I'm really killing other people's dreams, and to see it affect them-- well, it hurts me. They can't tell me what will make me happy, that's for sure. I can't even say what will make me happy anymore, just that I feel alright with myself as long as I continue to do the right thing. But I so badly want to make other people happy..."

[Chiba Mamoru]

Mamoru frowned momentarily at her words and almost snapped that it wasn’t just other people’s dreams that she was killing, his own were being affected here just as much. However, that would neither be fair nor true, it wasn’t solely Usagi’s fault that things had crumbled around them like it had. He had a good deal to do with this too, besides that way of thinking would certainly create more harm then good and so he kept the thought safely tucked away.

“I keep telling you that you make other people happy just by being yourself, but you won’t listen to me. They might be disappointed, but Usagi they wouldn’t want you to be unhappy either. Don’t you think you deserve to be happy Usagi?”

He sighed in frustration before saying, “That’s not really what I wanted to talk to you about. Well in a way it is, but not exactly. I wanted ...”

Mamoru hesitated, struggling to find the words he needed. Usagi seemed to determined to believe she no longer loved him and maybe she didn’t. He didn’t want to believe someone could fall out of love that quickly, but he was far from an expert on feelings. She didn’t know him, not truly and he supposed that you couldn’t really love someone that you didn’t know. On the other hand, there were things that he obviously hadn’t known about Usagi and yet he still knew that he loved her. He had to believe that Usagi still loved him, if only she’d allow herself to do so ... or if she didn’t that maybe she would fall back in love with him if she’d allow herself a chance to get to know him.

[Neo Queen Serenity]

Again, Usagi shook her head slowly, her brow furrowed as she thought about Mamoru's words. Happy just by being herself, whatever! She managed to hurt people no matter what she did, even in innocence. Usagi had always felt little useless in one way or another throughout the years, but it was only very recently that she had dared to wonder if people might actually be better off without her.

Putting those thoughts squarely out of her head, Usagi replied: "Of course I think I deserve to be happy, I'm just not so sure that I deserve to be happy at everyone else's expense; and sometimes that's the way it feels. I'm probably being melodramatic, though." Why was he so challenging? It didn't feel fair to complain to Mamoru about feeling trapped by other people when it involved his life so much, but he had asked if she regretted their time together, and she gave him an honest answer. It was hard not to feel resentful when you felt as if other people were banking on the success of your relationship.

"Go on," Usagi urged quietly. "What did you want to talk to me about?" She was ready to hear this; no more beating around the bush. He should just come out with it; what was so important?

[Chiba Mamoru]

Mamoru shook his head and said, “Usagi, that’s not an ok way of thinking. It’s one thing to do something that would be wrong, like cheating to win something that would make you happy while hurting other people. It’s an entirely different matter to put yourself in a situation that would make you unhappy so that others will be happy. Let me ask you something. If the situations were reversed and it was one of your sisters that had just broken up with someone because they were unhappy, but everyone else thought they should stay together because it made them happy ... would you want them to do it? Would you ask them to stay in an unhappy relationship just to make everyone else happy?”

Even though it was very much outside of his normal behavior, Mamoru couldn’t help fidgeting nervously for a few moments trying to find the strength to continue his conversation. This was definitely hard on him, but as Khalid had said things that were worthwhile were rarely easy to get.

Gathering his courage in hand, Mamoru looked up at Usagi and said, “You keep talking about figuring out who you are without me and envision your life without me in it, but Usagi I don’t want to do that. I can’t do that. I remember my life before I met you and I don’t want that again. That might not be fair, it might even be selfish, but that’s how I feel. I’ve made mistakes in this relationship, we both have, but that doesn’t mean that I haven’t always loved you. Maybe I’ve not said it enough or shown it enough, but I’ve always felt it and I’m not willing to just step away and pretend it never happened. You mean too much to me for me to just walk away now.”

He paused for a moment before continuing, “For years I’ve allowed you to take the responsibility of keeping us together, of trying to make our relationship work while I just took everything for granted. I never had to work for anything because well maybe I just thought you’d never leave no matter what. I didn’t have to work at getting you to know me because you never seemed to mind. You were always there for me and yet you never asked much of me and so I never worked at making you happy. It honestly never occurred to me that you weren’t happy and that was wrong of me.”

