Aftermath (Mamoru, Luna)

Usagi flinched stiffly in response, completely unaware that Mamoru had entered the room. "Mamo-chan, you startled me!" she exclaimed, smiling nervously, though it faded away at his words. Even though he helped her, she could hear the flatness in his voice. Again, the writhing guilt inside swelled up until it made a lump in her throat. If there was anyone who could make her feel guilty about it, it would be her Mamo-chan.

"I'm so sorry," she blurted out, spinning around into his arms and embracing him. "I didn't mean to, Mamo-chan. I forgot all about the meeting with Pluto, I figured if I was gone and back in three hours no one would notice me, and I'd be safe if I was disguised. I was thinking emotionally, I know," she stammered. "I felt bad even before I ran into the others... I know it was really stupid, I won't do it again."

Well, the truth was worth a shot....

Mamoru sighed audibly, knowing that he wasn’t going to be able to stay angry for long. He never could remain angry at Usagi, especially not when he could see that she feeling guilty for doing it in the first place. He was also well aware of the fact that he himself had wanted to hide away from all the stress they had been under, a desire that had gotten him into a trouble that wasn’t going to be fixed as easily as this trip of Usagi’s had been.

Unaware of the silent chaperone sitting across the room, Mamoru pulled Usagi closer and murmured, “I know you won’t and I understand why you did it. Things have been tough, but you have to withstand it a little longer. Pluto says things will calm down soon and you know, I wouldn’t really mind if you snuck out occasionally provided you took one of your senshi along with you. They certainly wouldn’t mind.”

Mamoru carefully avoided mentioning Ami, even though she had said the same thing about things calming down. He still wasn’t certain how to go about handling that and therefore he decided to ignore the problem for the moment.

Mamoru continued to hold Usagi close, doing his best to give her whatever comfort he could. He had known that she was stressed over everything happening lately, but he had failed to see how badly it really was affecting her. He should have seen how much strain she was under and done something about it a long time ago. After all, at least he had his job to fall back on ... something that was admittedly getting harder to deal with as of late, but none the less it was there.

“Usako, I know its tough right now and you are probably right ... it’s never going to get any easier. However, it will get a little more relaxed once you are use to it and the people settle down just a bit. You have to remember, this is new to the world as well. Things are never going to be the same, but we knew this was coming.”

Mamoru moved over to a nearby seat, pulling Usagi down with him. He held her close once again and said, “You aren’t alone Usako, never alone and you know that. The senshi, they will always be your closest friends. They don’t want anything from you, but for you to be happy. You also have your family ... they might be a little stunned right now over everything that is happening to you, but never the less they are your family. They have never wanted anything from you other then that you be the best that you can be. Isn’t that right?”

He leaned down so that he could speak softly into her ear, “and you have me ... I’ve never wanted anything from you other then for you to be yourself Usako. It was Usagi that I asked to marry me, not the queen. This palace and everything that it represents are just added things, but if it disappeared tomorrow I would still be happy as long as I had you. We will get through this together...”

Before he pulled away he brushed a light butterfly kiss to the corner of her mouth before just holding her close, content to just simply be with her for a few stolen moments of peace. Mamoru was perfectly aware that in a few moments the real world would intrude, bringing with it the troubles that would beset them both. However, for just right now they could pretend it didn’t exist, that it was just two normal people enjoying each other's company.

"But I never asked for this job," Usagi blurted out in response. Once the floodgates had opened, she didn't think before speaking. "I knew it was coming, yes, but how it came about... It was asked of me. I chose to accept it, which I must take responsibility for, but I never wanted it, never desired it like other people desire their occupations..." It just didn't seem fair; the world was too cruel. To save it, be asked to reign over it, to acquiesce, and then be roundly criticized at every turn-- predictable, but isolating.

Mindlessly, she followed him as he took a seat and pulled her to him; sitting on his lap and listening to the soothing tones of his voice, even if she didn't agree with all of it. She was, in many respects, alone. The senshi had less and less time for her, even as they had their duties they also had their dreams, which she could never want to or ever willing take from them. They had passion, incredible talent and drive, something to contribute to the world. Unlike someone like her... You don't have any real talents or passions beyond just people, so you get stuck with ruling the Earth? They deserve better than that... She scolded herself. Wouldn't the Earth be better off with a genius like Ami or a priestess like Rei, with their knowledge and well-honed sense of duty, to guide it?

