Post by Neo Queen Serenity on Apr 1, 2009 0:31:35 GMT -5
[glow=red]
Welcome to What Not to Wear: Crystal Tokyo edition! I'm your host, Tsukino Usagi, otherwise known as Neo Queen Serenity. You see, as Queen, it is my duty to protect the people from many disasters, and sometimes that includes fashion disasters. Now, I know I'm not perfect myself (I have been informed that my Eternal Sailormoon skirt looks like the Belgian flag), but it still remains my solemn task to still challenge fashion travesties when I see them.
Unfortunately, that means throwing Chiba Mamoru under the bus. Some of you may be thinking 'how would Tsukino Usagi' know anything about men's wear? I'll get to that later. This first episode will feature the dreaded, the infamous... UGLY GREEN JACKET OUTFIT!
Some people refer to this as the fugly green blazer outfit. It is there that I have to quibble. Not with the fugly, it is definitely fugly, but is it a blazer, or a sport coat? There is a subtle difference, you know. Blazers have nautical roots, whereas sport coats have hunting roots. Why does this matter? Today these terms are used interchangeably, but technically a blazer is a suit jacket, and thus comes with a matching pair of trousers. It is designed and cut more formally than a sport coat, which is designed for casual wear. A sport coat will be cut looser, and be styled informally.
What is shown here is definitely a sports coat. It has an informal (and disgusting) color, a loose cut (too loose, but I'll get to that later), and notched lapels.
A notched lapel is used in sport coats and suit blazers, and is rather ubiquitous. It would never, however, be used in a dinner jacket. A shawl lapel could be used for a less formal tuxedo, but for white tie or anything really formal, a peaked lapel would be used. It is traditional, and when used in suits, is meant to convey a more formal approach.
That's where this next picture comes in. Be sure you're sitting down for this. It may come as quite a shock.
That, ladies and gentlemen, is not the notched lapel you saw before. That is a peaked lapel. For years I have kept this secret from the world, knowing that I needed to protect you all while I schemed to find a way to get rid of the hideous apparel that predated my existence in Mamoru's life. However, truth will out, and that solemn hour of reckoning is upon us.
My friends... Mamoru has not one, but two fugly green jackets. They are very similar, but not identical.
I know how shocking this must be. I, too, went through the same storm of emotions that must be taking hold of you now. I had hoped in vain that perhaps the fugly green jacket was a fluke. That Mamoru wore it for nostalgic reasons, or because a well-meaning but color blind person had gifted him with it. Alas, I had to face that fact that Mamoru cannot dress himself. After all, he owns two of these monstrosities!
But, wait, it gets worse. You remember how I said that a peaked lapel was used more on actual suit blazers, and that a technical blazer had trousers that went with it? Yes. There are trousers that go with it!!!
I only saw them worn together once, and as you can see, I fled in terror at the sight. What is not shown is the fetal position I laid in all night while trying to get the horrifying image out of my mind. Since Mamoru and I started dating, I hunted for these ugly trousers, hoping to dispose of them. Alas, they have eluded me, so I hope they are gone for good. If not, then I will be forced to seize them and initiate the proper disposal procedures-- that is, burning them with napalm and a flame-thrower.
Unfortunately, the outfit only gets worse from here on out. You see, neither the notched or peaked lapel versions never really fit Mamoru. Even sport coats, which are less tailored than blazers, still need to have some tapering at the sides.
Look at how boxy and unflattering that is! Gentleman, make sure you get your sport coats tailored to fit your body! Worst of all, you can see how poorly it fits in the shoulders. A shoulder pad should never extend too far out, if a man stands straight next to a wall, the shoulder pad shouldn't get smooshed into said wall. Obviously, that's an issue here! If you don't believe me, take a second look:
Never mind the fact that shoulder pads are a bit outdated in casual wear, anyway! But shoulder pads in an olive green sport coat? I'm sure you shudder with me at the very thought!
And that's not all. You see, both blazers and sport coats have vents in them. There is either a center vent or two side vents. Center vents are popular in just about everything, and side vents are considered a bit more fashion-forward, a bit European. But Mamoru's atrocity? Has no vents. That's practically unheard of! Obviously, this was designed by a Nihilist! There is so much wrong with this jacket beyond just the color alone!
However, there is more to this outfit than just the fugly green jacket. We must consider the black turtleneck, which is not bad in and of itself. But look at the belt he has combined it in, especially in the first picture. Notice anything off? That's right... the turtleneck is black, and the belt is brown! And get this, men are supposed to match their belts to their shoes, so look what shoes he wears?