Mamoru paused once again, continuing to struggle for the words he needed before saying, “You once fought for us Usagi. You didn’t let me throw it all away and I don’t intend to allow you to do the same. I can't, I won't walk away, not unless you can tell me that you really don’t care anymore. That you don’t feel anything at all for me. I understand your confused about things and I’m not asking you to take me back right now. I have a lot of work to do at changing habits and becoming the person you deserve. That’s going to take awhile, I can’t do it all in one night, but I am determined to do it. I’m trying Usagi, surely you can see that. Now I promised I wouldn’t ask you to wait for me and I won’t. I want you to be happy and as hard as it might be I even want you to know for sure that it’s not someone else that would be that person that would make you happy. All I ask is that you give me the chance to show you that I can change ... please don’t throw everything away without giving me that chance.”

If she didn’t agree then Mamoru didn’t know how he would make it. He honestly didn’t think he could survive very well without her there. He needed her, fair or not, he needed her in his life. He was afraid that she would tell him that she couldn’t ever see him again. However, as fearful as he was he kept his gaze steady waiting for her response.

[Neo Queen Serenity]

Usagi stiffened at Mamoru's words. It wasn't so much the ideas he expressed (put differently, she would probably agree), it was the way it was directed towards her. He didn't just say that he disagreed with her opinion, but that it was a 'not ok way of thinking.' That smacked of judgment and condemnation to her, closing her ears to the rest of what he said. "None of the senshi have told me to get back together with you, and even if they did I wouldn't do it just because they said so. I just feel like I'm hurting other people and some disapprove of the way I've handled things, and I feel responsible. Logic has nothing to do with it. It's how I feel." It was like being told to 'calm down.' Usagi absolutely hated those two words-- 'calm down.' They could be so patronizing, so dismissive of the way she felt. Now, she believed that Mamoru had been telling her that her feelings were wrong-- they weren't wrong or right. They just were.

And then he finally told her. Usagi just stared at him, incredulous. Was this what was so urgent, what he had to tell her? Maybe ten years ago she would have swooned at the romance of it all, insisted that true love could never wait, that true love was the most important thing of all! Only the very small side of her that was actually practical was now disbelieving, that all of this work went in to just telling her this.

But the more he spoke, the more her emotions overwhelmed her. Usagi rested her elbows on the table, despite the fact that it broke table etiquette, resting her head in her hands and suppressing a sob, her bare shoulders trembling under the low lighting, as tears ran down her face and splashed on the table, darkening the starched linen cloth.

Everything was so bittersweet, it was all the words that she seemed to need to hear from him, but it was too late. Maybe if she had just realized that she never really knew him, if she realized that real love was something more than destiny and romance, if she had only held him accountable earlier, held herself accountable-- they wouldn't be here, ten years down the line, broken up and having a discussion now that they should have had from the beginning. She had come into this relationship far too early; she just didn't know, didn't understand.

And she was frightened, so frightened. It should have been flattering and exhilarating to hear the man she had loved for so long say that he would never give her up, that he would fight for her. But she had wanted him to say that when it first ended, and he seemed so willing to let her go then. But she couldn't hold that against him-- perhaps he needed time to figure things out. She certainly did.

But everything was so hard, right now. Relationships weren't easy anymore, and she was simply exhausted from everything. It would be so much easier to just given up now, to amicably part their separate ways. She didn't have the time, the energy to figure him out, and Usagi was certain that she didn't have the strength to try to get to know him, love him all over again. The sacrifices, the work of the past ten years... How much meant anything, how much would she have to do over?

Sucking in a shaky breath, she leaned back, swiping away her tears and in a brief moment of frivolity, was thankful that she wore waterproof makeup. "I'm sorry-- I'm not sad or upset-- I'm just overwhelmed, so completely overwhelmed right now, by everything. I feel so much and I can barely make out either end of it."

