12/28PM A little privacy, please? Nate/Mako

[Nathaniel Bernhardt]

Home at last.

Nathaniel just managed to turn the key in the lock, leaning against the door and stumbling into the ritzy, spacious apartment. He had been silent during the ride over, taking Makoto at her word that they needed privacy. It certainly wasn't a conversation that he wanted the cab driver to overhear, though Nathaniel wasn't sure he could speak much Japanese-- or English. Tokyo was beginning to remind him of New York, as people from every continent flowed in, the cab drivers showed the ethnic diversity of the city the most. Usually he enjoyed talking to them, they always had interesting experiences. But tonight he was too lost within his thoughts and the elusive memories that lurked beyond the barrier.

More cracks were appearing, he could feel it, with each pulse of the headache, and every touch of the lovely Kino Makoto. He appreciated her support out of the restaurant and to the cab. He hadn't been sick often on a date, but the instant something went south, all of the women he'd known had been out of there, quickly. She stuck to her word. It wasn't a stretch to imagine that a sailor senshi would be selfless, but it was still a nice change. He almost regretted his predicament; the headaches and whatever was between them that lead him to need answers. He would have liked the time to fully pursue her without strange psychic needs getting in the way. Then again, he might not have fixated on her if not for his powers and what she did to his head.

Reaching over, he pawed the wall in the darkness, finally turning on the kitchen light. It was far enough away that it wouldn't aggravate his head further, but still give them enough light to see. Thankfully the cleaning lady had been through here earlier, so it was somewhat presentable.

"Want something to drink?" Nathaniel asked, lumbering over to the mini-bar. He didn't wait for her answer before pouring himself some whiskey on the rocks. He'd need something stronger than beer tonight. "So. This is it." His words felt hollowed and clipped, the charm beginning to wear thin, as much as he wasn't trying to be impolite. But it was hard to be debonair when he had the migraine of the century. It was beginning to effect his vision, with those strange artifacts in his peripheral vision.

"If it was your life, wouldn't you want to know?" he asked her, too far gone to hide the note of desperation in his voice. "No matter what it took. You'd fight for the truth."

[Kino Makoto]

When the light flicked on, it was all Makoto could do to keep her jaw from hitting the floor. ‘Huge’ was an understatement. But what caught her eye was the window covered wall with several different telescopes set up before them. She winced as a flash of memory crossed her mind again. -A room, filled with windows and telescopes. A table covered with charts and maps.-

She set the pizza box on the counter and nodded at Nathaniel’s offer of a beverage. “Just water please.”

Makoto took off her coat and tossed it over the back of the couch. Crossing over to the expansive windows, she stared out at the clear night sky as Nathaniel’s words soaked in. ‘Wouldn’t you want to know?’ She sighed as she placed a hand on the glass, watching the stars as they twinkled back at her, almost winking in a way. Closing her eyes, she took in a deep breath before speaking. “It’s been my life. I have wanted to know. Ever since I found out who I truly am and was told I had a past life, I’ve wanted to know.”

She turned away from the window and looked to Nathaniel and frowned, sympathizing with the pain he was currently in. “Why don’t you sit down?”

[Nathaniel Bernhardt]

He opened the fridge and pulled out a bottle of expensive mineral water, but stopped, watching as she approached the window. Nathaniel wished he could freeze that image, that it could stay with him forever. Makoto was in his home, backlit by the lights of the city, but somehow he knew her eyes were going to the stars beyond them. He wanted to remember her like this.

She could empathize. That's what he heard, that she had the same desire. Did she search as far as he had; had she found what she was searching for? Did any of it have to do with him?

Her past life...

Nodding at her suggestion to sit down, he wandered over to the leather couch and sat down heavily, setting the bottle of water down on the coffee table.

"Did we know each other... in your past life?" It seemed like a clue that she had mentioned that, and he seized on it. "Is that why you seem so familiar? Or are you trying to find your memories, too?"

He hadn't known if this barrier was from memories he had of his current life, or a past one. He had always focused on the former, but perhaps he had looked in the wrong direction. Locking eyes with Makoto, he knew definitively that this was the right direction.

[Kino Makoto]

Makoto walked over and picked up the bottle of water he’d placed on the coffee table. She took a long drink from it before setting it back down. She watched him for a moment, thinking of how to answer his question. Would he want the whole story, from the very beginning? Would he want to let the gist sink in before learning the full truth? Or should it be somewhere in the middle? It was hard for her to try to explain something that she didn’t fully understand herself. So she stood in silence for a few moments, just staring at him, wondering where to begin. She finally decided to answer the smaller questions first, then elaborate if she needed to.

“Please understand, I really was being truthful with you the other night. I really did not know what to tell you or how to help you. This morning, that changed.” For the first time in a while, she broke eye contact with him. This was not going to be easy, and she felt it necessary to move. She began a slow pace back and forth in front of the couch, across the line of windows.