Brown and white shoes! Not brown and black to match the turtleneck, brown and black! Not that I would ever, every recommend a black turtleneck plus brown belt and brown shoes, but these are brown and white shoes! My God!
The other thing to know about this, is that the jacket has no buttons! Look, do you see buttons on that thing anywhere? It's avant-garde to have one button on a sport coat, but none? There are NO buttons! Seriously, this is most messed up men's wear in history!
The pants are rather boring, but at least seem to fit right-- they break at the right level on the shoes and are cuffed to add weight. Now if only Mamoru could pair a decent shirt with those pants, we might be in business! It's a shame, really. I mean, Mamo-chan is so very handsome, to have it all obscured by the ugliest clothes known to man. That green jacket and turtleneck combo will never show you the hardened, ripped muscles underneath, or the strong arms that can hold me so tenderly...
Phew, is it just me, or is it hot in here? Anyway! I plotted in vain for years to get rid of this outfit. The first item of priority was the two jackets. However, since he wears them everyday, there was no way he wouldn't notice both of them going missing at once. Also, he seemed to have a sixth sense about it-- those jackets would conveniently go to the laundry whenever I'd have a chance to snoop for them! Alas, I made sure that several other questionable articles of clothing went the way of the dodo bird, but to this day I have been consistently vanquished when it comes to the subject of the dreaded green jackets. After the wedding, I had an elaborate plan that included household cleaners, a few willing maids, and a moment of clumsiness that would forever ruin these items of apparel. However, since the engagement is over, that'll never happen! I must officially apologize to all of you. I've had ten years to get to do it, and I have been defeated! You have no idea the guilt I carry over this.
Some of you must still be wondering how I know all of this about men's apparel! You shouldn't be surprised, after all I did tie Lucan's tie the other day. You see, I have one person to thank for this knowledge! I got it all from my Daddy!
Daddy always knew how to dress for success! A magazine editor, he had a conservative workplace, so he went for the classic navy suit, white dress shirt, and burgundy tie. His shoes matched, and the suit is tailored, tapering in at the sides, and fits in the shoulders! His tie has a Windsor knot and matches the rest of his apparel. This picture is from a decade ago, and Daddy could still be in style at any office around the world! That's how it's done.
I hope you enjoyed this first edition of What Not to Wear! And if you see Mamoru, make a citizen's arrest of that green jacket, mmkay?
What Not to Wear: Crystal Tokyo[/glow]
Welcome to What Not to Wear: Crystal Tokyo edition! I'm your host, Tsukino Usagi, otherwise known as Neo Queen Serenity. You see, as Queen, it is my duty to protect the people from many disasters, and sometimes that includes fashion disasters. Now, I know I'm not perfect myself (I have been informed that my Eternal Sailormoon skirt looks like the Belgian flag), but it still remains my solemn task to still challenge fashion travesties when I see them.
Unfortunately, that means throwing Chiba Mamoru under the bus. Some of you may be thinking 'how would Tsukino Usagi' know anything about men's wear? I'll get to that later. This first episode will feature the dreaded, the infamous... UGLY GREEN JACKET OUTFIT!
Some people refer to this as the fugly green blazer outfit. It is there that I have to quibble. Not with the fugly, it is definitely fugly, but is it a blazer, or a sport coat? There is a subtle difference, you know. Blazers have nautical roots, whereas sport coats have hunting roots. Why does this matter? Today these terms are used interchangeably, but technically a blazer is a suit jacket, and thus comes with a matching pair of trousers. It is designed and cut more formally than a sport coat, which is designed for casual wear. A sport coat will be cut looser, and be styled informally.
What is shown here is definitely a sports coat. It has an informal (and disgusting) color, a loose cut (too loose, but I'll get to that later), and notched lapels.
A notched lapel is used in sport coats and suit blazers, and is rather ubiquitous. It would never, however, be used in a dinner jacket. A shawl lapel could be used for a less formal tuxedo, but for white tie or anything really formal, a peaked lapel would be used. It is traditional, and when used in suits, is meant to convey a more formal approach.
That's where this next picture comes in. Be sure you're sitting down for this. It may come as quite a shock.
That, ladies and gentlemen, is not the notched lapel you saw before. That is a peaked lapel. For years I have kept this secret from the world, knowing that I needed to protect you all while I schemed to find a way to get rid of the hideous apparel that predated my existence in Mamoru's life. However, truth will out, and that solemn hour of reckoning is upon us.
My friends... Mamoru has not one, but two fugly green jackets. They are very similar, but not identical.
