{Private Journal} Dear Diary...

[Kino Makoto]

(Handwritten journal. Hidden VERY well somewhere within Makoto's quarters.)

Well Diary, today was quite the interesting day, and that's putting it mildly!

This morning I wound up dealing with a mess of the palace kitchens yet again. I swear, that place is going to be the death of me! You would think setting up a kitchen would be simple, but apparently it's too hard for the construction crew to handle. They promised it would be finished by next week. Let's see if they keep that promise.

I was so wound up from all of that, I decided to get out for a while and stopped by the shrine. I was very happy to see Ami was there as well. It's not often she's around the palace during the day. We had a nice chat over tea and watched the sun rise. Definitely helped to get me calm.

Did some work in the garden today too. Pruned the roses, threw down some fertilizer, and planted a few more herbs.

Poor Ami, she tried to go for a relaxing swim and wound up at the center of one of those horrid palace rumours. She's still not over it! I tried to get her cheered up, and I'm sure she'll be OK but I still worry about her.

And if all that wasn't enough, Usagi decided to sneak away from the palace without telling anyone. While I can't even begin to imagine how much stress she must be under, I am quite upset that she didn't come to any of us (especially Mamoru) first. I know all of us would have been more than happy to take time out to spend with her without worrying about state matters. Ami had a great idea to have a girl's day with her in a few days. I'm looking forward to it!

The strangest thing happened while all this was going on. Some guy that had stopped by the shrine decided to follow Rei to the royal chambers and barged in on our meeting. Apparently he's some sort of psychic, and for some reason he kept staring at me. I don't know what he thought he was doing, but I wound up with an awful headache. What's crazier is that it only got worse when I looked him in the eye. Which, might I add, had to be the most beautiful blue eyes I have ever seen. But that doesn't matter. I don't know if he was trying to get into my head or what, but it was not pleasant. Lucan and Setsuna are interrogating him now as to why he was snooping around the palace. Hopefully that'll be the end of it and I won't have to worry about seeing him around again. I've taken 4 Tylenol so far, and I still can't shake this headache. I think I'm going to have to talk to Rei about this.

[Kino Makoto]

Diary, I just had to write this down as soon as I woke.

My dreams tonight consisted yet again of the tall man in uniform. Though the dream was a bit clearer than it had been in the past, I'm still not sure what sort of uniform it was. It seemed as though it may be royal, but I'm not positive. Everything's still so foggy. Except for one thing. I finally saw his eyes. They're blue and they shone so brightly in the moonlight. I couldn't help but be drawn to them. But it seemed the closer I got to him, the further away he was from me.

I'm so confused!! I'm keeping my fingers crossed that the chat with Rei this morning will help clear my head.

[Kino Makoto]

Diary, I don't have much time to write this as I am already beyond late to the senshi meeting with Usagi, so I'll just be brief.

who is 'Nephy'?

I saw ol' blue eyes again tonight. (I really should get his name) He is so infuriatingly cocky. It all happened so quickly... I was in a rush, he managed to push every button I have, and I punched him. Apparently it didn't phase him because only a moment later he had pulled me into an alley and was questioning me about my headaches and why he felt so familiar around me even though we'd only just met. I really do wish I'd had answers for him, but I didn't and before I could get away... he kissed me. And before I knew it, I was kissing back. And that's when it happened. Something inside my head just screamed at me, at the familiarity of kissing this man that I barely know, and I pushed him away and said "I can’t do this Nephy, not here." I've wracked my brain ever since that moment, and I can't figure out why I would ever say something like that. I'm such a fool for saying something so stupid.

My lips still tingle from his kiss.

[Kino Makoto]

Diary,

His name is Nathaniel. And I'm going to dinner with him.

Rei-chan is going to kill me.

[Kino Makoto]

Diary,

Things just keep getting worse.

Had a meeting with Usagi and the girls today. Apparently the man that Rei met turned out to be Jadeite. And they think Nathaniel is Nephrite. Which would finally answer why I called him Nephy. The others, Zoisite, Kunzite…they’re out there too. To make matters worse, I had a wave of memories hit me and I fainted!! Right there in front of the girls. How embarrassing!!!

Tonight was my dinner with Nathaniel as well. It started off pretty nice. He’s quite the gentleman, and he’s got a HOT car to boot! He took me to an American-style pizza restaurant. The food was delicious…well the little bit that I got to eat, that is. Of course he started up with asking me all these questions again. I suppose I said more than I should have. He got really pale and broke out into a sweat. We wound up taking the rest to-go and went back to his apartment to keep talking.

It didn’t get any better there, either. I told him what I could, but he looked so ill that I was worried if I said more…something bad would happen. That wasn’t good enough for him, and he grabbed me again…kissing me over and over, questioning me on my past…our past. And then it hit me. Everything I’ve ever wanted to know about my past live just hit me in one fell swoop. I remembered it all, the good things and the bad.

And I remembered him. Everything we’d shared – words, smiles, kisses, and…more. But before I could even piece any of that together, I remembered something else. I remembered how it ended. I remembered what he became, what he did, what they all did. I couldn’t help it, but I ran. I pulled away from him, and I left.

I have no idea how he is. He was in such bad shape, and I should have stayed, I should have helped him, but I’m a coward and I left. I want to see him again. I need to see him again. I just hope he’s alright.

For now, I need sleep.

[Kino Makoto]

Diary,

Went shopping with Ami this morning. Found a dress for the NYE ball, thankfully. Next time I have to remember to do something much sooner. Buying things off the rack can be so hard, I seriously need a seamstress.

Afterwards, we went to lunch at a bookstore café. Had a nice talk with Ami. Thankfully, she understands how I’m feeling. There’s so much still floating around in my mind, but she’s been there too and helped me feel better about what happened. And between me and her… we’re both hoping for the best when it comes to the Shitennou.

Speaking of which… It is all still weighing heavily on my mind. I’m trying so hard to put on a brave face for everyone. I’m still so worried about Nathaniel. From the last looks, if Nephrite hasn’t awoken…he’s damn close. I want to know. Will he be the Nephrite I loved, or will he be the Nephrite I’m so afraid of? I sincerely hope it’s the former.

We will see…soon, I hope.