Date at Tamakyu's 1/2 Evening (Usagi/Mamoru)

[Chiba Mamoru]

Mamoru arrived at Tamakyu’s a few minutes early, wanting to arrive before Usagi did. He needed everything to be perfect. He had done his very best to dress to impress tonight in a suit, vest, and tie, avoiding colors that he knew both Zoisite and Zacharie would disapprove of. Blacks and grays worked out just fine, at least he hoped so.

Although he figured that Usagi wasn’t expecting a ‘date’, Mamoru was going to do this right. He had stopped by a flower shop before coming here. He had been about to get roses, but then he had seen some Forget-me-nots. Although they weren’t the flowers ordinarily used for dates, he remembered the time that Usagi had told him what those very flowers meant. ‘True Love’ Whether she believed him or not, he had been paying attention to her that day. These were the flowers that he chose to buy for the evening, hoping that she would see that he was serious.

Mamoru had also arranged for the best wine to be brought to their table, even though it had cost him quite a bit. He didn’t care about prices at the moment, he only cared about making things perfect. Each step in his plan was important, even if tonight failed she would know that he was serious about what he had to say. At least that was what he hoped.

He had spent all afternoon planning what he was going to say to her. Now he just had to pull it all off and make certain nothing went wrong. He couldn’t afford any mistakes here.

Mamoru paced the front lobby of the restaurant nervously as he waited for Usagi to arrive. He was still feeling just like a schoolboy on his first date, nervous and out of place. Worried that something would go wrong, or maybe she wouldn’t be able to make it for some reason. He forced himself to calm down, it wouldn’t do to spoil the night by saying or doing something stupid when she finally did arrive. If Usagi wasn’t going to come then she would have had someone to call him and let him know. She wouldn’t just stand him up. Nevertheless, he continued pacing nervously as he awaited her arrival.

[Neo Queen Serenity]

As the day wore on, Usagi found herself unable to concentrate on her work very much. She completely blanked out during the meeting with the representatives from the former country on Angola, and had to look back at her aide's notes to figure out what went on. She still wasn't satisfied with the speech, but wasn't able to articulate her feelings in words-- there were plenty of scribbles in the margins, but she doubted her comments would be useful or appreciated by the speech writer. The briefer from the Ministry of Intelligence had to explain just what she was looking at in the latest satellite photos over Columbia about three times.

They were all probably glad to be rid of her by the time it was four in the afternoon. Hopefully she'd have a clearer head once she knew what all of this was about. Mamoru had her so confused that she couldn't make out either end of just what he was playing at. She couldn't help feeling as if she should be prepared for something-- though what, she couldn't be sure. He certainly had done a good job of keeping her guessing as to what this was about.

The two hours before the meeting time were put to good use. For once, Usagi could pick out what she wanted to wear in public instead of having others do it for her, and she had tried on dozens of dresses, many of which either still had the tags on, or had never been worn before. It would be impossible to entirely avoid the press on this venture; if she was going to be photographed at a nice restaurant, with Mamoru, her ex, she had better look good!

Finally, she settled on a strapless black cocktail dress. Who could go wrong with a simple, but well-cut little black dress? She chose a pair of black pumps that would show off her legs to the best advantage, and wore simple diamond studs in her ears, leaving her neck bare. There was plenty there already to keep Mamoru's eye, as well as anyone else's-- occupied. No need for a necklace.

She eschewed the typical limo for a smaller car, and managed to stretch out the motorcade enough that it didn't even really look like one anymore. They managed to arrive on time, and without attracting too much attention. The door opened for her, she stepped out, and was quickly hustled into the building before she even had a chance to stop and look around. Security didn't like her out in the open for long.

Once in the lobby, they separated to disappear and give her space. She glanced around, clearly impressed. She had never been here before herself, but had heard about it... There was one word for this place, and it was swank. Even after the luxury of the Palace, it still managed to dazzle her a bit.

"May I take your wrap, your Majesty?" asked a very deferential coat check boy. Usagi tore her gaze from the ceiling to hand him the silvery wrap; it was warm enough in here that she wouldn't need it.

"Thank you," she smiled politely, and caught sight of Mamoru, quickly swallowing. He looked so good, especially with the light reflecting in his jet black hair; his form displayed to its best advantage in a well-tailored suit. This wasn't his usual dress, either. Was she living in a dream-world?

She managed to keep her composure, slowly walking towards him. She'd die of embarrassment if she managed to klutz out now, though that hadn't happened in quite awhile.

"Hi," she smiled shyly, but it quickly grew into a teasing grin. "Guess what? I'm on time! Miracles do happen."

[Chiba Mamoru]

Mamoru smiled appreciatively the moment he laid eyes on Usagi. She looked wonderful in that little black dress, more then wonderful. He never took his eyes off her as she walked toward him.