“Yes, I have a past life. You do as well. I have only recently been able to piece my memories of that life together. However, there has always been one piece missing.” She stopped her pace and locked eyes with him. “That piece is you.”

She quickly looked away and began her pacing again. “Or was you, or was the person you used to be, or something like that. Yes, we knew each other. And yes, I am still trying to find my memories.”

[Nathaniel Bernhardt]

Nathaniel nodded at her first assurance that she had been telling the truth the night before. He let his heavy head rest against the back of the couch. The cool leather against his neck felt refreshing. He wondered what had happened this morning to get Makoto to know more, but that was neither here nor there, at least right now.

He found himself letting out a long breath as she at last confirmed it: he had a past life, and they were each a part of each other's past lives. But why didn't she had her memories-- how could she know if she couldn't remember? The logic made his head ache as much as the nearness and the topic of conversation did.

Nathaniel closed his eyes; with all of the artifacts in his vision, he didn't have much use for them anyway. He just concentrated on the soft timbre of her voice. "Makoto... If you are still waiting to access your memories, then how do you know that I am a part of your past life? Did you remember a fragment... or was it otherwise revealed to you? You-- the effects are strongest with you. But I've had these issues ever since I've come to Crystal Tokyo, really, all my life. You're at the center of it, but... Others factor into it."

He forced his eyes to open, searching for hers once more, despite his waning vision. "This... this is just the start of it, isn't it?" Whatever this past life was, it was bigger than just the two of them.

Who the hell am I? What did I do... we do? Were we... lovers once?

[Kino Makoto]

She shook her head. “It’s not that I’m waiting to access my memories. I do have some of them. And yes, I’ve remembered a fragment -several fragments even- that involve you, but they’ve only been coming to me since I first saw you the other day.”

She moved back to the couch and sat beside him with one leg curled under her so she could turn to face him. When he lifted his head and looked at her, she took a deep breath and returned the gaze for a brief moment before exhaling and closing her eyes. “I’ve barely even scratched the surface.”

Makoto opened her eyes again, taking in the sight of the man before her. She could tell he was in a great deal of distress. That urge began to bubble forth again, the one that told her she should be holding him, taking care of him. She bit her lip, trying to remain composed. She needed to get away from him before she did something… regrettable. Despite only having been seated for a moment, she got up and grabbed her water again and moved back to pace before the window.

“I really don’t even know how to begin to explain. All I can say for certain is that you and I did indeed have a connection in a life from thousands of years ago. I only remember small pieces of that life that involve you. I can tell you everything I know about you, but I doubt any of it would make sense without hearing the full story…” She turned to look at him and frowned. “…but with the shape you’re in now, I worry that it may be too much information for you to take in at one time. I fear that I may have already said too much as it is.”

[Nathaniel Bernhardt]

So, he had been a trigger for her, too. Though her memories seemed to come easier. Nathaniel couldn't explain the brief surge of jealousy that spiked within him. It died quickly amongst the other rush of emotions that were surging, many that he could not name or understand their origin. She was closer than he was, and that was enough. If it was possible to feel everything at once, he was sure that he was in that state. He rubbed his temples, trying to make sure that he could still hear her through the increased pounding of his head.

Makoto came and sat next to him for a moment. He sensed rather than saw her presence, and it was enough to keep pressing on that barrier. All too quickly, she left. The pressure as well as the warmth that came with her seemed to fade away as well.

What was she afraid of? It hurt, yes, but the pain was cathartic. After years of uncertainty, of unanswered questions, they were both on the cusp...

Couldn't she taste it? Didn't she want it?

She knew the full story. That was what she was telling him, standing at a distance at his window, dictating the time, the place, the condition he had to be in the receive her news from high.

Nathaniel growled, forcing himself to his feet and stalking over to her. He wasn't even thinking as he closed the distance between them, leaning down and ensnaring her lips with his own. Weren't there answers enough within the taste of her?

"Did we do this thousands years ago?" he whispered against her mouth, his breath hot. She tasted, and smelled sweet, like an breeze that carried the fragrant scent of flowers. "Did I want you this much? Kiss you this hard?" He pushed against her, his arms coming around, wanting to possess all of her, keep her there forever. Time suspended, and he found himself in an elastic, crystallized existence, between the twilight of the past and the red dawn of a new life.

"Answer me!" he demanded between kisses, seizing as much as he could before she could react. "If you won't tell me everything, tell me this... Why... It all comes down to you.... To you, Maeve."

The name cracked like lighting in his brain, but he ignored the epiphany, the earth shattering realization. He didn't have time to think, to try to understand it anymore.

All that mattered was that he held her in his arms.

[Kino Makoto]

Makoto stopped her pacing as she saw Nathaniel sit up and look at her. When he began to lift himself off the couch, she readied herself to step forward to assist him should his balance still be lacking. She found it was rather unnecessary as in what seemed like milliseconds he was in front of her, pulling her to him, and pressing his lips against hers yet again. Her mind reeled from the sensations he sent coursing over her body, and she couldn’t help but want more. The water bottle fell from her hand and to the floor as she wrapped her arms around him, wanting, needing to be even closer to him as they kissed.

