12/29 The Beginning of Business (Minako, Usagi)

After Rei had left, Usagi had resumed her work. Unfortunately, the papers she had quickly shoved into her drawer were quite crinkled. Wrinkling her nose, she smoothed them out and put paperweights around the corners. She'd have to tell her secretary to make new copies, and have the old ones recycled.

Usagi was thankful to be holed up with this particular bit of work, which was not too taxing or involved. She knew the rest of the office was getting to get quite busy, as preliminary preparations for the party were just starting, and the news of the broken engagement spread around the world. The Daily Yomiuri had hit the stands with the story this morning, and Usagi had opted out of the incoming calls and questions from foreign dignitaries and the press, wondering what to do with their invitations and how this would affect policy. Usagi had told Hikari to deal with all of that. Furthermore, she had been informed that there was an issue with the airports in Tokyo, Yokohama and Osaka; that they were getting overloaded with requests and that it had something to do with her broken engagement... That had confused her. It was the holidays, and tons of people were flying in for the party, of course they were overloaded. What did that have to do with her? She had also told Hikari that that was something for the airport authorities to deal with, and not her. Honestly!

A soft knock broke her out of her meandering thoughts. Usagi set down her pen, wondering who it was now. "Come in," she answered, leaning back in her chair.

Usagi smiled at Minako, but it was a generic one. She was genuinely happy (and rather relieved) to see her, but it meant talking about difficult matters, again. Usagi felt entirely tapped out emotionally.

"I'm glad you came to see me. I've actually been having quite a few breaks lately, but I know I need to talk to you." With Rei coming in with her gift, and the long nap she had taken yesterday, Usagi had had plenty of breaks, at least during normal working hours.

It felt so heavy-handed to speak to someone from behind a desk, especially one of her friends. Usagi stood up, coming around to sit in the other chair across from Minako.

"I'm sure you've heard by now." She glanced down at her left hand involuntarily; the sight of her bare finger always jarred her. "Who hasn't? The phones have been ringing off the hook all morning. I'm sorry you had to find out the way you did..." She knew what it was like to be the last to know about important things, but so much had come together. It was just one of those things.

There was always something about hugs that blew away any sort of resistance or stoicism that she had. Usagi sighed, leaning into her friend's embrace and closing her eyes for a moment. She never knew how much she needed physical comfort until it was given to her. It was during times like these that she felt like a little girl; she still needed to be held now and then.

Minako's pause did not go unnoticed, but Usagi didn't remark upon it, choosing instead to hear her out. At Minako's mention of Lucan and his security tour, she couldn't help but crack a smile in amusement. "You too, then?"

Usagi sat back up, letting out a long sigh. "Mina-chan... You talk about me pushing things down, but let's just be honest here, okay? You and the rest of the girls had plenty of invested interest in Mamoru and I..." she hesitated, remembering the glimpses they had had of their future, and their future child that had lived with them for much of the time. "...And Chibi-Usa. Come on. You have to have some pretty strong feelings about it. There's got to be questions, things you want to know. Honestly, I don't even know where to start, so why don't you? At least if you share what's going through your mind about this, I'll know where to begin to talk about this."

Two days ago... Minako was saying it like it was such a short time, but two days felt like centuries... There was such a wide gulf between then and now, in who she was and who she thought Mamoru had been... And reality. Usagi swallowed, trying to wrap her head around the changes to her world. Two days ago she thought that nothing could separate her from her Mamo-chan-- two days ago she thought that he would never keep such a secret from her. Two days ago she thought he loved her for who she was instead of the supposed 'destiny' they had together. Two days ago her world would have ended without him.

Really, everything about them two days ago was a lie. But would Minako believe her when she said as much?

"Two days ago I did love him, or what I knew of him. But you can't love a man that doesn't exist, Minako." Regret pooled in her eyes as well as tears. "Oh, it hurts, when I stop to think about it. You know I thought I would just fade away or something if I lost Mamoru... That somehow I would stop existing. I was so foolish-- I banked too much on him..." Now she wasn't making sense, but the words were jumbling together, thoughts crashing into each other as she took the time since the meeting with the other senshi to just contemplate her future without Mamoru. How much of her perception of herself, who she was, and what she wanted out of life, was based on Mamoru?

This was the time for explanations, not introspection. "It was-- well, not in the way you meant, but it was-- infidelity; or a betrayal of faith, really. Of trust." She paused. "He kept an enormous secret from me, from us-- something has and will effect our lives dramatically, and he didn't even care. He even hinted at withholding more information. I--" Where did she begin? Minako was asking about Mamoru, but none of this story could be told without the Shittenou coming up. She paused, wondering how to proceed, but more frustration kept bubbling out.

"You know, this is not the first time he's done this to me either, I was just willing to look past it all!" She recalled the break-up, when he was protecting her-- information involving her life, that he had kept secret, taking matters into his own hands and hurting her in the process. Mamoru had shown these tendencies before-- to be secretive, play things close to his chest. She just thought he'd change as their relationship grew, that he'd trust her more, that she could, in turn, trust him... "Oh, God, Mina-chan, I've been so blind," Usagi confessed. "You'd think-- after nearly dying, and he did die during Galaxia-- and coming back, and everything, everything that has happened over the past ten years-- things that nearly cost us our souls much less our lives, the risks we took for each other and sacrifices we made..." her voice shook with controlled fury. "And I defended him! Blindly-- even with the Nijizuishou, even before I knew his real identity-- I was always, always trusting him, defending his secrecy, his lone-wolf tendencies... Thinking-- for whatever naive, ignorant, stupidly romantic reason I had-- that those same things wouldn't be used on me, and they [/i]were[/i], to devastating effect. And the pain and the frustration and confusion I will have put you all through by being so blind, by not seeing this sooner... There's just... There's nothing left for us, Minako, nothing. I don't know him-- so I can't love him. And I don't want to know him, anymore. Why would I want to know the kind of person who could do this to me-- to us?" Usagi knew, distantly, that Minako probably had no clue what 'this' even was, but the temptation to blow off steam was overwhelming.