Closing her eyes, she took a few deep breaths before replying. "I thought I was happy," Usagi whispered, and then realized she had to speak up. "I really thought I was. But that's the funny thing about the truth, when it happens you realize that even if you believed you were happy, somethings just weren't quite right. And I think that's the case between you and me. Like I said, I was young. I didn't quite know what I needed from you, and what I expected. Much of this is my fault."

Usagi let out a long sigh, wondering where to go from here. "But I don't know what to say to you other than that, Mamoru. I just don't know if I can do this. I won't kick you out of my life, or anything, but I don't know if I can give you that chance because I'm not even sure what that means... I can't-- won't-- do that whole friends with benefits thing while we both figure this out. If you want to keep seeing me, being with me, that's fine, I just-- I'm confused on that point.

"You say that you don't want to figure out who we are apart from one another, but I do. Mamoru, shouldn't we know who we are as individuals before we come together as as couple? I don't know you-- and I'm beginning to realize that I don't entirely know myself without you, without other people... And... And did we ever really choose each other? Or did it just happen, because it was supposed to, because we loved each other in another life? Didn't we just sort of fall into it... And that's not good enough anymore, I don't just want the whole romantic euphoria of being in love, the motions, I want... real intimacy. Don't you want someone who will choose you? Don't you want someone who will choose to love you for who you are, as you are? Don't you want a relationship that is based on volitional love instead of things that simply happened to us?

"Mamoru... if you want to change, if that is what you choose to do, more power to you. I will welcome it, I would love to get to know you, that's all I've wanted for a very long time, even if I didn't realize it. But I can't promise you anything-- because... Because even if that happens I don't know how I'm going to feel. And give me the room I need to know if I can stand by myself," she said in a brief moment of clarity. "I need to know if I can go it alone, if I'll have the ability to be who I need to be by myself, and then I'll have the insight I need to be able to tell you what I need from you. And if you really want to do this, then do it for yourself as much as me-- you keep talking about being happy, I think we both need to learn how to make ourselves happy. We have to be able to satisfy ourselves before we can ever hope to make each other happy... I'm not perfect either, Mamoru, and half of the responsibility for this lies with me. I didn't say it the other night because I didn't realize it then, but if we're going to be together then I have work to do, too. And I'm not sure yet if I'm able to do it, but I am..." she closed her eyes briefly, wondering if she had the internal fortitude to really push ahead, but her gut was telling her that it was the right thing to do, and Tsukino Usagi, for whatever shortcomings she had, real and imagined, always would try and do the right thing. "...committed to trying."

[Chiba Mamoru]

“That’s not what I meant Usa. I was only trying to say that sometimes you have to think about how you feel before taking into account how others feel. You have to make sure you are going to be happy too because you are important.” Mamoru sighed softly and shook his head before adding, “Forgive me, I really didn’t mean to upset you. I was only trying to help, but I’m not doing so well. I do understand what you are saying, it was just a poor choice of words I guess. ”

Mamoru watched Usagi carefully as he spoke, trying to gauge her reactions. He was a little taken aback when he noticed the suppressed sob and the trembling. His fists clenched when he saw the tears darkening the linen cloth. He hadn’t meant to hurt her more then he already had. He certainly hadn’t meant to make her cry and for a moment he wondered if maybe he had made a mistake bringing her here and telling her how he felt.

He nodded slowly when she actually spoke up saying that she wasn’t sad or upset, just overwhelmed. Mamoru could understand that. This entire ordeal had been overwhelming him for a few days ago and she hadn’t expected what he had told her today. In fact, she probably had thought that he wouldn’t fight it ... that was certainly what he had been planning on doing before he talked with Khalid.

Mamoru listened to every word that Usagi was saying, keeping his eyes fixed on her so that he wouldn’t miss anything she said. It hurt a little to hear her talking about being happy, though he did understand. She had been young and he hadn’t exactly been the most emotionally stable person around. Perhaps they had just jumped into things far too soon.

He fought hard not to smirk at the friends with benefits part, after all he hadn’t ever even thought of that. Mamoru was an honorable gentleman, apparently too much of one. It had never occurred to him to even ask for that kind of relationship. The idea certainly was an enticing one, but she didn’t need to tell him that she couldn’t do that. He had only been planning on courting her, allowing her a chance to get to know him slowly.