As quickly has he begun kissing her, he stopped long enough to ask a question before reclaiming her lips again and again. Thoughts of a life from thousands of years ago sped through her mind as she squeezed her eyes closed, pain searing in her skull. All of his answers and all of her answers were right there, flashing as each one passed behind her closed eyes. A small tear slid down her cheek as the memories began to flow freely. She pulled him tighter still, answering all his questions with one small word between each kiss. “Yes. Yes. Yes. YES.” Her hands traveled up to run through his hair as she kissed him harder, deeper.

And then, he said a name. That name. HER name. She pulled back, her green eyes glistening with tears that had not yet been shed. Did he remember now too? She searched his eyes for answers, but still only found questions. She knew. She knew everything, and he still did not.

Somehow she managed to untangle herself from his arms and stepped back away from him. Reality had come crashing back in like a ton of bricks. She remembered. She remembered when they met, the moment she fell in love with him, their first time making love, the secret moments they’d stolen away together, the broken relationship between the moon and earth, his betrayal, her death.

Her death. At his hands. Suddenly all the urges she’d had to hold and kiss him were gone. She backed away one step at a time, tears finally falling from her eyes. She shook her head as images of war and fighting and blood…her blood…pulsed through her mind. “No.” She jumped in surprise as she bumped into the couch and quickly moved around it, her hands grabbing for her coat. “No…it can’t…. I can’t…”

Despite her fear, she saw the confusion in his eyes and felt the urge to run back to his warm embrace. But she couldn’t. She had to get out of there. She clutched her coat tightly to her body before turning for the door. Reaching for the handle she looked back to him one last time, tears still falling. “I’m so sorry.”

[Nathaniel Bernhardt]

She held onto him. Her hands were in his hair, her answers were spilling out, and their tears were mingling with each kiss. She was warm and fit into him, and the pain was becoming indistinguishable from pleasure. Each sensation brought him closer to trespassing that damnable boundary. She was going to take him there. He didn't stop to process the strange name from his lips, he knew it as well, more than he knew her other one. She wasn't so different from then, just a new name, a different place...

And then suddenly, she was gone. She pulled from his grasp and, the warm and guidance that had been there was wretchedly absent. Nathaniel just stood there, blinking stupidly at her, his head pounding, heart racing, not accepting the strange look in her eyes as she backed away from him. His arms didn't drop or move, they held the same position they had when she was there. The air seemed heavy, palpably anxious and suffocating as it pressed against him.

No? A moment ago, she had been saying yes. Yes, yes, yes, and now it was a cold, single word that severed all that. A negative, or a refusal... "Don't go," he found himself saying in garbled Japanese, barely able to speak the foreign language with his body aching both from and for her touch. But she was stumbling out as quickly as she had come in, taking hope of answers, relief, and truth with her.

What are you afraid of? Not quite comprehending what had happened, he sat down, right there, on the carpet, resting his forehead on his knee. She told him to talk to the stars... he glanced toward the window that she had stood in front of, that moment when he decided he wanted to remember her, just like that. It was so hard to see them, between his wavering vision and the bright lights that made his head pulse harder. He couldn't even see the stars...

And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall set you free... Who was it that wrote that? Fragments, dreams, maybe even visions came at him. He wasn't sure how long he sat there, sifting through the bits that managed to escape the barrier. It was beginning to frighten him. Nathaniel flinched at one, regaining consciousness again. A glance at the clock said it had been hours since she had left.

He couldn't even stand straight, his head hurt so much. Hunched over, he stumbled over to the bathroom, flicking on the lights, and wincing aloud as it sent a jolt of pain through his head. Maybe he didn't want to know anymore... Had she seen a flicker of what had come to him? It would terrify anyone. Nathaniel ignored his haggard reflection in the mirror, opening it up and rifling through the cabinet's contents, sending bottles crashing to the tile floor. For some reason, it reminded him of the clang of swords, on the moon. It was all so close, but he couldn't get there... He rubbed his left temple, heading out towards the kitchen.

And ye shall know the truth...

He spent enough time on the street to have a basic understanding of the interactions of drugs and alcohol. If there was ever a time that called for self-treatment, it would be this. Nathaniel picked up his empty tumbler of whiskey, using it to grind two oxycodone tablets into powder. He used his hand to push the powder into his glass, pouring the whiskey in on top of it.

"Here's to you, Kino Makoto," he toasted in a strange mixture of English and Japanese. "Who got me close, but not close enough." He stared down at the amber liquid, closing his eyes, the same fragments that had escaped coming back to the forefront of his consciousness, again and again.

And the truth shall set you free...

Sitting down, he tipped the glass back, guzzling the alcohol/narcotics mixture. It burned the back of his throat. The room dissolved, forcing him back to confront what memories he had, and the feelings that he did not have memories to match with. And her face remained superimposed over it all.