“Good evening Usagi.” He returned her teasing smile before saying, “Miracles do happen, though really you haven’t been late in a long time.”

His gaze roved over her slowly, lingering for a few moments before coming back to rest on her face. He didn’t bother hiding the smoldering desire and longing in his expression as he added softly, “Though I’d be willing to wait forever for you ...”

Remembering they were in a very public place, Mamoru swallowed nervously before holding out the flowers he had bought earlier. “I bought these for you Usagi ... I hope that you like them.”

[Neo Queen Serenity]

"No, I haven't," Usagi agreed, pretending to be serious for a moment before smiling once more. "But that's because I'm Queen. A queen is never late, everyone else is simply early," she said mischievously, using the same line she had given Luna a few days before.

But her amusement, which was partly genuine, and partly a cover for her confusion over this whole thing, quickly faded at the look he was currently giving her. Instead, the faint stain of a blush began to surface on her cheeks and neck. Mamoru did not do these kinds of things, or say what he had just said, in public, did he?

She didn't have time enough to collect her thoughts before he had reacted and was presenting her with flowers... and they weren't roses, either.

"Thank you," Usagi murmured quietly, only because she was so shocked. She gently took them from Mamoru, the wrapping crinkling slightly within her light grasp. Forget-me-nots? Was that a subtle-- or perhaps, not-so-subtle-- message? She recalled telling Mamoru that they meant 'true love' in the language of flowers-- a definition that had emerged in the Victorian age, though their connection with romance went back much farther. Of course, right after she had told him that, she had thought, in her typically naive 14-year-old way, that it was the proper time for a kiss, and had stood there patiently, all puckered up. She had known by then that Mamoru was not that great at initiating kisses any other type of physical affection, and so had taken it upon herself to make it plainly obvious when she desired one at every perceived romantic turn. And he had looked behind him, behind her, doing a full 360° inspection, and finally satisfied that they were alone, had deigned to kiss her. Of course, the spying senshi and Chibi-Usa had put a stop to that, which left her kissing a very big, hairy caterpillar. She still hadn't quite gotten over that. Usagi reminded herself to never tell Hotaru that story; the inner senshi had no qualms about spying themselves at that age.

The Mamoru from then was quite a contrast to now. The Mamoru that had done everything but pull up tiles on the floor to make sure no one would watch him kiss her had not only just said one of most romantic things she had ever heard, he had been openly gazing with her with desire. "They're lovely, thank you," Usagi responded, lowering her head slightly to take in the fragrance. Smiling at him, she turned to one of the waiters. "Would it be possible to get these in a vase with water?" She wouldn't want them to wilt during the course of the evening.

The staff seemed perfectly willing to oblige her. The service was impeccable here; which was the norm for such a high-end establishment-- and she was sure that being the Queen helped quite a bit in that department, as well.

Of course, flowers meant that this seemed more like a date than ever. Relinquishing the bouquet to the waiter so that they could be carefully preserved, she turned to Mamoru once again. "Do we have a table yet?" she asked, unsure what he wanted to do, now.

[Chiba Mamoru]

Mamoru was enjoying himself, but he was enjoying that blush of Usagi’s even more. He had always been affected by Usagi’s closeness, but as usual he had kept his feelings to himself. He doubted very much if Usagi had ever realized the many times he had to content himself with a cold shower after she had left his company. He regretted it now however, to see how much she could be affected just by a look and a few simple words only made things that much better. Why had he never figured this out? Being this demonstrative wasn’t nearly as hard as he had made it out to be. At least not yet anyway, Mamoru was under no illusions that this was going to be an easy fight. He would be fighting against Usagi’s reluctance and his own habits, it would be an up-hill battle all the way but it was one he was willing to fight. For now though, things were going the way he wanted them to go.

His smile returned when Usagi seemed to like the flowers. He had chosen right then. He watched her get one of the waiters to put her flowers in some water before turning back to him and asking about a table.

Mamoru nodded and murmured, “Yes, I made the reservations this morning.” He turned toward the guy standing at the desk and motioned that he was ready for his table. Within moments a waiter was there to lead them to the table that had been reserved. One that afforded them the privacy Mamoru craved for his planned conversation, but still public enough not to cause too many rumors.

Mamoru laid a gentle hand at the small of Usagi’s back as they walked, staying close but not improperly so. He knew she loved him still, she had to, he refused to believe that she could just stop loving someone as quickly as she’d like to pretend. No matter what she’d like to believe, it just wasn’t possible and at this point, he was willing to use whatever advantage he could get to remind her of that fact.

