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Post by Neo Queen Serenity on Jan 19, 2009 23:46:03 GMT -5
Usagi looked down at Rei's hand, smiling and just taking the comfort she could from her friend's touch. "Oh, I can still be so selfish, Rei-chan... I knew it would upset people, I knew the masses wouldn't be happy with it, but I did want Mamoru to be my equal, I wanted someone else to get to make these terrible decisions where you just can't win sometimes, someone to hold off the press while I get to take a nap for thirty minutes or something... Someone to understand how lonely it is at the top. You know, being the last echelon in the chain of command can really suck. But... Everything I do, I do because I believe it's best for the people, and this... This can't be any different. Even my marriage... My love..." She looked away for a moment. This was no longer a job, an occupation, or even a career. It was more crude than a calling or a lifestyle. She had to live it, breathe it, eat it, every moment of everyday, dream about it in her sleep. Tsukino Usagi was slowly dying out with every moment and her entire existence was whittled down to politics and power. And what an awesome responsibility it was, and a sort of love, too, of the people that she served. She knew it would take sacrifices. Perhaps she never realized it would take every sacrifice.
Usagi took a shaking breath, squeezing Rei's hand back. "Thank you... It is hard. But, you're right, you know that... Even with our futures being shown to us-- this didn't have to happen. We made our choice. It was the right choice at the time, and it brought us here. It was the right thing to do. And even though it's so much harder than we thought-- than I thought-- it continues to be the right thing to do. It's just that simple. That's what gets me up in the morning every day."
She reached over, pulling Rei into an embrace. "Rei-chan, I love you all... It's not that I don't want to come to you. I just... This doesn't have to be your life. You don't have to share these burdens. I made my choice, you still can make yours-- what life you want to lead, how much apart of this government you want to be. Part of wants to tell all of you to get out while you can. Run away! Just get away before politics infects your entire life." Her voice was shaking. "I don't want this life for you, Rei-chan. Any of you. The less I come to you the more freedom you have to choose your dreams and your actions." She swiped at a lone tear. It was so odd-- usually when she was angry she could cry and scream, but she was so angry now that she couldn't seem to manifest any tears for it. Instead the image of her senshi enslaved by power and privilege drew the tears to her eyes. "Get out, Rei. Get out while you still can, while you still have a soul. Fame, power... it does things to people... I can't quite explain." She felt her throat close with emotion.
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Post by Hino Rei on Jan 20, 2009 0:00:37 GMT -5
When she was embraced, Rei returned the hug no matter that the things Usagi was spouting made her angry. Angry and worried. When Usagi seemed to have run out of words, the Priestess slowly pushed her away; she held her by her shoulders, far enough from her that their eyes might meet, and kept her voice as steady and quite as she could. Once again, they'd stepped into the same, twisted mother-daughter relationship that Rei had always felt for Usagi.
"No."
The word was simple, without anger or any emotion save the firm surity of it. When she'd given it time to sink in, Rei arched one well lined eyebrow at her friend--the same expression she'd always worn when she was explaining something that she'd already made her mind about--and elaborated:
"Has there ever been a time when I've run from this? I don't remember one. This life, from the very beginning, was not one that any of us chose for ourselves. It is a life as given by the spirits, as defined by our actions; it is the life which were have all chosen to lead and one cannot simply turn and run away from their life. Even if you try, it will always follow you." A twist in her heart informed her that there was more truth to that than even she knew--Rei didn't stop to consider what that might mean.
"You say that you are alone in this, and I believe that you are not. Yes, you are the chosen Queen by the people, but there is no reason that you might not call a council for the most important decisions. Let us stand by your side, let us help you carry this burden and I know--as surely as I know myself and the rest of our sisters--that we will be there and we will help you. When have we not? Trust in us as we trust in you, Usagi."
Rei shook her head, "Its staying apart that has done this to us. We're allowing the world to pull us apart from one another and Ami is right--that needs to stop. Things need to be discussed and we need to be together. You should have us to hold them back that you might rest when you need to. And, frankly, there should be no reason why you can't grant yourself the occasional holiday. Most rulers in the past have done such things, taken their pleasures when they need them.
"Stop this. Stop letting them walk all over you and stop wallowing in your own misery. We're here to help you and we always will be."
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Post by Neo Queen Serenity on Jan 20, 2009 0:11:31 GMT -5
Usagi gave Rei a wavering smile, and slowly nodded, a sense of relief spreading through her numb body. "Then so be it. As long as it's your choice, Rei-chan. Your choice. Let the others make theirs. I do trust you. I do value everyone's input. I just... Don't want to step on anyone's dreams, that's all... Everyone has a right to that. Even sailor senshi."
She sat back, feeling drained. "Actually, I was planning on taking a very, very long honeymoon... I'm not sure if that'll happen," she muttered to herself, brushing her bangs out of her eyes. "Rei-chan... I want to be with you all... More than anything in the world right now. I need my friends... As long as that's what you really want. As long as it'll make you happy too!" Her voice wavered in pitch. "I swear I'll do better with you, and Ami-chan..." She just needed to hear it from everyone individually.