What she said about wanting a relationship based on volitional love and wanting someone to choose to love him for who he was, well that actually did make sense to him. Perhaps she had a point, one he hadn’t even considered before. Had they just fallen into the relationship because of who they had been in the past? If they hadn’t been Sailor Moon and Tuxedo Kamen, Serenity and Endymion ... would they have loved each other? He would certainly like to think so, but perhaps ... perhaps they never had a chance to really know.

Mamoru had to admit that he had just been wondering how he could survive if Usagi turned him down. He had been very unstable for the last few days simply because she had broken up with him. That couldn’t really be ok could it? He needed to be able to define himself as Mamoru, or even Endymion ... not as the man that couldn’t survive without Usagi by his side. It hurt to lose her, yes, but he should be able to continue living without her. Shouldn’t he?

“I think I understand Usa, well at least most of it. I do understand that you are feeling overwhelmed and confused about what you want or what your feeling. Everything that we thought we knew, or thought we felt has been turned upside down. You were young and I wasn’t prepared to know how to deal with a relationship. I guess we never really had a chance, not at having a healthy relationship.”

Mamoru couldn’t help smirking just a little as he added softly, “Usa, although the idea of friends with benefits would have been a very tempting one, I care too much about you to have even thought about something like that. I really only wanted to ...” He paused hesitantly, trying to find the right word to describe what he wanted. Finally he said, “be your friend I guess. I just wanted the chance to allow both of us to get to know the other better, like it should have been done in the first place. I won’t deny that I was intending to court you. I can’t help loving you Usa, that’s just who I am. That’s never going to change, but I was intending to do it slowly. I do want to keep seeing you, being with you. However, if your more comfortable as a friend at this point until you know where you stand, until you know whether you can go it alone, I’m more then willing to do that.”

He grew silent for a moment before adding, “I think you are right when you say that we should find out who we are as individuals. When you put it the way you did, it makes sense to me. I think ... I think that I would like someone to love me for who I am and not just for who they thought I was at one point in time. Maybe ... maybe in reality I don't even really know what love is, perhaps I need to learn what it truly means to be in love with someone. Serenity and Endymion loved each other, but we aren’t really those people anymore are we? I guess we both need to learn a lot of things before we can even begin to think about being in a relationship, but Usa I am willing to learn.”

[Neo Queen Serenity]

Usagi wrinkled her nose a bit, but didn't reply. Thinking about herself before other people? That seemed backward. Though she didn't believe in neglecting her own needs, and would readily admit to herself and just about everyone else that she could be selfish, it didn't make sense to her to put her own happiness before other people's, particularly because making other people happy was so often what it took to have her be happy. It was the rare circumstance when she actually felt like making others happy was a sacrifice, and even so, didn't you make sacrifices for people you loved? Where did one draw the line between oneself and others? Maybe that was part of her problem-- she didn't know.

Usagi's face cleared when he said he wanted to be friends, like the sun peaking through the clouds. "Oh, that would be delightful," she said with obvious relief, and then added hesitantly, "of course, I think courting would be fine, I'm just... Well, I've never really been courted before. I haven't even truly dated." She was completely naive about what that would entail. "As for friends with benefits," she added with a small smile, "I suppose I couldn't ask you to just have friend-feelings for me, you can't even get through a week without changing my name somehow. When we first met it was odango atama, then Usako, now you can't even manage Usagi, you have to call me Usa," she teased.

"We were once Serenity and Endymion, just like I was once 10 years old. They were us, in the past," she shrugged. "People aren't static, they change, things happen to them. I just... I can't even remember that part of my life. How much of who we are is genetic? You're a geneticist, you'd be the person to ask... And how much is how we grew up? I don't know. A part of me believes that if we were able to love each other then, we should be able to do it again... After all, wasn't I talking about a volitional love? But I think we used it in lieu of actually getting to know each other. We just assumed we had a relationship and took off from there, we didn't actually try. The hard part about it is that I don't have any memories of that time, there's nothing for me to go off on. Would Serenity and Endymion have stayed together had the Silver Millenium not fallen? Our forbidden love seems so terribly romantic, but without those memories, I can't even be sure if we weren't making the same mistakes then that we did now."