When they reached the table, he pulled the chair out for her before nodding at the waiter when he left the menus and said he’d be back momentarily to take their orders. After Mamoru had sat down as well, he turned to Usagi with another smile before saying, “We can have that talk after dinner, you don’t mind do you? I wouldn’t want to spoil the dinner with a serious conversation. I’ve heard this place has very good food.”

[Neo Queen Serenity]

He made reservations... Well, now he seemed to be thinking ahead, Usagi had no idea what to expect when he just pulled out the restaurant's name on the phone. She had been bewildered enough by that conversation to wonder if he had the right place, knew what it was, and would be willing to pay for it. Now, with him, she had no such confusion. He seemed committed to making this a date, and she was beginning to wonder if she had been tricked into it, and the whole serious conversation bit was just an act.

The blush didn't leave her cheeks as he rested his hand on the small of her back. That was a gesture that got her heart going, there was something so intimate about his hand resting at that spot. It was really only something done by someone you were in a relationship with-- with a friend or an acquaintance, they might touch one's shoulders, or upper back to lead somewhere... not that low. While it was flattering, it also made her a little uncomfortable. She was not in that kind of relationship with Mamoru, and the patrons of the restaurant were watching them with undisguised interest. She wasn't sure she wanted to be seen with him touching her in such a possessive way. It made her feel like she wasn't properly observing boundaries; that perhaps Mamoru had not gotten it through his head that they were through. She was only here, after all, because he had practically begged her to speak with him about something important. Obviously it wasn't so urgent that it couldn't wait until they had something to eat...

Usagi thank him when he pulled out the chair, and opened the menu curiously. "That's fine with me if you want to wait. I'm sure you know me well enough by now that I listen better when I've been fed, anyway," she replied politely, but inwardly was just about dying with curiosity. After dinner, she really would find out if this whole thing had just been a ploy.

"I've heard good things about it as well," Usagi replied, scanning the menu list and nodding as she read. "Mind if I order an appetizer? I'm starved; I don't think I can wait until dinner is served." She wanted some edamame, and then perhaps a Wagyu-Kobe steak. Usagi's appetite had always been large, but she was usually very hungry at the end of each day. She worked hard, and the tension of the past few days had worn away at her, enough that she hadn't been eating as much as usual. Suddenly, away from the Palace, and surrounding by eating patrons, she realized just how ravenous she was.

"So, how was your day?" she asked, closing the menu now that she knew what she wanted. They had to keep the conversation going somehow. "How has work been?" She hadn't heard about his job in forever, so why not find out now? "Are you all settled in to your apartment?"

[Chiba Mamoru]

Mamoru studied Usagi quietly for a moment as she looked at her menu. He knew her well didn’t he? He had always thought he did. Usagi was easy to understand, but it wasn’t always easy to see how she was really feeling. While she was an open book most of the time, there were times when she hid her feelings quite well. That’s what this was all about wasn’t it? That they didn’t know each other very well, or well it was really that she didn’t know him very well but perhaps he could stand to learn a thing or two as well.

He frowned momentarily before murmuring vaguely, “I’m learning Usagi, that the things I took for granted, the things I thought I knew, were a whole lot more complicated then I gave them credit for.”

Feeling slightly less comfortable then he had moments before, Mamoru turned his attention to his menu and added, “Feel free to order whatever you like. As neither of us have ever been here we might as well try out their cuisine fully right?”

When she inquired about his work, Mamoru’s first instinct was to turn the conversation back around to her. He would much rather talk about her then himself, but if he did that he would lose before he even really began. She wanted him to be more open and that would involve talking about things he didn’t ordinarily wish to discuss.

He hesitated a moment before saying, “Honestly Usagi, I haven’t been back to work yet though I’ll have to go back within the next couple of days if I don’t want to lose my position. I really enjoyed the work I did, but with everything going on it hasn’t been easy wanting to go back. The fact that I know my co-workers will have read everything in the papers, especially the ones from the other day ... I haven’t really wanted to face them.”

Once again Mamoru hesitated, not certain if Usagi had read the stories that had come out after his night out on the town with Motoki. After a moment he shrugged and giving her a wry smile said, “I’ll go back in the next day or so. I’m not going to allow the media or even a few gossiping co-workers to run me out of a job that I really enjoy doing. As for my apartment, I settled in nicely. Zacharie moved in today while I was out preparing for this evening I think.”

[Neo Queen Serenity]

At his words, Usagi looked up, studying his face as he spoke. It was a vague statement, just mentioning 'things' that he took for granted, but somehow she thought that perhaps he meant her. He had been taking her for granted. She wouldn't argue with that, at least not entirely... He seemed to expect that she wouldn't ever let him go, that she'd fight for him as she always had. And why should he expect any different when that was what she always did? Again, she felt uncomfortable; was that what this whole thing was about? Their relationship-- or, currently, lack thereof?