"And don't let the stress fool you, it's not like I hate it all the time. There are some amazing, wonderful people that I would have never gotten to know if it weren't for doing this. I have more wealth now than I could possibly imagine. I get chauffeured everywhere-- remember how many times I couldn't remember where I had parked?" she laughed. "There are perks, it's not all bad. And even though it's hard at times, I still wouldn't trust anybody else to do what I do. Thanks for not letting me have a pity party," she smiled, momentarily forgetting her anger.
"I do need to deal with Mamoru, though..." she frowned, insides writhing at the terrible emotion came back full-forth. "Rei... I know you left out a lot with Hiroki..." she hesitated. "If you don't want to tell me, I will accept your judgment. I trust you. But if there's something that I need to know, that I should know-- that might not be so important now, but could be in the future... Please tell me. I don't think I could take it if something else comes out down the road. If I need to know something, I need to know now."
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Post by Hino Rei on Jan 20, 2009 0:23:30 GMT -5
Rei answered the smile with one of her own, nothing forced about this one. Usagi seemed to snap out of her pity part and even though she didn't believe Rei's assesment of the others (whom would agree, Rei thought--even Mina) she still believed her and that was good enough. The Priestess even had to chuckle at the memory of the many randomly timed phone calls she'd received from Usagi, crying, because she couldn't find her vehicle. And of course, it was always in or near the same spot in the campus parking lot that she'd always left it. Those days were long gone, now, but Rei remembered their college lives with a sort of fondness she'd not felt for most other times in her life.
But then Usagi returned to the point and suddenly their "mother-daughter" roles were quite uncomfortably switched. Rei actually fidgeted in her seat, something she couldn't remember having done since she was six-years-old and facing her exasperated, rather pissed-off father. Was it important?
The woman wavered with the fact that it probably wasn't important at all, and that it was very, very private. What happened--HAD happened, she snapped at the little cheerleader in the back of her head--was between her and Hiroki and didn't need to be known by more people than already did. Her eyes landed on a bottle of wine on the nearby serving table and she remembered the alcohol she'd turned down at their meeting. More importantly, she remembered her reasons.
And lastly came to mind something she'd caught in Nathanial's thoughts. What if she and... that man weren't the only ones with this particular "problem?" Yes, she'd warned Makoto away from Nathanial, but that didn't mean... Especially not with how Makoto was reacting to him.
Well aware that her face was hot (which probably meant that her ears were as well) and unable to look her friend in the eye, Rei lifted her chin and straightened her back and whispered, "I slept with him."
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Post by Neo Queen Serenity on Jan 20, 2009 0:33:26 GMT -5
At first Usagi wasn't quite sure she heard her friend correctly. After all, Rei, the only senshi who could quite match her in volume, was whispering... Well, she was blushing too. All over, in fact.
Which could only mean that Rei wasn't talking about sleeping in the same bed, or in the same room, or maybe she had fallen asleep on Hiroki's shoulder and drooled a little bit.
No, this kind slept meant some much more intimate, much more carnal. Usagi wasn't entirely sure what to say. She found her mouth dry again and wished she hadn't shattered her glass of water, before realizing that if she hadn't, she would have thrown it and it would have ended up broken anyway.
So she drank out of Rei's glass.
"I see. Well-- I guess something that... strong would help bring the Jadeite part out of him." Nothing like swapping fluid with a senshi to really bring out the extraordinary parts of a person.
Rei seemed mortified. Usagi just felt uncomfortable. "Rei-chan, thanks for telling me..." she began weakly. "I don't know what to say. I really don't. Are you okay with this?" Of course she's not okay with this! She slept with a computer technie who turned out to be a reincarnated enemy who tried to kill us all! Yeah, I'm sure she's just ecstatic to be ravished by him!
Usagi decided to assume that Rei had taken the protective procedures-- either before sex or after. She was too afraid to ask. Tentatively, Usagi reached out and pulled Rei to her again. "I love you, Rei-chan. I'm here for you as much as you are for me." It was all she could offer, all she knew to say.
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Post by Hino Rei on Jan 20, 2009 0:43:07 GMT -5
That, somehow, only managed to embarrass Rei further. She groaned faintly, eyes closing, and let her head fall on the table with her arms to pillow it. She stayed there for a moment then shook her head and lifted it, one hand pushing her dark hair out of her face irritably and without regard for how it tangled.
Feeling as if she needed to somehow explain herself or make amends for it, Rei tried to look at Usagi and then found herself face-deep in her arms once again. She took a few breaths of the darkness there, and then finally managed to string a few words into an understandable sentence, "It was... like a compulsion. I can't explain it otherwise. I don't mean a temporary suspension of inhibitors, I mean as it just felt... correct. As if I'd known him forever and it was absolutely normal to... be with him. It wasn't until later that I realized what happened. That was the day you left, when I first met him. He came to himself a few days later."
