Calling You Out 12/27 PM (Usagi, Mamoru)

Though it seemed as if she had been waiting for this moment for eternity, Usagi still jumped as the door opened and Mamoru stepped in. She tossed aside the paperwork, slowly standing up. He was so handsome, especially with the city lights behind him, shining in through the window. She felt her heart leap into her throat. His smile melted her, his little nickname for her...

It simply couldn't be true. She knew him, she knew this man. He loved her. He couldn't do these awful things.

"Rei-chan was here," Usagi said quietly. "I'm sure you can imagine what about."

And suddenly, it came to her. It was Beryl! It must be some kind of lingering effect. Yes, it all made sense now. It was a bit of the aftermath of the brainwashing he had endured. Of course! Why didn't she think of this earlier?

"It's going to be okay, Mamo-chan," she said, her face breaking out into a loving smile. Usagi crossed the room, reaching out to touch his cheek lovingly. To think how close they had come...

"I know this is just some kind of fluke, from Beryl, that made you do this. You wouldn't keep something like this from me of your own accord," she said with absolute trust, blue eyes shining up at him. Usagi felt guilty for all of this talk with Rei about Mamoru keeping this to himself. She should have stood up for him, instead! I really should have more faith in him, he would never willingly do this to me...

Her hope was stillborn as he stepped away from her touch. Usagi looked briefly as if he had just slapped her in the face, and then a veil fell over her expression, her eyes hardening into chips of blue ice. "I see." It hurt just as much the second time around. He wasn't lying, or deluded, she could see it in his eyes.

It was her Mamoru, ever collected and composed. How much was hidden beneath that composed veneer? She had always assumed that since they had been through so much, that she knew so much of him that she knew it all. But there were depths that were unplumbed. What other fatal secrets were concealed from her?

The anger filled the void as the surprise receded. The hurt made it even more bitter. Usagi slowly drew back her hand, letting it fall to her side. Fine. She didn't want to touch him now, anyway.

"I let Rei tell her story. I suppose it's only fair that I give you a chance to tell yours." Reasonable. She was so angry, and yet being so reasonable. It was a portent of what was to come. She didn't understand why she was being so clinical about the direst situation in her life, or so it seemed.

But she owed him that, as much. And he owed it to her, too. To finally tell the truth, if he could bring himself to. No, perhaps she did not know Chiba Mamoru at all.

He really didn't get it. That was thought that struck Usagi the most. Instead of explaining his behavior, he was giving excuses-- very well-said excuses designed to play on her emotions and personality-- her willingness to forgive, to trust, to believe in people-- all of the things that gave her pause, to question if he had been under Beryl's influence.

"I don't doubt any of that." Usagi settled herself in the chair, and gestured for him to take a seat. "If I was so unforgiving of their actions in the past, Jadeite would be under arrest right now. But he's not, because you're right, they all deserve a chance to do the right thing and prove themselves, same as anybody else. This is about so much more than what they did under the auspices of Beryl."

She suddenly felt quite fatigued. Why did she have to explain this to him? Usagi hadn't quite known what to expect, but somehow she expected an apology, embarrassment. She would fuss at him and storm off and give the silent treatment for a few days and he would send her a dozen roses and the whole affair would just blow over.

But, life was continuing to surprise her, that was not going to be happening anytime soon. "I suppose I'll tell you what I told Rei-chan. That if one of my ministers or staff had been keeping the existence of former enemies secret, or neglecting to mention it-- whatever turn of the phrase best suits your conscience-- for years, and taking advice from them-- what do you suppose would happen to said person? Think about it. Even if this person believed absolutely that these people deserved a second chance and were not responsible for their actions, what would happen if that person were caught?" It was a rhetorical question, Usagi was sure Mamoru could think through the various laws.

"Perhaps that will help you grasp the severity of this situation." She would not take action, of course, she couldn't do that. But he had to understand...