Usagi tossed her head slightly, pulling up a bright smile. "Now, Mamoru, I thought you told me we were saving the serious talk until after dinner?" Glossing over the issue with cheer, she took a sip of her water, returning her attention to the menu. At least Mamoru seemed agreeable to ordering whatever she pleased... It would be nice to taste some different things, and she really was quite hungry. She's need something soon.

However, all thoughts of food left her mind as Mamoru slowly began to open up about his work. She frowned, apparently the press had been affecting him more than he let on at the New Year's party. "I'm sorry to hear that. I've seen the coverage the past few days; I've not been happy with it myself." Welcome to my world, she found herself thinking. "Just take your own advice and don't let it ruin something you enjoy," she smiled. "I've been dealing with those same feelings every since I became a target of the press; sometimes it's just so hard to get out of bed and you feel like you'd die if you faced anybody at work because of what was in the papers. But your coworkers know you, Mamoru, and I'm sure they're concerned about you. Most people are too polite to mention such things anyway. It's never as bad as I imagine it when I finally do suck it up and head in." She had never taken a day off before because of such rumors, though on New Year's she came quite close.

"I'm glad to hear that," she remarked as he talked about the apartment. "Did it come furnished, or are you going to have to buy furniture? That's always the funnest and the hardest part," she laughed, remembering her first apartment, and the scrounging up funds to buy things off of Tokyo Craigslist, driving all around the city to pick up cheap second-hand chairs and a table.

"Ready to order?" she asked him, lifting her hand to signal the waiter. If she didn't get some food soon, she'd regret it.

[Chiba Mamoru]

Mamoru nodded and allowed the matter to drop for the moment. He wasn’t really ready to bring up that subject just yet anyway. As he had said earlier, he wanted to finish the dinner before going into that conversation.

He gave Usagi a reassuring smile before saying, “I’ll go back to work Usagi, probably in the next day or so. I don’t intend to hide away from the public just because of a few stories in the newspapers. You don’t have to worry about me. I told you the other day not to worry about it and I meant it. Thank you though, for understanding I mean.”

Mamoru smiled at her and said, “It came furnished actually. I wouldn’t really want to have to put together an apartment full of furniture. It might be fun to design an apartment just so, but it’s a whole lot easier just to have someone else do it.”

He nodded when she asked if he was ready to order. The waiter hurried over the moment Usagi lifted her hand to signal for him. When he arrived over at the table, the waiter bowed respectfully before asking, “What can I get for the two of you?”

Mamoru looked once more at the menu before saying, “I’d like some Pork Gyoza and the Ginger Pork please.” He glanced over toward Usagi and asked, “Usagi?”

[Neo Queen Serenity]

Usagi smiled politely back at him, withdrawing slightly. He had seemed to open up about something; she had reciprocated as was her nature-- it didn't bother her to declare honestly to him that she had often cowered in her bed, unwilling to face the day because of the rubbish in the media. He seemed to react to her comments with his typical smooth façade-- 'I'm fine, please and thank you.' Yes, Mamoru had sense-- everyone knew that they couldn't simply stop coming into work because of embarrassment over the news, but people were not purely logical animals, they had emotions that often dominated over reason. Mamoru's brief revelation of his emotions was quickly cloaked over by his reason and diplomatic manners. No deep conversation there.

A extrovert herself, Usagi was definitely chatty, but a good conversationalist listened just as much as she talked, and would return vulnerability with trust. Most people, upon listening to her relate to them with her most intimate of emotions (though she often dropped such deeply personal matters into conversation) would open up like flowers and begin to share more of themselves. Mamoru was just the opposite-- start talking about the touchy-feely, and he would retreat. It was a pattern of his, and had frustrated her to no end during their tenure together. She had learned to just yammer off about herself and her life, and hope that he stayed interested, or even gave a damn. In fact, most of their conversations had been mostly her talking; a habit she had gotten into but had never felt entirely comfortable with. Occasionally he would drop in with a comment, and sometimes she would test him to make sure he was even listening at all.

She had been too polite to really force him to talk about himself, and what a mistake that was. Mamoru was not a verbal creature; for years she had contented herself with observing his body language and trying to reason him out from how he interacted with others. It was a very oblique way of getting to know someone, and though she believed he had confided in her more than anyone else-- well, recent events had proven that close wasn't good enough. It was all or nothing.

He had surprised her so far, but apparently some things were just as they always were.