And certainly, they wanted things from her. They loved her, Usagi knew, but who could deny that Rei wished that she was more responsible, a better queen? Or Haruka that she be more serious about her duties? Wasn't it obvious that they, too, wanted something from her, or some factor of her to change, or expected it, by now...

But she kept her own counsel, afraid to voice her darkest of thoughts. She had already burdened her Mamo-chan enough with her complaining and petty tears... She had wealth and status and power; everything that modern society had erected as the consummation of human success and vision. But she knew now as queen as much as she knew when she was the 14 year old, clumsy self... That none of it really mattered if there wasn't love and companionship to go along with it. Relationships were the most important thing of all, and hers seemed to be thinning because of sheer busyness of all parties.

"My family... Do you think they will ever fully forgive me?" Usagi asked, her eyes swimming again as she thought about her Okaa-san and Otou-san. There had been no time to break it to them gently; it was the sudden smack of truth. And while they said they loved her despite the lies throughout the years, and understood the need for security, she got the sense that they questioned if they knew who she was at all... The price of duplicity; for it was real-- her soul had been tempered in the fire of battles against evil-- a self that she had never before had the privilege of sharing with her family. How could she make up for the years of dishonesty and fragmented identity? Things still felt awkward, frosty...

Then his lips came near her ear; and his moist breath felt hot, and the words he spoke blew out every nagging thought and regret, because Usagi could not argue with that truth, that Mamoru did love her for who she was. He had, with great sacrifice, proven that over and over again.

"I love you, Mamo-chan," Usagi whispered. They would get through it together-- there was simply no other option. She could not go back, or abdicate the throne, even as those options seemed overwhelmingly tempting.

The tears slowly stopped coming. Sometimes it was amazing, how purified she felt after a good cry and the spilling of her less noble thoughts to another party; the powers of being able to confide. Her head felt clearer now that the wave of emotion was receding into the background, replaced by a sense of serene determination.

"Some things have to change, though... I cannot expect to continue to govern the way-- or at the pace-- that I am now." Working on treaties until four in the morning, the constant obsessing over every single superficial aspect of her appearance lest it cause offense to someone, somewhere... "I want to please everyone, I just don't know where to stop." She sat up, wiping at her tears.

"I'll need to get someone in here to do make-up, I can't go out there looking like this mess..."

Luna watched Mamoru leave before finally speaking up. She had listened to everything that Usagi had said, feeling worse by the minute. She had really missed seeing how hard Usagi was struggling through all of this. She hadn’t even thought about how she might be feeling about her family, had never really even given it much thought at all.

She had been there right beside Usagi when her family had found out. She had known that there was something not quite right with the relationship afterwards, but she had always just assumed that Usagi had moved past it or at least accepted it. She really should have realized that of course someone like Usagi that loved people, her family and friends most of all, would never truly be able to accept that.

Leaping off of the chair, Luna bounded over to Usagi’s side and stared up at her sadly. Her ears and tail were still drooping miserably as she said, “Usagi-chan I had no idea that you were feeling all of that. I wish that you had talked to me or one of the senshi. That’s what I’m here for, I can’t help you if I don’t know what it is that you are feeling. We’ve been through so much together...”

Luna automatically responded to Usagi’s question of how many people were hiding in the room by saying, “I was waiting to speak with you about what happened today, however Mamoru came in before I had a chance to. I was going to drive him off, after all he really shouldn’t have been here but I decided that you needed him.”

She fell silent when she sensed that Usagi was not in the mood for a lecture, besides she had long since decided not to give her one. Luna momentarily flattened her ears as she listened to what Usagi was actually saying. It was almost as if she was withdrawing from everyone, but that couldn’t be right. Luna knew that Usagi drew her strength from those she held close, she couldn’t possibly be withdrawing for real ... could she? Luna shook her head and said, “Usagi that is not what I want. Yes, I want you to be stronger but not at the extent that you cease being who you are.”

She sighed as she was set down, deciding that there really wasn’t time to go into this. Luna was well aware of the schedule that Usagi held and while she really wanted to talk some more the delegates would be insulted if they were kept waiting. Therefore she nodded and simply said, “Of course I will go with you, but Usagi ... please don’t turn away from your friends. We all love you very much. I’m not asking you to share your every thought, but when things are bothering you ... well that is what friends are for. Isn’t that what you have always tried to do for them, be there when times were tough?”