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Post by Neo Queen Serenity on Jan 20, 2009 0:48:04 GMT -5
Usagi began to methodically stroke Rei's hair, listening carefully as she told her story. "I understand... It was the same way with Khalid... Not a compulsion like that, but a compulsion to trust him, as if I had done it so many times before. I'd be a liar if I said I didn't act on it, because I did." How could she begrudge Rei for doing the same, even though it was in a far more different manner?
"We need to get the inners together. I'll want to tell the outers, but later." No, they had fought the shitennou together, they needed to face this together, and at once. "First thing tomorrow morning." These strange feelings were a good reason why, though Usagi hated to interrupt Rei's narrative with business.
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Post by Hino Rei on Jan 20, 2009 0:53:12 GMT -5
Rei nodded to Usagi's decision. They did need to know, she couldn't keep it from all of them. And... Rei sighed into her hands, not moving from her position because the petting was actually comforting. "I tell you this because I know that Makoto has had... similar compulsions towards Nathanial. I'm afraid that there is something going on that none of us remember and that it could spell.. trouble. I have gotten off lucky, thus far, but I'm afraid that something more serious might come from these... feelings."
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Post by Neo Queen Serenity on Jan 20, 2009 1:00:39 GMT -5
"Exactly," Usagi said, nodding, continuing to stroke Rei's hair, gently brushing strands away from her face. "Makoto has been dealing with this too? Hmm..." She stared off into the distance for a moment. "You tell me I've been too shy, keeping my distance and all... It's been a two-way street, I guess..." she mused aloud.
"Yes, we need to warn everyone about this, put them on their guard." Actually Usagi had been told about something like this before-- not the shitennou, but that people would try to sleep with the senshi to get to her. She had told them to stay out of it, but it seemed odd that now they were feeling compulsions towards old enemies that could end up hurting them. "And bring Luna, too. I don't know where Artemis is. I want to find the fourth shitennou, and keep a weather eye on him, too. And I really need to confront Mamoru." That last task kept eating away at her, bit by bit.
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Post by Hino Rei on Jan 20, 2009 1:06:31 GMT -5
"I didn't say it was only you, I said 'us'," Rei replied absently and sat up, brushing her hair from her face. She faced Usagi with just how tired she was written plainly on her face and nodded. "I'll track them down and inform them there's a meeting... what time?"
Rei paused, to say faintly, "Makoto has actually made an effort to stay away from him. What she felt scared her and she pulled away before anything happened. I shared with her what happened to me as..." The priestess paused to reword her thoughts and try and explain it, "I just... It wasn't something I was ready to admit to. It still isn't something that I'm comfortable with thinking about, really, but I have to."
She sighed and stood up. "We should also decide where to meet."
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Post by Neo Queen Serenity on Jan 20, 2009 1:12:48 GMT -5
"No, Rei, don't do that... I'll have Hikari send them an email, or call them. You need to rest. You've had a trying day. You especially need to sleep because I want that meeting at 0700 hours. I'll already be up by that time," she said, making a face at the early hour. "But, like I said, first thing tomorrow morning. First priority." She paused, standing up as Rei did. "If you don't mind, we could meet in my office. It's private, big enough for all of us, and I know I'll actually be able to be there at that time." Usagi was so busy that she could barely remember where she was forty minutes ago, much less what she'd be doing the next day. She would almost always be in her office in the morning.
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Post by Hino Rei on Jan 20, 2009 1:16:50 GMT -5
After she considered this a moment, Rei shook her head, "I'll email them." To stave off any argument, the senshi lifted a hand, "Don't. Its difficult enough for you to email people, what with the security detail breathing down your neck. I can get that done quickly enough. I can be here at that time, easily... and... I'm sorry."
Rei knew as well as Usagi did that the queen didn't want to have that particular conversation with her fiancee, and as mad as she was at him.... Rei did feel sorry that Usagi had to deal with this. She was not sorry for Endymion, however, she refused to be sorry for him. The priestess offered her queen a parting embrace. "We'll deal with this together, like we always have."
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Post by Neo Queen Serenity on Jan 20, 2009 1:23:16 GMT -5
Usagi nodded when Rei said she'd take care of it. "Alright, fair enough. Security is a pain when it comes to email." As much as Usagi personally liked Lucan and the agents on her detail, security was pretty much always a pain. It was the nature of the whole operation.
"What are you sorry for?" Usagi asked quizzically. "You told me the truth, about what I needed to know, and it'll stop me from making some mistakes, and fixing others. You helped me feel better about being Queen and I'm so happy now, because we will deal with this together. Sorry, my arse!" she gave an very unroyal snort, leaning into Rei's embrace and returning it full-force. "Get some rest, Rei-chan. And thank you. Thank you." She gave her one last smile, and then picked up the phone, but not to call Qiang.
"This is Serenity. I want Chiba Mamoru in my quarters, as of yesterday. No, I don't care if he's in the middle of something."
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Post by Hino Rei on Jan 20, 2009 1:25:21 GMT -5
Rei hugged her friend tight and nodded to her words. She stayed long enough to hear Usagi's remark to whatever unfortunate soul was at the end of that line. But Rei didn't linger to hear anymore. The Priestess unlocked the door and spirited herself away before she had any chance of running into either the princling or his guard.
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