Usagi shrugged, sipping on her water. Mamoru's apartment before he moved into the Crystal Palace with her, had been rather austere as it was, she didn't expect him to have suddenly discovered interior decorating. All the same, he could be a bit particular about how he wanted things. "And you're busy enough as it is, I'm sure." She found herself curious about Zoicite-- Zacharie. Was he the type to want to decorate? Or imprint his own personality upon an apartment? Usagi could never occupy a space and not put her own personal touch upon it; she envisioned rooms having personality just as much as animals or humans. They were not sentient, but still needed to be treated with care, interacted with. A space was just like wearing clothes, or a haircut, or filling a bookshelf. It said someone about the person who owned it. Usagi realized that some people would consider her views shallow-- one couldn't really judge people based on their living rooms or their hairstyles, after all. But there were hints based on how someone carried themselves-- whether they cared for their appearance, whether they left signs of their presence in their living spaces...

It was good that the waiter was over and Mamoru was ordering. Having let the two subjects drop now that Mamoru had effectively killed them with his generic comments (at least to Usagi's ears), there would have been nothing but silence between then, and she wasn't willing to fill it with her chattering this time around.

Usagi looked up with a smile as Mamoru directed the waiter's attention to her. "Hello, I'd like edamame for an appetizer, if you please," she requested politely. "And, I think I know what I want for dinner, but I just thought I should ask you first-- are there any specials? What would you recommend?" she inquired.

The waiter seemed slightly nervous to be talking to her, and cleared his throat. "Well, your majesty--"

"--call me Usagi," she chirped with a grin. "Anyone that's going to be bringing me food automatically is on a first-name basis with me."

She saw the man return her grin shyly. "Masao," he introduced himself, also giving her his first name. "We have a chef's special on a assortment of sashimi. But I am afraid that I haven't had a chance to taste the menu," he said apologetically; used to having customers coming in who read about the place in a culinary magazine or from a food critic's column, and knew precisely what they had to order.

Usagi let out a little gasp. "But that's so not fair! You should know, you work here, and I need to rely upon your expert advice! I mean, if you serve it, you should at least know what it tastes like. I think I'd die if I had to carry around delicious smelling food all day and night and never get a chance to taste it... You must have the self-control of a saint."

Masao just laughed. "I'm usually so busy that I don't notice, but now that you mention it... I think I should try something."

"Absolutely," Usagi nodded. "Since I have to choose all by myself," she pouted, making him laugh again, "I think I'll have the Wagyu-Kobe, and I'll let you have a bite," she winked.

"I don't think my boss will allow that," Masao replied, scribbling down her order. "I've heard that that cut is exquisite, however."

"Uh-uh!" Usagi negated playfully, wagging a finger at him. "'Heard' isn't good enough! You gotta know! Tell your boss I said so. You said you're busy, is it a terribly long shift? Are the customers nice?"

"I enjoy the work, actually. Actually, since the rise of your government," he nodded to her, "we've been receiving quite a bit of international clientele. I was hired for my Japanese and English and Mandarin skills."

"Three languages!" Usagi exclaimed, proceeding to ask him about the difficulty of Mandarin, what his career plans were, who the wine sommelier was, how he liked this area of town, if he'd ever been to the Crystal Palace... He in turn asked her a few questions about being Queen, if she'd been to the restaurant before, reassured her that security was very professional, and a few other things. By the time they moved onto life advice, Usagi was certain she had made a new friend. She had also been monopolizing his time for far too long.

"I do beg your pardon, Masao, I'm taking up too much of your time! Please, you need to get to your other patrons, and I really need that edamame before I fall over," she laughed. "And I really need to pay more attention to poor Mamoru here," she smiled over at him.

Masao excused himself, and Usagi turned back to Mamoru, beaming and fresh off of a conversation. She loved talking to strangers. "Sorry! But I mean, isn't that fascinating? It's really interesting who all you can meet just about anywhere, isn't it? Then again, didn't you wait tables one summer?" she smiled, remembering her shock at seeing him there. "I'm sure you have some experiences with crazy customers like me."

[Chiba Mamoru]

Mamoru inwardly sighed, sensing her withdraw. He had tried, honestly tried to be more open with her about something even though it wasn’t something he’d normally talk about. However, as usual he had pulled back at the last moment and ended the conversation before it had really begun. He was failing miserably even though he had started out with such high hopes, habits did die hard it seemed. He had to turn this conversation back around, show her that he was at least trying.

He desperately tried to think of something to say to carry on the conversation about the apartment at least, but what else could he say? Mamoru couldn’t help it if he didn’t care terribly much about interior decorating. “It’s not that I’m busy, it’s just I haven’t ever really thought much about decorating I suppose. I guess I’ve always thought that as long as things were functional and neat, then they were acceptable. I have no doubt though that Zacharie will liven the apartment up when he moves in. If he’s anything like Zoicite was then he won’t really want to live in a plain, boring, apartment. Of course Zacharie might be entirely different, but from what I’ve seen of him I don’t really think so.”