"I can be overly demanding at times. I will own up to that. But I do let you have your space. You have your work, and your friends, and I don't pretend that I have a right to every moment of your time or every thought in your head. There is a monumental difference between having to inform me every time you brush your teeth, and having to inform me that you have the souls of the shitennou. That is just one of the things you do not keep to yourself."

"I didn't say that you did," Usagi retorted coolly. "I said that to inform of you just how big this is, that if it was anybody else who did it you know exactly what would have happened to them. In fact, in such a hypothetical scenario I imagine that I would be the one willing to forgive, to not want to be so harsh, and you would tell me not to be so trusting."

Irony could be as bitter as wrath, and Usagi found herself perturbed by the response he gave her. The man growled at her. No, she kept hearing it over and over again. I, I, I. Me, me, me. He had never really considered her feelings, or the feelings of her senshi. What it came down to was what had been most convenient for him and his shitennou.

"You may not understand it this way, but you have betrayed me and the trust of the senshi. I can say that with absolute certainty because we alone are the arbiters of our confidences. As not for not thinking it was important at the time, that shows a serious lack of judgment. Frankly, I don't give a damn if you thought they would come back, or not. It doesn't matter. We still deserved to know, regardless."

Her face was set in stone, but her eyes flashed silver with anger as she listened to him deliver excuse after excuse. No, he really didn't understand at all. And the absolute gall-- he wouldn't even listen to her, and she was being so patient about everything. Arrogance-- was this why Rei had been so adamant about not following Endymion's orders? Usagi found herself perturbed by this side of her fiancé.

"Oh, so you have even more information about our past lives that could be critical as well, but you kept that to yourself because it was that much more convenient for you and the shitennou. It's nice to finally comprehend where your priorities lie." Usagi's voice was absolutely frigid, and the temperature in the room seemed to descend rapidly.

"Do not patronize me. First of all, you don't know how I, or the senshi, would have reacted. I don't know where you come by the audacity to tell us how we would and would not feel. And even if you were a born empath and knew in advance every thought that would cross our brain, you still. Should. Have. Told. Us. This is just one of those things that you don't have to right to keep all to yourself, because it involves the lives of other people but them and yourself-- whether they were resurrected or not, or we remember our past memories, or not, regardless how you believed we would have acted-- that doesn't change one iota of your responsibility to tell the truth about this. And no amount of good intentions, or excuses, or rationales, or equivocating is ever going to change that!"

"It's coming out now," Usagi pointed out, though she was becoming increasingly aware that her words were falling on deaf ears. The more he spoke, he more arrogant and closed-minded he revealed himself to be. "Yes, there was a reason to tell me and the senshi then as much as now. But tonight you don't seem able to think objectively and even conceive of what those reasons might be, even when it's been put to you quite plainly. And it never came up because you never brought it up. That is such a load of bull. Take some responsibility for your actions, reprehensible as they are! Don't talk in the passive voice-- you made a conscious choice not to tell me, for every single day of these past seven years. At least own your shit!"

She felt the wrath building up inside of her, pooling and bubbling until her entire body buzzed with the froth of fury, lapping up at her consciousness and eating away her fragile patience.

"It was absolutely important then, as it is now," she said quietly, but as calm as her words seemed, there was a razor-sharp edge to them that was cutting and fierce. "And more than being important in general, it is important to me. Since I am the woman you are weeks away from marrying, that should matter a great deal to you. But you are consistently demonstrating that does not." No, the only feelings and priorities that he continued to put first were his own.

She just shook her head, looking away from a moment. "You must be deaf. I opened this conversation by saying that I do not demand an account of every moment of time or your every thought. But I do need to know the big things-- like who you are. So yes, this is a betrayal of me. How do I know? Because I feel betrayed! Because this hurt me! And that's all it takes. I don't tell you everything that happens with the senshi, but you know who I take my advice from, the people that shape my understanding of the world and help define the parameters of my decisions! My friends are a part of who I am, and I have always been honest with you about that!"