Afraid the rest of her steak was going to get cold, Usagi picked up her utensils and cut the last few pieces, quickly finishing up before saying thoughtfully: "For so long we've focused on either the past or the future-- either what we thought we had or what we would have. The truth is, we don't really know entirely what we had, or would have. Maybe we need to stop living in the past and future, and focus on who we are right now. The present is all we really do have. The past and the future are ephemeral."

[Chiba Mamoru]

Mamoru felt a lot better when Usagi’s smile brightened at his words. She seemed to have returned to her normal cheer and for that he was grateful. A smile fit Usagi’s face a lot better then anything else did and it had bothered him a lot to know that he was part of the reason she had been sad. He took a sip of his wine before saying, “To be honest I’ve never courted anyone before or dated anyone other then you. That doesn’t mean that we can’t figure it out, figure out what works best for us.”

He flushed a little when she mentioned the fact that he had been calling her Usa instead of Usagi as they had agreed on the other day. “I can’t change how I feel Usa. Usako isn’t appropriate anymore, I know that but it’s hard to remember to call you Usagi when I’ve called you the other for years. However I will call you Usagi if you like ...” He smirked once more and added teasingly, “Unless of course you’d prefer Odango atama again ...”

Mamoru shrugged lightly before saying, “I don’t think even a geneticist knows how much of a person is who they were meant to be or how they grew up, perhaps it’s a little of both. I’d certainly like to believe that because we were in love once we should be able to do it again. However, I guess you’re right. We never took the chance to get to know one another, we just sort of were.”

He sighed softly before adding, “You know, I don’t really remember that time that much. There are bits and pieces I can remember, like the Shitennou or even knowing that we were together. However, I can’t remember what kind of a man I was or as you said what kind of a relationship we actually had.”

Mamoru ate the last few pieces of his dinner not wanting to waste it before adding, “I guess it’s entirely possible that things wouldn’t have worked out between us, but does it really matter now? Like you said, we can’t really know what would have happened in the past or would happen in the future. We can only know how we feel today. I’m willing to take the effort to go slow and learn both who I am and who you are Usa. To be your friend and to get to know you would be an honor, just as long as you do realize that my feelings are what they are. I can’t change them, but I won’t press them on you. If sometime down the line you actually return them I’ll certainly be happy, but if that time never comes ... well then it never comes. I’ll never stop being your friend.”

[Neo Queen Serenity]

"Really?" Usagi said in disbelief. "You must have had a girlfriend before me. With a face like that, and your I'm-So-Cool swagger, girls would've been all over you like flies on honey. You would have at least dated a little, you were older than me..." She wanted to ask if he was a virgin like her, it seemed that guys had lose it by a certain age or face unendng ridicule. But Usagi was too polite to inquire about it-- she wasn't sure how she'd feel based on either answer, and it wasn't something you asked a restaurant, anyway. Though, she realized uncomfortably, she probably should have inquired long before this moment, she had been about to marry the man and knew nothing of his sexual history. Big no-no.

"Usagi is fine," she responded dryly, after all, they had agreed on that, didn't they? "I just thought I'd give you a hard time about it. It's sort of endearing, really." No, she wouldn't want to go back to being called odango atama.

"You make my point for me," Usagi replied. "We don't really know, I speculated in order to draw attention to that. I can't say we should forget the past, though really I don't remember much of it, just... maybe it should become less important. And just as importantly as how we feel, we should concentrate on the choices that we can make now. I do believe, after having life shove this lesson down my throat, that actions often precipitate emotion." She recalled doing things as Sailormoon when her heart wasn't in it, only to have those feelings follow later on. Could relationships be the same way? It wouldn't hurt to try, she had agreed on that-- to get to know him, to try to know herself. "I'll always been your friend too," she agreed, setting down her silverware and drinking the sip of wine in her glass.

"The food was wonderful," she offered once she had finished, resting her hands in her lap.

[Chiba Mamoru]

Mamoru shrugged and started to not answer the question at all. She had no real way of knowing whether he was speaking the truth or not and so he could just let it go. However, he was trying to be honest and so he complied to her wishes once more. “Let’s say nothing serious then...”