Mamoru fell silent as Usagi began talking with the waiter. Within mere moments she knew the waiter’s name and had struck up a friendship with him. Usagi was such a friendly person and no matter how much he attempted to be open with her, Mamoru wouldn’t ever be able to strike up conversations like she did. It just wasn’t in him to be so vocal, especially with a stranger. Once again he sighed softly to himself as he watched her draw the other man into a long conversation where they each learned much about the other.

While he watched her, doubts begin to surface in his mind and heart. Usagi had easily struck up a conversation with this person she had only just met, while their own conversation was dying before it hardly begin. They were so very different, did it really matter that he loved her so much? Was it fair to her? If he loved her, wouldn’t he allow her to find someone that could make her happy?

When Usagi turned back to him, beaming from her conversation with Masao, Mamoru tried to give her a smile but it was tinged with sadness. “You don’t have to apologize for being who you are Usagi. I can’t say that I’ve ever tried to get to know someone like Masao before, especially when I was working at waiting those tables. Making friends has never been a strong point of mine, not like you or Motoki. It just comes easy to the both of you. Take Zacharie for instance, you should have seen us in that office Usagi. I was trying to strike up a conversation there, but I had no idea what to say. I really am terrible at making small talk it seems.”

Mamoru’s smile grew more genuine as he added in amusement, “He thought I was trying to ask him out at first. I had to set him straight on that notion.”

[Neo Queen Serenity]

Usagi smiled. So Zacharie was the type to decorate... that might be nice. At least Mamoru would benefit from it. It was interesting to hear him talk, though-- about going through rooms and spaces with things just being 'neat and functional.' She wondered if he carried the same opinion about relationships and people. People were messy, and not always functional, but still worth it.

"Yes, we were always opposites on that," she remarked, and then hesitated, setting down her glass of water and leaning forward. "But... Mamoru, you've seemed to be somewhat interested in art before. Don't you ever have something just for the sake of it being beautiful? Or want to come back at the end of the day and look around and know that this isn't just your functional shelter, but your home?"

Usagi's cheerfulness from the conversation with the waiter waned as Mamoru expressed his difficulties with talking to new people. She smiled sympathetically at him. It wasn't like she hadn't heard such confessions from him before... They were rare, but it did happen. And she would always bubble over with empathy and swear up and down that she loved him dearly, and that it was quite alright if he didn't make friends that easily, because he had her. But since she had also heard it before, it made Usagi wonder that if he didn't like the state of things, why he didn't bother to change it, at all.

"It's not as easy as you might think, you have to be in the right frame of mind for it," Usagi tried to explain, hiding a smile as he talked about Zacharie mistaking Mamoru's conversational advances to be amorous ones. She didn't think it would be fair to Mamoru to laugh at that, though the mental image was definitely amusing.

"Mamoru... You say all that, and I know you're a caring person, at least for the people you know... But... I'm listening to this, and-- I've known you for ten years, and I'm still not even sure if you... like people. Forgive me, I'm not trying to be critical; I'm curious."

[Chiba Mamoru]

Mamoru thought about her question for a good few minutes, trying hard to come up with an answer that she would understand. It hadn’t ever been things that made his home feel like home, but the people he could share it with. Until he had met Usagi, his apartment had been the place he had come back to sleep in after a long day of studying and work. His life had been about trying to figure out who he was and trying to understand dreams of a forgotten past and a forgotten princess crying out for the ginzuishou.

When he had met Usagi, she had become the center of his existence. When he was with her he felt as if he was home, not whenever he had come back to his apartment. Even before they had become anything more then the Odango and the Baka to each other, she had allowed him to feel something he hadn’t ever felt before. Mamoru hadn’t really understood what it was about her at the time, but that hadn’t stopped the fact that he felt more alive whenever he was with her.

When they were dating, she had become his family, later to be joined by Chibiusa. That feeling was what had made his cold apartment feel like a home and no amount of objects were ever going to be able to replace that. Anyway, he did have a pictures. True some of those pictures were the ones he had of the two of them or even the ones with Chibiusa, but he had others as well. At least a few others anyway and he had plants, didn’t they count as decorating? Usagi just didn’t seem to remember them.

The problem was he didn’t know how to articulate all of this. Especially since he was afraid if he did she might think he was trying to pressure her into doing something she didn’t want. Still, he had to try. If he just brushed her off again he’d just be doing the same thing he always did.

He couldn’t do that and so finally he hesitantly said, “It’s not that I don’t like beautiful things Usagi. It’s ... It’s just that they never seemed to make my apartment feel like a home so I never bothered beyond getting a few things that I liked to look at. You have to remember, I grew up a lot differently then you did and to me other things meant home much more then pretty things to look at. A picture can’t add any warmth to an apartment that doesn’t have anything more to offer then another lonely night.”