"What have you heard? I'd... rather not explain things twice."

Usagi just shook her head, wondering how she could explain this tangle to Minako. She appreciated the support, but... Well, if the prospect of Mamoru keeping the Shittennou secret was so beyond all that she had imagined before, how could she expect Minako to understand when all she hinted at was the concealment of important information? Deception wasn't quite the word for it, but secret seemed too mild-- this was a game-changer. A mutation of their relationship, a permutation, a deal-breaker. The euphemism for 'My fiancé concealed the existence of four men who tried to kill me and my friends repeatedly and also were their lovers in their past lives' had not yet been invented.

"He didn't keep this secret to protect me," Usagi said finally. "He kept this secret to protect himself-- to not have to deal with inconvenience. I told him-- I told him that I am different from him, I can be overbearing. You're right, I'm much more open than he is. But this-- this really has nothing to do with personality issues. There are some things you don't keep to yourself-- it doesn't matter if you're an open or closed book. When it comes to the lives of other people-- their safety, their happiness, their memories... Some secrets are not yours to keep-- not his to keep! You know that saying... 'the road to hell is paved with good intentions.' I think it's applicable here. I can believe he didn't mean to hurt me-- he said as much... It's his behavior after he knew that he did that's as much an issue as the secret itself!" She took a deep breath.

"This wasn't a problem to be solved, in fact it's only created problems..." She kept getting ahead of herself. Usagi sighed, running a trembling hand though her long bangs, feeling a tension headache coming on.

She wasn't good with narration like Rei was; she couldn't build up to things and weave the details in so intricately. Best to get the punch-line out and then color in the lines afterwards.

"Mamoru has had the souls of the Shittennou in stones, with him, which he has taken advice from-- for the past ten years." There. It was out. Questions would come-- as would the explanation of Jadeite waking up, and everything else, but for now-- she had to let that sink in.

Usagi shook her head, even gave a mirthless laugh at Minako's last suggestion. "Oh, Minako... You have no idea... He wouldn't even consider that, they are more important to him than I am... You see..." She settled herself in a chair, deciding that it was time for it all to come out.

"The day I snuck out and was with you, there was a man who came to Rei for help with dreams. Apparently he had some psychic abilities. To not get into details-- he burst in on the rest of the girls, and they felt some familiarity to him. The same day, Rei was going back to the shrine when she met a Palace tech-- some guy named Hiroki. Things happened, Hiroki awakened a few days later-- as Jadeite. Apparently, some part of their souls are in the stones that Mamoru has. When Hiroki-- the reincarnation or whatever, awakened, the soul/body merged... So, Hiroki is now fully Jadeite. Rei figured out that Nathaniel-- the guy from earlier, is really Nephrite. And we have some idea who Kunzite might be. I confronted Mamoru over the fact he had been keeping this a secret, asked for an explanation-- apparently he believes the Shitennou are loyal to him now and wouldn't hurt us. He is surprised that they would get to awaken, but insisted that it didn't matter. And I use insisted loosely, he was patronizing and acted as if I was stupid and wasting his time for even bringing the issue up! He was extremely domineering and hurtful-- I had never seen him like that. It scared me, Mina-chan... His treatment of me, with such scorn, and he didn't even care about how shocking and hurtful this all was-- for me or for the rest of us."

Usagi exhaled forcefully. "So. Mamoru would never destroy their souls. He has taken advice from them, they are his friends, he will stand with him, he didn't even deign to inform us of their existence, and talked down to me when I wanted to discuss it. How's that for faithfulness?"

Usagi shook her head slowly at Minako's words. "No," she uttered softly, but forcefully, her spine straightening as her mind went from Mamoru's betrayal to the business of the matter, emotions clearing to give way to strategy. "That's precisely what will jeopardize the peace. Rei said that when Jadeite appeared, he was-- strangely-- not hostile. As long as they have not attacked us, I will not preempt anything, at least right now."

She tossed a long lock of hair over her shoulder, scooting to the edge of the chair to speak earnestly with the leader of the sailor senshi. "Thanks to Mamoru, we have precious little information on what the Shitennou are capable of and what their motivations are. He could be right, he could be wrong... Trust me, my first reaction last night was that he had been brainwashed or something. He is fully in control of his faculties." She frowned briefly, remembering her blind expression of faith. She had been so stupid...

"Anyway, he has denied us the information we need to make informed decisions about this, so therefore we will have to accumulate that information by other means. Furthermore, the other halves of the Shitennou that are walking around now are completely unaware of their former lives and the parts of the souls hidden away in those stones. These are innocent civilians who have done nothing wrong, and we cannot in good conscience destroy a half of their souls, at least until we know what is going on. This has nothing to do with Mamoru's feelings," she added. "That is the least of my concerns at the moment.

"Right now we are going to watch the people we have identified as possible other halves for the Shitennou, and determine if we can or should keep them from reawakening. I have also sent Ami-chan to approach Mamoru to see if he might be willing to cooperate. It would be in his best interest to start talking whether he likes it or not; the last thing he needs is us against them, he is currently at a disadvantage. If we force the issue now, Minako, we are operating blindly, and that is not a vantage point I want to be in when picking a fight. Now, Rei is going to follow up with Nathaniel, the man we believe is Nephrite, and I already have a pending contract with Khalid ibn Maleec, the man we believe is Kunzite. There will also be ways to keep an eye on Jadeite," she disclosed firmly. The time for tears had passed.