He leaned back in his chair and studied Usagi quietly for a minute before asking, “Would it make a difference Usagi? I won’t deny that there was the odd girl that chased after me. I won’t even deny that I was convinced to go out with a few of them. However, that doesn’t mean that I felt anything for them or even actively dated them. Going out with someone is only really a date if both of you consider it a romantic outing, otherwise it’s only going out somewhere with a friend. At least that’s the way I feel about it, you might feel differently I suppose.

Mamoru rose an eyebrow as he continued to watch his companion across the table. “Is there anything in particular you were wanting to know Usagi? I’m willing to answer anything you want, about anything. If not tonight, then anytime. I’m trying hard to be open with you, no more secrets.”

He nodded and murmured, “Usagi it is then ...” Mamoru much preferred Usa, but he certainly didn’t mind Usagi either. It was far better then being forced to call her your majesty, but then he supposed he still had to do that if they were ever talking around other people. That was the deal that had been made and she hadn’t said otherwise.

Mamoru nodded once more before saying, “I understand Usagi. I also tend to agree with you. He didn’t really know what else to say to that and so he fell silent while he finished off his wine. He didn’t want the night to end, after all that meant that Usagi would leave and go back to her palace. They had agreed to be friends and she had agreed to allow him to continue to see her so that she could get to know him better. It was a start, but he couldn’t help feeling like he would miss her. It wasn’t going to be the same, but then even when he had lived in the palace it wasn’t as if they had seen each other every day. There had simply been the potential to do so.

“The food was wonderful,” he agreed. “I’ll have to make a point of coming here more often. They definitely deserve their high class ratings.” He hesitated a moment, casting about for any way of keeping her there a little longer. “Would you care for desert Usagi or have you had enough?”

[Neo Queen Serenity]

It was Usagi's turn to shrug. Though she was a jealous creature by nature, news of Mamoru dating other women before her didn't move her much, not after they had broken up. "It doesn't really matter to me one way or the other. I was just curious, it would seem... not weird, but just unusual that someone as attractive as you wouldn't have gone out a few times. That's all. At least it means you have more experience than I do." Actually, she was jealous, now that she admitted it to herself. She was jealous that he had experience! With other women, of all things! What was wrong with her? She just wanted to know if what she felt, what she did with him was normal-- and found herself with nothing to compare it too. A few weeks ago, had she found out he went out with other girls she might have fallen into a jealous sulk, now she envied him for knowing more than she did! All the same, images of Mamoru with cliques of popular girls with perfect hair and manicured nails, flitting about him and demanding his attention were not at all appealing. The more she pictured it, the more uncomfortable she became. How confusing her emotions were lately!

"I appreciate that. Maybe later; it wouldn't be appropriate to ask here," Usagi replied. Though their conversation had been deep, even intimate-- this was not the setting to quiz him on his sexual history. They also split up-- she had no right, no reason to know, now. Well, perhaps that was not true-- Mamoru said he was determined to win her back, that he would not walk away. In that case, if he truly saw them together again, perhaps it would wise of her to inquire. But not now, at this moment in time.

Usagi raised an eyebrow at him as he affirmed aloud to call her by her name. "Usa is fine, just to let you know, especially since you seem so naturally inclined to change my name. I was just teasing; Usa or Usagi... Please, no odango atama, that's what I meant."

She had to laugh at his question about dessert. "Don't you remember who you're talking to?! I always have room for dessert!" she said gleefully. Especially when someone else was buying! Usagi threw her hand up in the air to wave over the waiter; she wanted to get a look at the dessert menu. "Still want to go to the bookstore afterward?" she asked. He hadn't scared her off from that venture with his Serious Talk.

[Chiba Mamoru]

Mamoru stayed silent a moment more, still watching his companion for any hint of anything. In the past she would have gotten jealous at the mere thought of him being with someone else. It was a little disconcerting to find her so calm about things. Was it really just mere curiosity that had her asking? “I wouldn’t call it more experience Usagi, as I said I didn’t get close to any of them. I might have had dinner with one or two, an interesting conversation, and perhaps a movie or two but that’s as far as it ever went. They were more involved then I was.”