Mamoru gave Usagi a wry grin and said, “Well perhaps there should be classes to teach people how to get in the right frame of mind. I don’t think I’ve ever learned that lesson.”

He froze at her next words, instinctively withdrawing like he usually did when things got too personal. To answer that one he’d really have to dig deep. He couldn’t do that, he couldn’t let anyone that close to him, not even Usagi.

Mamoru almost gave her the kind of answer he was good at giving, an evasive answer that would turn the conversation to something else. However, it was the thought that if he did that he might never get another chance to change Usagi’s mind. He looked away from her for a good long moment, trying to find the courage to open up to her more then he had ever done in a very long time. He loved Usagi, he trusted her, he should be able to open up to her shouldn’t he?

Finally he turned back to her, more tense then he had been that entire evening but willing to attempt to share. “I like people Usagi. I don’t mind being friendly. It’s just ...” He paused again, uncertain how to actually explain. “It’s not an excuse Usagi, but do you remember when I told you about the day I lost my parents? I didn’t know who I really was or even if my name was really my own, remember? Those doctors weren’t very comforting. It was a scary time for a child Usagi and then there was the orphanage. There wasn’t very many people to reach out to there either. You had to grow up fast. It was far easier to pretend as though things didn’t bother you then it was to reach out to people for comfort that wasn’t there. It started out as a defense and somewhere along the line it became both a defense and a habit.”

[Neo Queen Serenity]

Usagi listened carefully to Mamoru's explanations, relieved that he was finally talking to her, and it wasn't just the generic replies. There was nothing that thrilled her more than learning new things about people, learning what made them tick and what was important to them. Many people got satisfaction by proving themselves right in an argument; Usagi found such efforts to be draining, and instead felt uplifted when she finally understood someone else's point of view.

"I definitely had a nuclear family growing up, so home was a different idea for me," she nodded in acknowledgment, and she supposed, though she did not say it out loud, that living in an orphanage would mean that material comforts were hard to come by, and if someone moved often, then they would be difficult to deal with. Perhaps Mamoru just viewed spaces as more transient than she did. "It doesn't have to be lonely, though. What makes a home isn't just who lives with you, or the things that you have, it's how you feel about it. People can have homes when they live by themselves, right? People keep themselves company all the time. Home is where you feel like you belong. 'Where the heart is'-- I think that's the American idiom for it."

Her own views on it made Usagi think more. Home was where the heart was... How true. Mamoru just saw an apartment as another lonely night. Usagi hated being alone; she drew her strength from other people. All the same, she was able to be happy by herself. She knew she had her friends, she knew she was loved, she knew she could always reach out and find the people she needed to, therefore it was completely fine to keep herself company for however long was needed. Though Luna lived with her during her college career, and as an intern, Usagi had found herself in her own space without companionship for periods of time, and felt completely fine with it. Why wasn't Mamoru happy just by himself? He did have some friends, and now he had his Shitennou. He did have people who loved him, a support net when he had need of it. So why was he lonely? Why wasn't he content to simply be?

Usagi found herself cracking up at Mamoru's attempt to joke about classes. "Mamoru! We call these classes 'motivational lectures' taught by 'motivational speakers,'" she snickered. "You can even teach yourself, there's this amazing thing called a 'Self-Help Section.' If you're still free after dinner, I'd be happy to drop by a bookstore and show it to you," she said dryly, but if Mamoru did profess an real interest, she would be happy to do just that.

Humor fading into seriousness again as he spoke, Usagi again gave Mamoru her undivided attention, practically drinking in the radical honesty like a parched desert flower before a long overdue fall of rain. "I remember," she said softly, blue eyes fixing on his as her hand instinctively came to rest upon his own. Usagi let him finish, letting a natural pause come after his words. "I can understand," she smiled, letting her natural empathy shine through for a moment. "You asked me about 'classes' for learning how to be in the right frame of mind... I'll tell you the truth. You will make more friends by being genuinely interested in other people than you ever will by trying to get people interested in you." She paused to tuck a strand of blonde hair behind her ear, trying to reason out how to say this without causing hurt.

"I'm so sorry that you had to go through that pain. It would certainly be hard to relate to people after such an experience. And you're right, it is much safer to try not to," she agreed with him. Why not? He was correct on that. "But... you'll never get what you need, will you? But-- just as importantly, other people will never get what they need from you. You have so much to offer, Mamoru, don't you realize that? You're extremely intelligent-- and talented. You're wise, you have integrity-- people look up to you. I know that there's so much going on in that head of yours, but will the world ever get to see it? You're already doing great things-- as Tuxedo Kamen and at your work now. But I think you could double that if you'd just let other people see a fraction of what's inside.