I know how shocking this must be. I, too, went through the same storm of emotions that must be taking hold of you now. I had hoped in vain that perhaps the fugly green jacket was a fluke. That Mamoru wore it for nostalgic reasons, or because a well-meaning but color blind person had gifted him with it. Alas, I had to face that fact that Mamoru cannot dress himself. After all, he owns two of these monstrosities!
But, wait, it gets worse. You remember how I said that a peaked lapel was used more on actual suit blazers, and that a technical blazer had trousers that went with it? Yes. There are trousers that go with it!!!
I only saw them worn together once, and as you can see, I fled in terror at the sight. What is not shown is the fetal position I laid in all night while trying to get the horrifying image out of my mind. Since Mamoru and I started dating, I hunted for these ugly trousers, hoping to dispose of them. Alas, they have eluded me, so I hope they are gone for good. If not, then I will be forced to seize them and initiate the proper disposal procedures-- that is, burning them with napalm and a flame-thrower.
Unfortunately, the outfit only gets worse from here on out. You see, neither the notched or peaked lapel versions never really fit Mamoru. Even sport coats, which are less tailored than blazers, still need to have some tapering at the sides.
Look at how boxy and unflattering that is! Gentleman, make sure you get your sport coats tailored to fit your body! Worst of all, you can see how poorly it fits in the shoulders. A shoulder pad should never extend too far out, if a man stands straight next to a wall, the shoulder pad shouldn't get smooshed into said wall. Obviously, that's an issue here! If you don't believe me, take a second look:
Never mind the fact that shoulder pads are a bit outdated in casual wear, anyway! But shoulder pads in an olive green sport coat? I'm sure you shudder with me at the very thought!
And that's not all. You see, both blazers and sport coats have vents in them. There is either a center vent or two side vents. Center vents are popular in just about everything, and side vents are considered a bit more fashion-forward, a bit European. But Mamoru's atrocity? Has no vents. That's practically unheard of! Obviously, this was designed by a Nihilist! There is so much wrong with this jacket beyond just the color alone!
However, there is more to this outfit than just the fugly green jacket. We must consider the black turtleneck, which is not bad in and of itself. But look at the belt he has combined it in, especially in the first picture. Notice anything off? That's right... the turtleneck is black, and the belt is brown! And get this, men are supposed to match their belts to their shoes, so look what shoes he wears?
Brown and white shoes! Not brown and black to match the turtleneck, brown and black! Not that I would ever, every recommend a black turtleneck plus brown belt and brown shoes, but these are brown and white shoes! My God!
The other thing to know about this, is that the jacket has no buttons! Look, do you see buttons on that thing anywhere? It's avant-garde to have one button on a sport coat, but none? There are NO buttons! Seriously, this is most messed up men's wear in history!
The pants are rather boring, but at least seem to fit right-- they break at the right level on the shoes and are cuffed to add weight. Now if only Mamoru could pair a decent shirt with those pants, we might be in business! It's a shame, really. I mean, Mamo-chan is so very handsome, to have it all obscured by the ugliest clothes known to man. That green jacket and turtleneck combo will never show you the hardened, ripped muscles underneath, or the strong arms that can hold me so tenderly...
Phew, is it just me, or is it hot in here? Anyway! I plotted in vain for years to get rid of this outfit. The first item of priority was the two jackets. However, since he wears them everyday, there was no way he wouldn't notice both of them going missing at once. Also, he seemed to have a sixth sense about it-- those jackets would conveniently go to the laundry whenever I'd have a chance to snoop for them! Alas, I made sure that several other questionable articles of clothing went the way of the dodo bird, but to this day I have been consistently vanquished when it comes to the subject of the dreaded green jackets. After the wedding, I had an elaborate plan that included household cleaners, a few willing maids, and a moment of clumsiness that would forever ruin these items of apparel. However, since the engagement is over, that'll never happen! I must officially apologize to all of you. I've had ten years to get to do it, and I have been defeated! You have no idea the guilt I carry over this.
Some of you must still be wondering how I know all of this about men's apparel! You shouldn't be surprised, after all I did tie Lucan's tie the other day. You see, I have one person to thank for this knowledge! I got it all from my Daddy!
Daddy always knew how to dress for success! A magazine editor, he had a conservative workplace, so he went for the classic navy suit, white dress shirt, and burgundy tie. His shoes matched, and the suit is tailored, tapering in at the sides, and fits in the shoulders! His tie has a Windsor knot and matches the rest of his apparel. This picture is from a decade ago, and Daddy could still be in style at any office around the world! That's how it's done.
I hope you enjoyed this first edition of What Not to Wear! And if you see Mamoru, make a citizen's arrest of that green jacket, mmkay?