He continued to gaze at her, this time a little more curious. Mamoru had the distinct feeling that he wouldn’t really like whatever questions she was keeping to herself, but that didn’t stop him from wanting to hear what they were. “Well just don’t forget I offered, anytime ... I’ll answer to the best of my ability.”

Mamoru gave her a mock pout and mournfully said, “If I must refrain from calling you odango atama ever again then I will. It’ll be hard mind you, but just for you I’ll stop.”

He cheered up immensely when Usagi said she always had room for desert and reminded him that she had promised to go to the bookstore afterwards. Mamoru had momentarily forgotten the promised bookstore visit. His night didn't have to end so soon after all. He grinned at her and said, “I had forgotten your promise Usa, but now that you’ve reminded me of course I still want to go. Who’s going to show me those self-help books if not you? I might be doomed to never be able to carry a conversation if I didn’t take you up on your offer.”

Mamoru watched the waiter return to their table after Usagi waved him over. Once again he attempted to be as pleasant as he could, offering the man a smile before requesting the desert menus. Once they were brought, Mamoru turned his attention back to Usagi and added, “As for desert, order anything you like ...”

[Neo Queen Serenity]

"That's still more than I have had," Usagi pointed out with a smile. She found it endearing that he kept having to reassure her that it meant nothing to him. Even if she was jealous, it wasn't like she could do anything about it... And she was the one who had ended up with him for a whole decade before calling it quits. And here he was, saying he wasn't going to give her up. She probably couldn't get too jealous even if she wanted to, though for her own sake, she didn't want to entertain those thoughts for more time than was necessary.

"Maybe later tonight," she remarked, not intent on elucidating her thoughts in such a venue. He would just have to be curious and squirm for while-- though she was rather sure that he'd squirm even more when he finally did hear her inquiry into the carnal aspects of his past associations with the females he decried any feelings for.

Usagi playfully rolled her eyes in response, fluttering her lashes and raising a hand to her forehead dramatically. "Oh, dear me, the sacrifice you are making! To be worthy of such unfailing devotion, I hitherto pledge to restrain from utterances of the sobriquet 'Mamoru-baka', though it may thoroughly tax my willpower beyond all remedy."

She smirked at his response. "For someone as well-read as you are, I can't believe you've never ventured into the self-help section before. I'm telling you, you've been missing out. I should probably let security know about our plans, though. After I order, maybe..."

Usagi greeted Masao again, and studied the dessert menu carefully before ordering anmitsu, handing over the menu and glancing at Mamoru.

[Chiba Mamoru]

Having no way to refute that particular fact, Mamoru shrugged once more and murmured, “I suppose you are right.” He had already told her he wouldn’t stand in the way of her happiness. In this case he supposed that meant he wouldn’t stand in the way of her dating other people if she wanted to. Then she’d get the experience she seemed to want, though he didn’t really like the thought of that idea. He shifted uncomfortably in his chair before sighing softly and reluctantly saying, “I guess ... I guess you have that chance now Usa. I told you how I felt and that I didn’t intend to give you up, but I also said that I wouldn’t stand in the way of your happiness.”

Mamoru watched her a moment more before nodding in agreement. It was obvious to him that she wasn’t going to tell him what was on her mind now so he didn’t see any point in continuing to press her. If she wanted to reveal her thoughts then she would in due time, perhaps later tonight as she had said.

He grinned in amusement at her dramatic response to his teasing her. “Then we have a deal, no more Mamoru-baka either ... even if I have deserved the name before.”

Mamoru shrugged before saying, “Self-help books weren’t really the kinds of things that I chose to read Usa. I never really thought of a reason that I might need them, until now of course.” He glanced around the room, attempting to search out her security before giving it up as a lost cause. Glancing back at his companion, he nodded in agreement. “I certainly wouldn’t want them to get the idea that I was kidnaping you or something, not to mention the fact that we’d be mobbed before we took two steps away from the restaurant.”

He looked at the menu a moment before handing it back to Masao and saying, “I’ll have the anmitsu as well please.”