"A lot people go through life viewing other people as means to satisfy their own needs. A waiter is there to serve them, their bank teller is there to give them money, their mother is there to raise them and their spouse is there to love them. I think that's a fundamental mistake. If you really want to be friendly, if you really want to connect with people-- don't look to them for your own comfort or emotional sustenance, at least at first. Be glad that they're in your life. Be genuinely interested in who they are and what they have to say. Give them the very best that you can. Make the other person feel important. 'In order to be happy it is necessary to make at least one other person happy-- the secret of human happiness is not self-seeking but in self-forgetting.' I really believe that. If you do this-- you'll find that people will fall all over themselves in order to return it to you. They will be very loyal to you because you did something for them when you didn't have to, because you viewed them as a worthy individual in their own right rather than someone who was simply in your life for your own purpose."

She sighed and sat back in her seat, sliding down a bit. "I hope I'm not throwing this all at you, and you feeling like it's criticism, but I don't think I've done you any good by biting my tongue all these years. You can be anything you want to be, Mamoru. If you're lonely, if you don't like how you deal with people-- that's up to you to change. There is no one person in your life who is going to magically appear and satisfy all your emotional needs. That's something that's within your control. You just-- you have so much potential when it comes to people and I've watched you for all these years-- and I wish you'd let it shine, I really do. I don't feel like you're being fair to yourself."

Exhaling again, Usagi was sure she was becoming far too animated about this subject, and was sure she was probably making him close up again-- she could be good at that. But breaking up with him had made her more honest, a bit more forthright with him.

However, to make sure she wasn't getting too serious-- she grinned at him and added lightly: "And there's one very simple thing you can do that will make people like you, instantly, if you give it to everyone you meet. And I'll make you work for it, Mr. Intellectual, if you have to figure it out you might remember it. It's a riddle," she began, sitting up straighter. "So-- this thing that you can do-- it costs nothing, but creates much. It enriches those who receive, without impoverishing those who give. It happens in a flash and the memory of it sometimes last forever. None are so rich that they can get along with it, and none so poor but are richer for its benefits. It creates happiness in the home, fosters good will in a business, and is the countersign of friends. It is rest to the weary, daylight to the discouraged, sunshine to the sad, and nature's best antidote for trouble. Yet it cannot be bought, begged, borrowed, or stolen, for it is something that is no earthly good to anybody until it is given away. For nobody needs it so much as those who have none left to give. What is it?"

[Chiba Mamoru]

Mamoru nodded briefly and murmured, “You’re right Usagi. I can agree with that. People live by themselves all the time in places that they call home. The thing is I never really minded being by myself, not until ...” He paused uncertainly before continuing with what he had been about to say, “not until someone came along to show me that I was lonely. I guess I never decorated my apartment because I just hadn’t cared that much at the time, but then again it wasn’t as if my apartment was completely barren of things. I had a few pictures and plants if you remember. I did decorate a little bit.”

His grin widened in amusement when she actually snickered at his attempt at humor. “Perhaps I’ll look into that ‘Self-Help Section at the bookstore. I’d certainly be glad of any help you could give me on the subject, just point out the best books and I’ll be certain to buy them.”

Mamoru returned her smile hesitantly, relaxing a little more when she seemed to understand. “That’s easy to see Usagi, all I have to do is watch you. Whether it’s easy or not, you make it seem easy. I can see how being interested in other people would get them to feel more willing to be a friend.”

He sighed softly at her next words and looked down at the table. That was a lesson he had learned well. Hadn’t he lost Usagi because he hadn’t given her what she needed? Mamoru listened quietly as she continued, not interrupting once. Mamoru wasn’t certain he could do everything she was asking of him. It was certainly a lot to take in, but would it really be a lot of effort to seem interested in someone or at the very least show them that he did value who they were.

Mamoru glanced back up at Usagi when she sighed and slid down in her seat. “I don’t think you’re criticizing me Usagi, not at all.” He frowned thoughtfully, realizing that a lot of what he was about to say was what he had intended talking about after dinner. However, he had the opportunity to bring it up now and so he decided to continue.

“I don’t think I’m ever going to feel very comfortable spontaneously starting a conversation with someone that I don’t know very well. That’s just not who I am and I don’t think I could ever truly change that nor would I want to. I’m just not a very outgoing person. I can’t be as cheerful and impulsive as Motoki, or even as open and unguarded as you are. I wouldn’t be me if I tried and in the end I wouldn’t be very happy.”

He paused for a moment before adding, “However, I don’t see any harm in showing people that I value them for who they are. I think I could do that and I will try.”

Mamoru fell silent when she gave him her riddle, trying to figure out the answer she wanted him to arrive at. Suddenly he grinned at her and asked, “A smile Usagi? Is that the answer to your riddle?”