And he continued with his arrogant composure and words, using formal titles designed to punch harder, thinking only of winning the argument instead of trying to find some common ground. Usagi had been furious before the meeting, that was true. She wanted her time to be angry and she wanted to express it. But she also wanted to understand, to grasp why he had done what he had, to find some way to get over this and push through, to make it work. She never thought she would come to this place...

For a moment, her veil of anger slipped away, and she just sat, returning his cold, combative glare with her own expression of abject disappointment in him, the unending hurt. "Who are you?"

She truly did not know this person. Usagi stood up, very slowly, and took the longest walk of her life towards the door. With each step, she felt as if another part of her was dying.

She thought about telling him that she had tried to listen, and understand, but that his ego was making that impossible. Usagi was pretty sure that that same ego would make it so he wouldn't take that very well, either. She wondered if she should let him know just how easy it would be to forget all of this... To take him at his word that there was no harm meant, and scold him not to do it again and then pretend the entire affair had never happened. They could go back to kisses and wedding planning... But even more of her seemed to die at that prospect.

"We both obviously have very strong feelings on this issue. This is one thing I cannot compromise on. And neither, it appears, can you. I had hoped to reach some sort of mutual understanding, but that seems naive, now." Usagi paused, turning the lock on the door, feeling her heart beat in her throat. "As a Queen and as a woman, I cannot marry nor pass the crown off to someone that I do not know nor cannot trust, or someone, who in a moment of critical conflict treats me with such derision and refuses to consider the feelings or interest of anyone but himself. I thought coming into this meeting that perhaps this action would be premature, but considering where this is going, I cannot in good faith continue to go through with this. Not with a man that I don't know, and I cannot love a man that I don't know, that has betrayed my trust."

Her heart screamed at her to stop as she twisted the ring off of her left finger. What are you doing?! This is Mamo-chan! MAMO-CHAN! Your dream, your WORLD! Yes, it would be so very easy to eat her words, throw herself into his arms and wish it all away... But she would always wonder, and Usagi could taste fear as she thought of being married, having something like this happen again... If they couldn't get through this while engaged, how could they possibly deal with things once married?

No, it was the hardest thing she had ever had to do, but it was the right one.

Usagi chose not to reply to any of his further arguments. It was just the same old things he had said before, and if she would respond she would be saying exactly what she had already expressed to him. Mamoru just seemed incapable of understanding that sometimes telling the truth was difficult, but it was still the right thing to do. All his words did was convince her further of how he had acted on what was easy instead of what was right.

She knew that Mamoru wasn't the most open person, perhaps if he had explained himself like that to begin with they wouldn't be in this place. Usagi could empathize, but even as she understood she knew he had done her wrong. It was that simple.

But, she had to hand it to Mamoru, she certainly didn't expect his reaction to be quite so anguished. Or maybe he was just good at pretending. His plea only made her retreat further into herself. So now he wanted to call her Usako?

"It's pointless to argue anymore, we are getting nowhere. I believe I understand you, but that doesn't change the fact that what you did to senshi and I was wrong." She approached him, holding out the ring.

"As painful as this is, I'm glad it's happened, it has stopped me from making a grave mistake." Glad certainly wasn't the word for it, nor was relieved, for her heart ached with each word, even moment after her decision had passed. But it was the only word that approached her meaning.

"We have been through a lot together over the past seven years. And we have had our fair share of tests. We've faced death and enemies, and trying situations that sometimes seemed insurmountable. But this is not an external threat or issue. It gets to the core of who we are and the life we might have built together. You have shown me a side of you this night that terrifies me. I don't know this you, and I don't think I want to. You have broken my trust, and that of my sisters. You have treated with me scorn and condescension. And worst of all, you don't care about the effects your actions have besides how much trouble it's gotten you into, and the inconveniences that it's presented. What more is there to say? Other than: good-bye, Chiba-san." She gave him a tragic smile, still holding out the ring. It was ending, and suddenly he wanted to plead with her? He had pissed his chance away.